


Light Shall Shine Out Of Darkness

by bloodredcherries



Category: Glee
Genre: Alive Finn Hudson, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2018-08-11 22:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 42,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7909954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodredcherries/pseuds/bloodredcherries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Glee future fic; AU after 4x03] </p><p>Turns out Finn isn't meant for the military after all, though he would have preferred to find out by shooting himself in the leg.</p><p>Finn Hudson should have died that day in the Middle East. Correction, he nearly did die. Instead, he was patched up as much as they could and sent back to the Bushwick loft with a bum knee, a PTSD diagnosis, a pregnant wife, and one passive-aggressive Blaine Anderson. </p><p>Finn Hudson knows he should have died. How is he supposed to deal with the fact that he lived?</p><p>NOT BLAINE OR KLAINE FRIENDLY</p><p>Finn Hudson didn't sing anymore. In fact, if you asked most people, including Finn Hudson himself, the list of things that Finn could successfully do in his current state were very few and far between. He felt like such a loser. He'd barely even finished three fourths of a tour, and the Army had still fucked him up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Baby Mine

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Glee or any of the characters portrayed within. This product is a work of fiction that may contain potential triggers to those suffering from PTSD or other mental illnesses.

"You had another nightmare again, didn't you?," Rachel asked Finn softly, finding him sitting out on the fire escape of their Bushwick loft, head in his hands. "Finn?," she continued, slowly lowering herself to sit beside him. "It's alright, if you did," she promised, relieved when he reached out blindly and squeezed her hand. "It's alright," she repeated, soothingly. 

 

"It's cold," Finn responded, his brown eyes clouding with concern, which at least was an improvement over the hardened look they got when he had a flashback. "Why are you out here, Rach? It's too cold for you and the baby." 

 

Rachel said nothing, choosing instead to lean closer to him, allowing him to wrap his arms around her. Finn was right. It was cold. And he was only clad in sweatpants. 

 

"The baby woke me up," she said in a low tone, not wanting to wake either Kurt nor Santana. "I was hoping you would calm her down, but you weren't in bed," she continued. "I looked everywhere in the loft for you and finally decided to try out here."

 

"Please come inside," she begged. "I know that you were scared...please come inside."

 

"She's awake?," Finn asked, something vaguely resembling excitement in his eyes. "I didn't scare her, did I?" He deflated slightly as he asked the question. "I was screaming," he admitted. "I don't have to go back, do I? Don't make me go back."

 

Rachel shook her head. "You didn't scare her," she soothed, petting Finn's hair as she did. "You could never scare her. And you don't have to go back, remember? Your dad made sure of it."

 

She shivered slightly, leaning closer to her husband, torn between forcing him back into the heated loft or letting him sit and stew for a bit longer. She knew that wasn't fair of her. Finn was trying  _so hard_  to get better, to make sure that he was doing right by them, to not let his demons get the best of him...she knew he was. 

 

"Come on," Finn commanded, his voice rough with unshed tears, carefully lifting her into his arms and opening the door to the fire escape, letting them back into the loft. "You're cold," he said, by means of explanation. "Can't have you bein' cold, yeah?"

 

"You can stay --," she attempted to assure him, as he carefully deposited her on their bed, covering her with a blanket before slipping a t-shirt on and sinking down beside her, taking her hand in his. 

 

"Don't wanna," he replied, releasing her hands so he could run his hands through his hair. His bangs dipped into his eyes, and he frowned, pushing them roughly aside. "You're right, it's cold. And I don't like when you're worried, Rae."

 

He gave her a gentle peck on the lips, before smiling hesitantly at her. "'sides," he said, the hesitant smile turning into a proud grin, "'sides, you said someone I love more than anyone else in the world needs to be calmed down. I can't let her stay up too much past her bedtime, eh?"

 

Rachel found it ironic that their daughter -- who had fallen back to sleep during her frantic search for Finn -- kicked rather hard at Finn's words. "You should sing to her," she suggested softly, letting him nestle his head against her slight (yet ever-growing) bump. "She likes when you sing, honey."

 

 

***

 

 

Finn Hudson didn't sing anymore. In fact, if you asked most people, including Finn Hudson himself, the list of things that Finn could successfully do in his current state were very few and far between. He felt like such a loser. He'd barely even finished three fourths of a tour, and the Army had  _still_  fucked him up. 

 

His diagnosis was PTSD, but they had officially discharged him due to his poor decision to clean his loaded gun and shoot it off into his knee. He  _may_  have done that on purpose, but he would never tell. He didn't know what was purposeful or not half the time, anyways.

 

He was a failure. He didn't know why Rachel had agreed to marry him, even though she was having his baby. He couldn't even work. His knee was still screwed up, forget about his head. 

 

He did, however, sing to their baby, but he would swear on his father's ashes that that was different. She was his _baby_. Finn would have moved planets for that little girl that was growing inside of his beautiful wife. 

 

"Course I'll sing for her," he whispered, curling up closer to her, needing the security of her touch. "I love Bumble Bee."

 

He planted a kiss above her belly button, feeling a nudge in response. "Daddy's here," he murmured, kissing the spot again and again, pleased when she moved and when Rachel giggled. "Daddy's  _sorry_ , baby boo. I'm sorry I got scared and made you and mamma go out in the cold to find me."

 

"Finn...," Rachel chided, though she trailed off, simply running her fingers through his hair. "It's alright," she concluded. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

 

"I don't like being this way," he muttered. "I want to be a good husband to you...a good dad to her...a good brother, a good son...everyone has their lives on hold because of me."

 

Okay, so maybe that wasn't entirely true. He couldn't exactly buy Santana being all that invested in Finn's emotional well-being if she had  _anything_  approaching a better option, but it was definitely true with Kurt and even Rachel, at least in Finn's mind. Not to mention his poor parents. 

 

"I told you that isn't true," she protested. "Finn, I  _promise_  that isn't true. You are having a rough time right now, but you're getting better. We  _all_  know that."

 

He let out a heavy sigh. 

 

"I'm trying," he said honestly, glancing up at her. "It's just...really hard."

 

She nodded, twisting her fingers through his hair. "They say it will get easier," she told him. "Eventually."

 

"I hope so," he whispered, curling even closer to her, the baby fluttering where his ear was pressed against in response. "You wanna hear something from Daddy?," he asked his audience, pleased when there was even more motion in response. "Daddy will sing to you," he cooed, enjoying the feel of both their baby and of Rachel's hands in his hair. 

 

 


	2. Bang Bang Goes The Broken Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Kurt had adjusted to silence fairly quickly, the taller man turning the television to Good Day, New York after a few minutes, causing his younger brother to let out a quiet sigh.
> 
>  
> 
> "What's the matter?," Finn asked, glancing away from the screen to look at Kurt. "Is it the show? Sometimes shows scare me," he added softly. "It's alright if it scares you. I'll turn it off."
> 
>  
> 
> "It's not the show," Kurt replied, voice sounding strained. "Though I am typically not a fan of the Fox Network, in this moment, they are annoying me far less than the reason of which I am annoyed."
> 
>  
> 
> "Blaine," he said, flatly. "He's bein' a dou--," Finn cut himself off, sensing a lecture on his choice of words in his future, "he's making you angry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still don't own Glee

Kurt Hummel stirred from his sleep, the sounds of what sounded eerily similar to his brother's voice _singing_ permeating his semi-consciousness. For a moment, he doubted what his keen, classically trained, ear was hearing (after all, Finn refused to sing at all anymore, even at social events such as Karaoke, so Kurt's confusion was understandable), but he quickly decided he _was_ hearing his brother, singing the song from _Dumbo_ , presumably to his and Rachel's unborn daughter. 

 

Beside him, Blaine let out a groan. "Can't you shut him up?," his boyfriend commanded, in a tone that Kurt found most unpleasant, not to mention uncalled for. "It's the middle of the night."

 

Blaine made the error of continuing his train of thought. "While you're at it," he said, in a stage whisper, "you better tell them that their stupid war movie woke me up. I have a show tomorrow!"

 

"It wasn't a war movie," he muttered, hoping poor Finn was distracted enough by his lullabies to avoid hearing this conversation. "You _know that_ , Blaine."

 

"I think he's looking for attention," Blaine hissed. "I don't know why you won't send him back to Lima!"

 

Kurt pursed his lips, silently counting to ten, and then to twenty, before he began to dignify Blaine's rude comments with a response. 

 

"I know you don't like Finn," he said, rather tiredly. "But this is Finn's home, _not_ yours. And if you can't respect him you have to leave."

 

Blaine simply let out a tired huff, rolling over in bed and shoving a pillow over his head. 

 

Kurt let out a quiet sigh. Blaine's vendetta against Finn was frankly wearying him. It had been bad enough -- yet understandable -- during high school, but now they were full grown adults! They were nearly done with college, for Gaga's sake. Personally, he thought it was time enough to let bygones be bygones. Especially given Finn's current circumstances. 

 

Kurt seethed. 

 

And seethed. 

 

And fell asleep.

 

He had been planning an hour of quality seething time, but found that the song in the next room had the desired effect on more than one person. After the second repetition, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel was sound asleep. When he woke up, his irritant of a boyfriend was long gone. He couldn't say he wasn't relieved. 

 

Wrapping his thickest robe around himself, he slipped on his favorite house slippers and padded out into the common area of the loft, pleased when he spotted his favorite (okay, _only_ ) brother sitting on the couch, a mug of coffee in his hand. His bad leg was stretched out on to the coffee table, a piece that Kurt was very grateful was a knockoff. 

 

"May I join you?," he asked Finn hesitantly, unsure of what response to expect. He didn't want to treat Finn with kid gloves all the time, but sometimes it was needed. He hoped that today was a good day for him. 

 

"It won't make Blaine angry?," Finn asked, shrugging his shoulders. "I heard him last night," he added, looking impossibly small. "I didn't mean to wake him up."

 

Kurt's irritation with his longtime boyfriend was quickly turning to anger. In fact, the more awake he got and the longer he stared at Finn it was bypassing anger and going directly to rage. 

 

He took a calming breath to center himself before simply sitting beside his older brother, who nudged the blanket covering him over.

 

"Blaine left," he said softly. "And I'm sorry you heard that. I'm sorry he said that. Did the baby like her song?," he asked, hoping to steer the conversation towards something more positive.

 

Finn nodded eagerly. "Uh-huh, yeah," he told Kurt. "I had to sing it like five times before she calmed down so Rach could sleep," he elaborated. "You heard me?," he added, eyes wide.

 

"I thought it was sweet," he said, smiling at Finn. "Don't worry, I won't make you sing to anyone else."

 

"I don't like the attention," Finn replied, after a period of silence. "You know, it's one thing when I sing to the baby, she's my little girl. But on stage...I just can't, not anymore. Not now, anyways."

 

Kurt noticed that his older brother was tapping his fingers on his leg again, but he said nothing. "It's alright," he said after a moment. "No one is expecting you to. We just want you to get better."

 

Finn and Kurt had adjusted to silence fairly quickly, the taller man turning the television to _Good Day, New York_ after a few minutes, causing his younger brother to let out a quiet sigh.

 

"What's the matter?," Finn asked, glancing away from the screen to look at Kurt. "Is it the show? Sometimes shows scare me," he added softly. "It's alright if it scares you. I'll turn it off."

 

"It's not the show," Kurt replied, voice sounding strained. "Though I am typically _not_ a fan of the Fox Network, in this moment, they are annoying me far less than the reason of which I am annoyed."

 

"Blaine," he said, flatly. "He's bein' a dou--," Finn cut himself off, sensing a lecture on his choice of words in his future, "he's making you angry."

 

Kurt sighed, nodding in agreement. "I am displeased with his behavior," he muttered, face turning a dark (and dangerous) shade of red. "It was uncalled for. There was no need--"

 

"But maybe he's right," Finn sighed, staring at him with saddened eyes. "I mean, he says it all the time, to me, even. So maybe I am a freak."

 

"You're not a freak," he said, reaching out and touching Finn's arm, moving slightly to then accommodate the larger man curling up beside him. "You almost died, Finn, you could have died, we were so worried," Kurt insisted, hoping to make his brother understand. "It's _normal_ for you to be having nightmares. It's _normal_ for you to be scared. It's normal for you to be nervous in front of crowds. And if a television show is on and it scares you, you need to tell the person watching it that so they can turn it off." 

 

Satisfied with his mini-lecture, Kurt focused his attention to the television set, cringing at the guest _Good Day_ was interviewing. Green Day was so passe, he thought to himself. And the punk look did _not_ flatter men in their forties. Honestly, he groused. It wasn't like he wasn't available for a fashion consult.

 

"It was him," Finn said, interrupting Kurt's silent version of _What Not To Wear_. "Blaine," he clarified, clearly mistaking Kurt's look of horror for a need for further identification. "He wanted to watch _24_. I asked him not to, Kurt, I swear --"

 

"Why didn't you say something sooner?," he asked, petting Finn's hair in a soothing manner. "Finn, I..."

 

"He's your boyfriend," the small voice said. "I thought you'd be on his side."

 

"I'm not on _anyone's_ side," he said patiently. "Finn, this isn't something to take sides on. You have a documented medical condition, and if I didn't know better, I would swear Blaine was doing this purposely."

 

Kurt was going to have a serious discussion _indeed_ with his boyfriend _very soon._ He didn't know what had gotten into him! 

 

"I will speak with him," he promised Finn. "Watch your show."

 

Finn's attention turned to the program, and Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. 


	3. I missed the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Santana had indeed explained to Brittany what was going on with Finn, once it became clear that he was healthy enough physically to come home but not entirely cured mentally. Brittany had asked everyone -- from Carole Hudson-Hummel to Lord Tubbington to a man that didn't speak a word of English -- what was going on with their friend, and no one had given her a straight answer, or taken the time to make sure they were talking sense. 
> 
>  
> 
> Carole had used big words and kept crying and asking Brittany questions that she didn't know the answer to, thus making her feel stupid.
> 
>  
> 
> Lord Tubbington had just stared at her. She really had asked him as a last resort.
> 
>  
> 
> And the man who spoke no English had talked to her in made up words. 
> 
>  
> 
> So when Santana had shown up and taken Brittany to a nice cafe and gotten her the biggest hot chocolate they had on the menu with extra marshmallows and finally explained, so many things made sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the sound prompt

Okay, so the gunshot to the knee was _Finn's_ contribution to the event that had brought him back to America, back to Brooklyn, and Rachel, and to the baby that he'd thought he'd only get to see grow up over _Skype_ , unfortunately, it was the only part of the event that Finn's mind hadn't blocked out, at least while he was conscious. 

 

At the moment, though, Finn was unconscious. He was all right, though. 

 

Finn was _finally_ having a pleasant nap. He had fallen asleep with his head on Rachel's lap, Kurt having vacated the spot beside him on the couch long before, and the soothing sound of his wife's voice had been enough to lull him to sleep. Which was why he was not at all happy when a familiar -- yet strange -- voice woke him.   

 

"...And then your mom wouldn't let me bring Lord Tubbs here to visit you while you were in that scary hospital," Finn heard vaguely, and he allowed the voice to draw him from his slumber, blinking with surprise when he suddenly had a lap of cat. Judging by the feline's aggrieved howl -- and the resulting extended claws into Finn's thigh -- at least he and the tabby were on the same page. "Oh, I'm sorry, Finn," the voice -- _Brittany_ , he corrected, though he was mainly focused on not shouting in pain -- said. "I thought you would catch him."

 

"Why did you think that?" he asked in a pained tone, disengaging claws from flesh and allowing Lord Tubbington to lick his wounds on a fancy pillow of Kurt's that would sure to cause his brother to screech about later. "Wait, what are you _doing here_?"

 

Brittany smiled sanguinely at him. "Waiting for Santana," she answered simply. "I have a key. It's weird," she added. "I thought it was Blaine's, but my dolphin said that my having it would be 'slightly more conducive to Finn's recovery'. What recovery? I thought you were all better now."

 

Finn groaned. It was true that he would rather deal with Brittany -- and didn't that say so much for his current opinion of Blaine -- but he wished that someone else was there to tell her what was wrong with him, even if it was Santana herself. 

 

"Where is your...dolphin?" he asked her, trying to remain calm. His heart was racing from the sudden appearance of Brittany -- even though she was one of his friends -- and from the _very_ sudden appearance of Lord Tubbington. "Or Rachel?"

 

The tall blonde sat beside him on the couch, pulling the cat on to her lap. 

 

"Kurtsie and Rachie are yelling at Blaine," she said in a monotone, her normally vacant stare filled with worry when her eyes locked on him. "Kurtsie told Rachie something and Rachie got really mad -- it was scary, Finny -- and the next thing I knew Lord Tubbington's play date with your baby was cancelled and they told me to stay here and hang out with you. But you were sleeping, you weren't very fun. Lord Tubbington is disappointed."

 

The cat _was_ eying him with a disappointed look _,_ Finn noted, blinking rapidly to wake himself up. 

 

"Your cat has play dates with my baby?" he asked, peering at her in confusion. She nodded. "How exactly does that work?"

 

Brittany giggled, petting the fat cat's fur as she did. He jealously wondered what it was like to be in her mind, where she was always happy. 

 

"I bring Lord Tubbington here and Rachie and I curl up on the couch with him and your baby and watch TV. They love each other." 

 

"That's nice of you," he whispered, curling into the thick blanket that Kurt had bought especially for him, even though he vocally expressed his disapproval of microfiber comforters. "I love the baby too," he told Brittany. 

 

Brittany leaned over and gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek, a pout gracing her features. "I'm sorry you're sick, Finn," she murmured. "I can leave, if you want."

 

He shook his head. "No, you're waiting for Santana," he reminded her. "It's alright, Britt," he promised. "I'm just tired."

 

"Because of your recovery, right?"

 

He nodded. "I have to take pain meds for my knee, it's still healing from my surgery," he said, steeling himself for the potential disaster that a conversation with Brittany involving complexities could be. "And you know about my PTSD, right?" He dreaded the answer. But, she simply nodded, patting his covered form in a gesture of support. 

 

"Santana explained," she told him. 

 

 

***

 

 

Santana had indeed explained to Brittany what was going on with Finn, once it became clear that he was healthy enough physically to come home but not entirely cured mentally. Brittany had asked _everyone_ \-- from Carole Hudson-Hummel to Lord Tubbington to a man that didn't speak a word of English -- what was going on with their friend, and no one had given her a straight answer, or taken the time to make sure they were talking sense. 

 

Carole had used big words and kept _crying_ and asking Brittany questions that she didn't know the answer to, thus making her feel stupid.

 

Lord Tubbington had just stared at her. She really had asked him as a last resort.

 

And the man who spoke no English had talked to her in _made up words_. 

 

So when Santana had shown up and taken Brittany to a nice cafe and gotten her the biggest hot chocolate they had on the menu with extra marshmallows and _finally_ explained, so many things made sense.

 

Apparently, no one really could answer Carole's questions and her dolphin was going to remind her that Brittany wasn't a doctor or anything close. 

 

War injuries and mental health issues were _really_ outside of Lord Tubbington's areas of expertise. (Santana had even said that with a straight face!)

 

And -- according to Santana -- the made up words were actually French. 

 

Who knew? Not Brittany. And Brittany didn't entirely understand what was going on with Finn either. But she knew he was sad, and that made her sad. 

 

"I'm going to make you a hot chocolate," she decided. Hot chocolates were good when a person was cold (and Finn was shivering, despite his blanket) and they did a good job of cheering Brittany up. Besides, Santana had a supply of her favorite microwavable cocoa mixes. And Kurtsie _never_ touched them. 

 

Finn merely grunted in response, but she knew he would be safe in Lord Tubbington's capable paws. 

 

"Do you feel better now?," Brittany asked, once she had presented him with a marshmallow filled cup of cocoa, covered with whipped cream and an accompanied by an apple to hopefully stop her dolphin from freaking out about Finn's 'sugar consumption', whatever that was. "Hot chocolate _always_ makes me feel better," she said, sitting back down beside him. "Eat your apple," she added. "Unless you wanna hear Kurt hit a high note."

 

"How did you make this?," he asked. "Did you turn the stove off?" 

 

She shook her head. "They go in the microwave," she told him. "Stoves confuse me."

 

"Kurt doesn't let me use the stove either," he told her. "Don't feel bad." He eyed the apple with a look of disgust, taking the smallest possible bite out of it. She giggled. He sighed. "Sorry you got stuck watching the freak."

 

"You're not a freak," she said. "Tana said...she said not to tell anyone this, but she said you were brave and that even brave people get scared," she divulged. "She said that what happened to you was too scary, even though you're the bravest person she knows. I don't know what made it so scary," she rambled. "No one would tell me what happened."

 

He took another bite of the apple. "'s alright," he mumbled, letting the blanket pool on his lap. "I don't remember either, most of the time."

 

 

 

***

 

 

Blaine eyed Rachel with disinterest as the petite brunette paced back and forth, having the gall to wear grooves in his carpeting in the process. He didn't understand why Kurt and Rachel were so angry with him, anyways. He was a _performer_. He needed his rest. And he certainly didn't care for them pandering to Finn Hudson and his pathetic attempts at histrionics. 

 

" _Histrionics_?," the four-and-a-half months pregnant Rachel Hudson hissed, crossing her arms in disgust. Blaine realized -- belatedly -- that he had said that last bit out loud. "How _dare you_?" She thundered, fire in her eyes. "Finn has a medical condition, you _jerk_! He's been diagnosed! He is not _indulging in histrionics_!"

 

"It was just an bomb," he muttered, unrepentant. "He was the one who shot himself because he was _scared_. Some war hero. What are you gonna tell the baby, huh?"

 

"How dare you?!" Rachel repeated, though quite louder than before. "How dare you say those things about him? And how dare you bring our baby into it, like you think she is going to be ashamed of her father? There is nothing to be ashamed of!"

 

"He woke up the _entire loft_ because of his screaming last night," Blaine told her. "And he didn't even apologize to me!"

 

"Not everything is about you, Blaine," his other guest said, wrapping Rachel in a protective embrace, and shooting him a murderous glance. "You left your key behind, I took the liberty of giving it to Brittany."

 

Blaine spluttered. "You would rather _Brittany_ have instant access to your loft, rather than your _long time boyfriend_?" 

 

" _Brittany_ doesn't make _my brother_ ," he could hear the pointed tone in Kurt's voice, "feel like dirt because he has _nightmares he can't control!_ Honestly, Blaine, you are treading on my last nerve."

 

"He's not _really_ your brother," he retorted. "You do realize that, right?"

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

"My front parlor," Kurt breathed, eying it in horror, hoping that Rachel would stop taking pictures with her phone and wake the ill behaved miscreants up. "Look what they did."

 

Kurt had spent the entirety of his day thus far thoroughly admiring himself for his restraint _and_ mentally patting himself on the back for it, a trend he had decided would continue when he and Rachel arrived back at the loft to find Finn and Brittany surrounded by several empty mugs of what appeared to be _microwaved hot chocolate_ , the remnants of Kurt's _homemade brownie batter,_ which he had specifically told Finn he was not to touch, a lone, half eaten, Granny Smith, and his brother and his favorite ex-girlfriend -- okay, Brittany was his _only_ ex-girlfriend -- sound asleep and _drooling_ on his _living room centerpiece_. Some people -- okay, the majority of the world -- referred to it as a _sectional_ , but Kurt did not take his focal points lightly. His horror only grew when he spotted Lord Tubbington, covered in melted cheese -- he dearly prayed it wasn't anything more rare than Velveeta -- passed out on his latest throw pillow, _which was from India_. The most horrifying thing of all? The fact that Rachel -- his fellow diva -- was practically _swooning_ at the sight. 

 

"Finn looks peaceful," Rachel responded, splaying her hand across her small bump as she did. "I think it was sweet of Britt."

 

Kurt paused. Finn _did_ look peaceful. "They probably had a better day than we did," he sighed, shaking his head. "I suppose we can let them sleep for awhile."

 

His conversation -- to refer to it politely -- with Blaine had left him with a niggling headache. 

 

"Let's talk in the kitchen," Rachel told him, linking her arm with his. "I have some things I have to say."

 

He sighed, inwardly, sensing where the conversation was going. Still, he allowed her to lead him into a mercifully spotless kitchen. Which, with Brittany and Finn left to their own devices was nothing short of a miracle. 

 

"Oh, thank _Gucci,_ " Kurt exclaimed. "Brittany has finally learned that the stove is not to be explored without proper supervision." 

 

"I thought that was Finn?," she retorted, smiling lightly at him. 

 

"Finn is improving," he said. "I fear Brittany has no hope."

 

Rachel prepared the water for tea and sat down at the table with Kurt, sighing heavily as she did. "I don't want him to come around here anymore," she told him. "He upsets your brother too much. I know he's your boyfriend...but he didn't even care. Our entire conversation was filled with BS excuses."

 

Kurt's sigh matched hers. "I know," he said, rather darkly. "Frankly, I'm not sure how much longer _I_ will be around _Blaine_." He sighed again. "Lately, ever since Finn came back, he has been so..."

 

"Unpleasant?," Rachel supplied, wrinkling her nose. 

 

"That would suffice," he agreed. "I was going to go with trying, however..."

 

His sister-in-law started to sniffle, and then to cry, though her sobs were silent. "I'm sorry," she wept, dabbing at her eyes with a napkin. "It's just...Finn is trying _so hard_ and Blaine has been being such an _asshole_! All Finn cared about last night was about the fact that he could have woken me up and about my being cold, he had ended up on the _fire escape_! It's going to snow soon!"

 

Kurt didn't know what to say. He was struggling to find words that would comfort when, much to his surprise and eternal gratitude, his lovable oaf of a brother padded slowly into the kitchen, _carrying the dirty mugs_. He even put them in the sink, before crossing back over to Rachel, smoothing out her hair. 

 

"Don' cry," Finn murmured, pulling the chair closest to his wife out and sitting on it, moving it as close to her as possible. "'Please don' cry, Rach. I'm here, I'm here, it's alright."


	4. Lay down your arms, give up the fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pregnancy sex and needed conversations. AKA Kurt nearly becomes scarred for life.

Chapter 4: Lay down your arms, give up the fight (touch)

 

"I'm sorry," Rachel whispered to Finn, taking the napkin he'd offered her and dabbing her eyes with it. "It's just...been a really rough day," she admitted, and she sniffled loudly. "Not because of anything _you've_ done!," she insisted, seeing how quickly her husband's face had drained of color and how his expression was on the verge of crumpling. "I'm just hormonal," she settled on, composing herself slightly. 

 

"Rach, if it's because of me, I can handle it," he replied, taking another napkin from the table and dabbing her tears with it. "If it's not...," he sighed. "D'you wanna sit on my lap? I'd like you to, if you want to."

 

Rachel was torn. She really did want to sit on Finn's lap, and it was nice of him to offer, but there was his knee to consider. She really did not want to derail his healing any further. But, he was being so sweet. And she could really use a hug. She nodded, minutely, pleasantly surprised when he picked her up off her chair, his gargantuan arms snug around her petite form. He settled her on his lap, and she smiled up at him, blinking the remaining tears out of her eyes. "Hey," she breathed, leaning the entirety of herself against his middle. "You sleep okay?"

 

She felt him lean his chin on top her head. "Yeah," Finn answered, after he'd pressed a kiss to her crown. "Would have been better with you, though," he added, and she felt him tighten his arms around her, ever so slightly. "I missed you, I woke up and you weren't there."

 

She felt guilty. "I'm sorry." 

 

"Nah, it's alright," he continued, allowing one of his hands to caress her abdomen as he spoke. "I know what you and Kurt were doing, I appreciate it." Another kiss, pressed down on the nape of her neck. Rachel let out an involuntary shiver, and she felt Finn's smile against her skin. "Cold, babe?" She could hear the smirk in his tone, and she felt the line of kisses down her shoulder, biting back a pleasured moan. She shifted in his lap, turning her head so she could kiss him deeply. 

 

"You _know_ I'm not cold," she teased, nipping at him. "In the _kitchen_ , Finn?" 

 

He kissed her back, shifting himself. Rachel smirked, sneaking her hand in between her legs, lightly rubbing him through his basketball shorts. "I _am_ wearing a skirt," she whispered throatily, mewling as his fingers slipped under her skirt, stroking her through her panties. "I'm certainly not saying no."

 

He slipped his hand down the front of her underwear, deftly stroking her clit, and she bucked her hips in pleasure. " _Finn_...," she breathed, grinding against his hand. "Don't _tease_." She let out a throaty moan, not caring that they had a bit of an audience in an entranced Kurt and Brittany, who were staring at them in horror and pleasure respectively. "Take me." 

 

Rachel let out a squeak as Finn lifted her up, and she hooked her legs around his waist, kissing him fervently, allowing him to carry her into their bedroom. She had to admit that the bed was a much more attractive spot to make love on, though she wouldn't have objected in the least to Finn taking her up on her offer to ride him on the kitchen chair. Her pregnancy hormones had arrived with a _vengeance_ , and she certainly wasn't going to complain. Especially since he was there, very much willing to _assist her with her needs_. She pushed their bedroom door closed with her foot, recollecting her wits enough to remember the presence of others in their domicile. 

 

"It's alright, right?," Finn murmured, continuing his line of kisses. "You feel alright?"

 

She nodded into his chest, easing off his shirt. "Yeah," she agreed, pulling away slightly so she could discard her blouse, throwing both offending articles of clothing in the vague direction of the hamper. "Ugnh, yeah," she moaned, Finn's hands having made their way to her _incredibly_ sensitive breasts. "Feels good," she encouraged, shifting position so he could unhook her bra, sighing breathily as he nipped lightly at them, his tongue lingering on her swollen nipples. "Oh _God!_ ," she exclaimed, breath quickening as he lavished her much-bigger breasts with much needed attention. 

 

Rachel pulled down Finn's shorts and boxers, hand grasping his straining erection, and she gently cupped it, stroking it up and down, just the way he liked it. Finn let out a soft growl, bucking into her hands as he reached for her underwear, her skirt long gone and hard to find. 

 

"You okay?," he asked, his tone filled with desire. "I want you to come first." He'd started doing that _thing_ again with her clit and his hand and she let out a pleasured moan, nodding eagerly at him. 

 

"More," she directed, adjusting his hand ever so slightly. " _Please_ , Finn, _keep doing that_!" She could feel just how entirely turned on she was getting, just off of his fingers alone. "Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, _please don't stop!_ " 

 

Mercifully, Finn heeded her words, only stopping to replace his hands with his tongue, a decision that Rachel Hudson _entirely_ approved of. She let out a pleasured scream, fingers digging into her husband's hair. "Ooooh, _Finn_ ," she breathed, once she had ridden out her majority of her orgasm, "I _liked_ that."

 

"Yeah?," he asked, licking his lips. "I liked it too." He kissed her on the lips, erection brushing against her as he adjusted himself to nuzzle her bump. "I love you, Rach."

 

"I love you too," she assured him, climbing on top of him so she could straddle his legs, allowing him to enter her. She slowly lowered herself down, letting out a low moan as he thrust into her, starting off slow. "Go faster," she encouraged, hooking her legs around him, pushing him deeper into her. She _needed_ this. "Please, Finn, _faster. Oh, oh, oh, OH OH OH!"_ With each thrust she felt more and more turned on, especially since Finn had resumed paying attention to her breasts. "Oh my God, Oh my God, _Oh my God, OH GOD!"_ With a final thrust, she felt Finn come inside her, just as she had her second orgasm.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Finn let Rachel roll off him, as he tried to regain control of his breath, still recovering from his orgasm. She laid her head on his chest and smiled up at him, and he tugged his arms around her. This was _awesome_ , he thought to himself. He had such an awesome wife. Seriously, he thought, Rachel was the best thing he had in the world at the moment. She was so good to him. _And_ , she was giving them their first baby in less than five months. He could hardly wait. 

 

"What's wrong?," he asked, noticing that her hands hadn't left her abdomen for the entire time he'd been holding her. "Is she alright? Are you alright?"

 

He let out a shaky breath when she nodded, a wide grin gracing her features. "We're fine, Finn," she promised. "She's just _really active_ all of a sudden," she continued. "I think we woke her up."

 

"Can I say hi?," he asked, beyond pleased when Rachel took his hand and covered it with hers, placing them right where their baby was kicking. And she really was kicking, like, super hard. Finn really, really, really liked that. "We did that?"

 

Rachel nodded, her grin growing even wider. "Yes," she told him. "That's our baby, we did that."

 

"That's really awesome," he told her. "She's so awesome." He tenderly ran his palm down her abdomen, grinning as their baby followed him. 

 

"She gets that from her awesome daddy," she said, her eyes filled with love. Finn just shook his head. "What?," Rachel asked. "You are awesome. Finn, you are the greatest guy I know."

 

"Sometimes I don't feel awesome," he mumbled, gaze dropping to her swollen belly. "I just want to be better," he said, not moving his hand. "I want to be someone that this little girl will be proud of, not some crazy freak that can't stop screaming at night."

 

"Don't call yourself that," she hissed. "Stop it, Finn. You aren't a freak. _Please_ believe me."

 

"But, last night -- " He started to say, before Rachel cut him off, disentangling herself from his arms and sitting up in bed. 

 

"Finn, last night was the first time in a long time that you have done that," she said. "And you are not going to be like this forever. You are going to get better or we are going to find ways to accommodate your flashbacks, okay? Our children will not think their father is a freak and _neither will you._ " 

 

"I can't help it," he muttered. "I'm sorry, Rachel." He rolled over, his back facing her. He knew it was childish, but at that moment, he really didn't care.

 

He shut his eyes, feeling her shifting closer to him, and he waited for her response, surprised when it was simply to wrap her arms around him, her bump flush against him. Their baby girl kicked -- Finn didn't know if she had ever stopped -- and he exhaled loudly. 

 

"I know," she whispered. "Honey, I know."

 

He drew a shaky breath, afraid to face her, tears slipping down his face. He _hated_ this, dammit. He just wanted to be _normal._ a normal husband to go with his normal wife and their normal adorable little baby. Because Finn knew with Rachel as her mom their girl was going to be the cutest baby in the universe. They deserved better than him. And he knew that, whether or not Rachel wanted to admit it. 

 

"You married a man in the Army," Finn tried to explain, struggling to find the right words. "I was going to get a good job, I was going to do right by you. And we were going to have our family and you would have had your Tony and everything would be okay."

 

He swallowed roughly. "And now look at us. You're still and school and we're pregnant before we're twenty-five and I can't work or do _anything_ ," he moaned. "I am so sorry, babe."

 

"I'm not," she responded, and he rolled over in shock, putting way too much pressure on his healing knee. "It's alright, Finn. We're alright. And you have nothing to be sorry for."

 

Rachel pecked him on the lips. "I'm glad you got discharged," she said. "Now you get to experience my entire pregnancy, not just see it through the internet."

 

He managed a grin at that, at the fact that, hell, she had a point. "I remember when you told me you were pregnant with her," Finn recalled, resting his hand above Rachel's hip, his fingers rubbing her taught skin idly. "You called me on Skype, you didn't care how late it was, you showed me your ultrasound and told me that you bought her a onesie that said 'my daddy is my army hero'." He chuckled at that, smiling into her hair. "Then you brought your computer close to you so I could meet her." His hand moved higher. "Rach, that was one of the happiest moments of my life."

 

Rachel beamed at him, smiling that cute smile she knew he loved, with her nose wrinkling up as she did, and he knew immediately that that had been the right thing to say. Sometimes, Finn wasn't good at saying the right things, so he was super proud of getting this right with Rachel. He loved her, so much. And he loved their daughter. "...did you say _children_?," he asked. "Earlier?"

 

"Yeah," she replied. "I'd like more than one. If you'd want that, of course?"

 

"Yeah, of course," Finn told her, getting another one of her smiles as he did. "I'll be a good dad, I will." 

 

Rachel giggled at him, brown eyes lighting up. "Finn, you are the best dad in the world," she informed him. "When you first arrived at the hospital here, all _you_ cared about was if _I_ was okay and informed everyone at the VA that was in earshot and had anything to do with you and your care that I was carrying your baby and they had better not let anything happen to me. You also informed Kurt that he would have to be the de facto father in your stead, and you were so concerned about it that he practically signed a blood promise."

 

Finn placed a kiss in her hair. "I vaguely recall that," he admitted, mainly due to Kurt's horrified look when he came to after his surgery and he demanded to know whether being blood brothers would permanently scar his skin. "'member her kicking for the first time, though."

 

"You do?," she asked. He nodded. "Oh, _Finn_."

 

"Yeah, you were all curled up against me on my good side," he recounted. "It was just the two of us, so I asked if I could see your belly in person, and you got really excited and your face got really red, but you told me that that was a _good_ thing, and you lifted up your shirt and placed my hand on your stomach and you said that she was kicking a little bit for you but I could see if she would for me. An' then you fell asleep, but I _felt her_." 

 

"Starting a trend with her that continues to this day," she teased. 


	5. Raise your glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brittany causes Kurt to Believe; Santana arrives back home.

Chapter 5: Raise your glass (Pina Colada)

 

Kurt Hummel desperately needed a drink. Did he _seriously_ see his brother and sister-in-law practically _fornicating_ on his _kitchen table_? Whilst he and Brittany -- two innocent witnesses -- were present? He felt nauseous at the thought. 

 

"Technically, they were doing it on the chair," Brittany chimed in, staring dreamily in the direction that the heterosexual love-fest had gone in, a pleased look on her face. He stared. "You were talking out loud," she continued. "I wanted to correct you."

 

"I need to burn that chair," he muttered, attempting to ignore Brittany. "I need entirely new furniture, that Finn has not sullied. Oh my _God_."

 

"I thought you said that God was like Santa for grownups," his companion chirped. "I'm glad you believe in Him now, because Santa totally gave me what I asked for for Christmas." The blonde eyed him expectantly, and Kurt let out a very tired sigh. He really didn't understand Brittany sometimes. 

 

"What did you ask Santa for?," Kurt asked, dreading the response that could potentially leave her lips. "My brother induced welcome to heterosexual married sex?" Oh, the _things_ he had seen. And Rachel! _Rachel!_ Encouraging Finn to _take her right there in the kitchen_. He supposed that at least he could be grateful for the small miracle that Finn of all people had had the sense to take her into their bedroom. 

 

"I told Santa to bring Finn back," Brittany informed Kurt, kissing him sloppily on the cheek. "And he did!" She hugged herself tightly, before launching herself into Kurt's arms. 

 

He held her, not entirely certain how to respond. Was Brittany thinking that Santa was the cause of Finn's return _honestly_ the worst thing? Seeing as she still believed in Santa, he quickly decided that it was not. Sometimes the delusions of belief were needed to maintain a healthy equilibrium. And he suspected that his death would be swift if he upset Brittany with Santana around. Yes. Absolutely. Santa was the reason for Finn's return. 

 

"Thank you for asking Santa, Brittany," Kurt said, voice somewhat muffled as he was pressed tightly against her. "I appreciate it."

 

She beamed, nuzzling the side of his face. "I just wish Santa hadn't made him so sad," she pouted. "Maybe that can be my next wish!"

 

He opened and closed his mouth, blinking rapidly. He really didn't have the energy to explain the complexities of war and PTSD and whether or not Santa Claus existed, not when he had soul scarring memories to erase with frothy mixed drink goodness. 

 

"Want to make pina coladas?," he asked, hoping to distract her. "I'll even let you blend!"

 

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Santana smirked at Lady Fabulous, noticing his great discomfort as Brittany told her in great detail about her day spent babysitting the recovering Man Teats. She sipped the offered drink slowly, an amused glint growing in her eyes the redder that Hummel turned. And Hummel could turn an impressive shade of red. 

 

"Oh, why do you look like that?," she asked him, snorting. "Surely you knew they boned. How do you think your niece was spawned?"

 

Brittany muttered something about the stork, and she stroked her hair, pleased when their friend started to splutter incoherently. This was _delightful_ , Santana thought, surveying her surroundings. She quickly realized that something was off. 

 

Someone minute and annoying and not in the perversely pleasant way -- aka the artist formally known as Berry -- was missing. 

 

"Where is Short and Curly?," she demanded of Kurt. "I miss the familiar discontent that his presence causes."

 

Hummel started to cough, nearly choking on his drink. Brittany climbed off her lap to cluck at him, leveling her best attempt at a glare at Santana. 

 

"That's not nice," her girlfriend told her, pouting. "My dolphins are fighting, Blaine is mad that my wish to Santa came true."

 

 _Wish to Santa_? Santana asked, wracking her brain, trying to fathom what the hell Brittany had wished for that would upset the Hobbit. It was _Brittany_ , for Heaven's sake. The fact that she still believed in Santa was a sign that she wasn't exactly wishing for hurtful things. 

 

And then the Orca walked into the room, arm in arm with the Midget, and things fell into place. 

 

"Are you serious?," she mouthed to Hummel, who gave her a short nod, attempting to disentangle himself from her dancer. 

 

Now, Santana Lopez was not exactly any fan of Finn Hudson -- he was frankly a childish oaf that had no business being an adult and married and raising children -- but she certainly tolerated his presence enough to know that he wasn't the worst person in the world. He was good to Brittany -- a trait she wished more people would adopt -- and he controlled the crazy that was his wife. Plus, the whole 'nearly dying' thing had supplanted her typical annoyance at Gigantor. 

 

"Heard you had a fun afternoon," Santana told the lovely couple, amused with their matching blushes. 


	6. the monster's gone, he's on the run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt Hummel was about to do something he rarely did: relax. He had a thick book that his father and mother had given him the last time that they had come up, and he was determined to spend some quality time delving into the novel.

Rachel recovered herself before Finn did, her face returning to its normal coloring. Finn was still vaguely resembling a lobster. 

 

"You told them?," she demanded of Kurt, crossing her arms. "Do you really think that what goes on in our bedroom is an appropriate topic for discussion?! Honestly, you are Finn's _brother-_ "

 

"I didn't say anything about what happened in your bedroom," Brittany insisted, eyes wide. "But what happened? I wanted to watch, you were very rude to interrupt our show."

 

Kurt looked green. "Britt--," he started to say, before simply groaning. 

 

"I thought the two of you were super hot," she continued, clasping her hands and walking over to where she and Finn stood, an expression of what Rachel could only describe as adoration visible on her countenance. She bit back a sigh. "It really got me wet," she told them, as Santana smirked and her brother-in-law started to hyperventilate. "I think you should do it in the kitchen more often."

 

"I will take what you said under consideration," Rachel said after a moment of agonized thought, leaning against her husband as she did. "Thank you for your advice."

 

Brittany beamed. She heard Kurt let out a shuddering sigh of relief. Santana looked amused. Finn relaxed slightly, his fingers tightly gripping hers. She made the executive decision to lead him over to the couch, where at least they were only under the eyes of a slumbering Lord Tubbington. Rachel slowly eased herself down on the couch, making sure Finn sat beside her. 

 

"You okay?," she asked him softly, making a surprised noise when he sprawled out on the entirety of the couch, setting her in between his legs. "What are you doing?"

 

He chuckled softly, the sound of his laughter filling her with warmth. "Can't a man just cuddle with his wife?," he asked. "I'm okay, Rach, really," he told her. "I would rather people be normal around me than treat me like I'm so fragile I'll break." 

 

She leaned back against him, relaxing fully, laying her head on his abdomen. She couldn't help it, she was that short. And she was too tired from their activities of the day -- not to mention, her other activities -- to adjust herself so that she was on his chest. No, his abdomen was fine, as far as she was concerned. It was perfect, actually. 

 

"I love you, Finn," she whispered, slowly shutting her eyes. "I'm glad you're home."

 

He wrapped his arms around her, and she cuddled into his embrace. "You tired, babe?," he asked. She sleepily shook her head. "It's alright, we can nap together."

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Kurt wondered if he should nudge his older brother awake -- his snoring from his position on the couch was really quite horrific to the ears -- but he supposed that in Finn's case, any sleep was good. Especially since the sleeping Finn and Rachel and the vacating Brittany and Santana had graciously allowed Kurt to right the wrongs that had been inflicted in the loft upon his absence. Well, the great majority of them, anyways. He was still uncertain as to the ultimate fate of his new enemy: the defiled chair. Still, without the ' _helpfulness'_ of others, he had managed to clean house _and_ get started on dinner _in a timely manner._

 

If there was a Heaven to be believed in, Kurt was in it right that very moment.

 

A bulb flickered, and he made a mental note to ask Finn to change it in the near future. He wasn't going to worry about it now. 

 

In fact, Kurt Hummel was about to do something he _rarely did_ : relax. He had a thick book that his father and mother had given him the last time that they had come up, and he was determined to spend some quality time delving into the novel. 

 

Making sure the stew was simmering slowly, he finished the pre-dinner preparations of Finn's favorite foods (well, _healthier_ versions). You see, Kurt was feeling guilty about the misbehaving that his ever so dapper and charming boyfriend had gotten up to. Frankly, he wasn't certain how much longer that Blaine would _remain_ his boyfriend, what with his attitude lately. Honestly, it was so off putting. And if he heard one more thing that Blaine had done wrong leave Finn's lips -- well, frankly, he was so unamused that he might resort to violence. 

 

He hummed softly to himself as he tidied up the kitchen, joining his slumbering family on the couch, book in hand. 

 

"Dude," he heard, merely half a chapter into the book, and he peered over at the source of the offending nickname. "'m cold, but I don' wanna wake Rae," his brother whispered (a skill he had not been known to have in their teenage years!), leaning his head back to brush against Kurt's hardcover tome. Kurt sighed. 

 

"What is it that I can do for you?," he asked, a bit harried at the interruption. 

 

"Will you tuck us in?," Finn asked, bashfully. "With my favorite blanket?"

 

He was tempted to refuse, or simply ignore, Finn, but one well placed pout later (and the fact that Kurt knew his brother wouldn't let him read in peace until he did so), led Kurt to be touching his least favorite blanket in the entire house, a hideous OSU microfiber monstrosity that his parents (dear and loving though they were) had given Finn when he was in the hospital. Oh, how he wished he had been consulted color scheme wise. 

 

Still it wouldn't do good for Rachel to freeze -- and thus his niece as well -- and Finn _had_ managed to ask nicely. Therefore he found himself smoothing out the blanket over the twosome (well, threesome, he supposed) with the greatest care. 

 

"Better?," he asked, leaning over to press a chaste kiss on Finn's forehead. 

 

"Yeah," he said, grinning widely. "M'baby's awake," he added, taking a rather surprised Kurt's hand in his and settling them down on Rachel's abdomen, completely undoing his blanket smoothing. "Can you feel?," Finn asked him, eyes filled with anticipation. "Rach says that she can recognize people's voices."

 

He felt a hard thump coming from beneath Rachel's skin, and his eyes widened in surprise. (Rachel just let out a loud snore and grabbed on to Finn's t-shirt, still sound asleep.) Finn eyed him expectantly, and he nodded. "How can Rachel sleep through this?," he asked. 

 

"She must be tired," Finn told him, and he watched him caress Rachel's belly with a tenderness he had never before seen from him. "'s alright, she says I can keep her company if I want. I'd hate for her to feel lonely."

 

His niece kicked again. "She's not lonely, Finn," he told him. "She's got a daddy and a mommy that love her and can't wait for her to get here and she's got grandparents that I know are setting up nurseries for her in DC and in Lima, and she's got a whole slew of aunties and uncles that love her." Another kick. "See? She knows."

 

"Yeah?," Finn asked softly, gazing up at Kurt. "You promise?"

 

"I promise," he said. 


	7. (and your daddy's here)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What are you sorry for, sweetie?," she asked, exchanging a worried look with Burt. "Did something happen?" Her mind filled with dread, not at all amused at what sort of potential calamities her mostly recovered son could get up to. "Finnegan?," she demanded, when the only response was the sound of him eating.

Finn bounced nervously in his seat, wheeling the little stool as close as he could get it to Rachel, one of his crutches clattering to the ground in the process. He cringed at the loud clang that the metal hitting metal made, but he forced himself to focus on the task at hand. No matter how much his knee hurt (and that day was a bad day), he and Rachel were going to see their baby today. To say that Finn couldn't wait was an understatement. 

 

"You okay?," he asked Rachel worriedly, clasping her hand as he did. 

 

She bit her lip, a smile on her face. "Oh, Finn, I'm fine," she told him, stroking the back of his hand with her fingers. "Just excited to see her again."

 

Rachel had been to see the baby loads of times. Okay, twice. But he was still slightly jealous.

 

He leaned over and buried his head against her belly, blowing the baby raspberries. She giggled, and he felt the ripple of movement in response. "That tickles," Rachel told him, blushing a bright red. 

 

"Daddy gets to see you soon," Finn trilled to her belly with excitement, only getting happier when their daughter responded by getting super active, like _whoa_. "You like this, don't you? You like Daddy being here? You gonna show off for me?"

 

He pressed a kiss to the baby's favorite spot, beyond pleased with himself and what they had created. "Someone's excited," his wife murmured, her hands running through his hair. "You feelin' better, now?"

 

He nodded. His knee totally killed but he was able to ignore it for the most part, especially since the doctor's appointment that Rachel had scheduled had gone really, really, well. His wife was healthy and their baby girl was healthy. Right on schedule, their doctor had said. 

 

"Can we get ice cream later?," she asked, eyeing him hopefully. He nodded. He loved ice cream. He loved her. Shit, he would have eaten some totally nasty tofu thing if that had been what made his Rachie and his baby happy. 

 

"Whatever my best girlies want," he told her, eyes glinting with happy tears. "Just say the words."

 

The arrival of the ultrasound technician snapped Finn out of his playful mood, and he smoothed down Rachel's shirt, fixing his best serious look on his face. This was _awesome_.

 

Rachel shivered slightly as the tech applied the gel, assuring Finn rather hastily that it was normal, and she directed his attention to the screen, where Finn could hear a loud, clear as day, thumping sound.

 

"That's your baby's heartbeat," the sonographer informed him. "Baby's heart is right where it should be."

 

 _Awesome_ , he thought, squeezing Rachel's hand tightly, grinning widely as the image on the screen came to life, and he saw their baby girl, totally showing off for the two of them. "She's your daughter, babe," Finn teased, awed. "She's showin' off for the camera."

 

"She's showing off for _you_ , Finn," Rachel corrected. "She loves her daddy."

 

"Really?," he asked, awed.

 

"Yes," she said, "You're daddy, you're her favorite guy. And she knows you're watching her."

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

"Mom, she knows who I am!," Finn's voice, though crackling over the phone lines, was clearly filled with child-like excitement. Carole smiled to herself as she washed the dishes, enjoying the sound of her son's voice. "Rach says she _loves me_. My baby loves me. And I love my baby." 

 

"I know, baby boy," she replied, putting the dishes in the drying rack. "I think it's very sweet."

 

"You gonna come see us?," he asked. "Come on, you visited loads when I was in the hospital."

 

Carole bit back a sigh, worrying her lower lip slightly. "You _want_ me to come visit you?"

 

Finn coughed, after a moment of silence that was most likely him nodding into the phone. "Yeah, it'd be awesome. You and Dad should both come."

 

"Okay, honey," she agreed, cradling the phone with her shoulder as she dried her hands with the dish towel and walked out of the kitchen and to the living room, where Burt was sat, watching a college football game. She sat down beside her husband on the couch, holding the phone up to her other ear as she snuggled close to him. "For Thanksgiving?"

 

He made a pained sound. "N-no, Mom, we thought we could come out," he replied. "You know, a nice Lima Thanksgiving?"

 

Carole clucked soothingly into the phone, smiling up at Burt as he wrapped his arm around her. "Whatever you want, dear," she told her son, shrugging her shoulders. "If you want to do the holiday out here instead of in New York or DC, that's fine with me."

 

More crackling was heard from the other end, though it was followed by the sounds of Finn chewing on something. "You sure?," he asked, his words muffled. "Because I don't...you can come up...Mom, I'm so sorry."

 

"What are you sorry for, sweetie?," she asked, exchanging a worried look with Burt. "Did something happen?" Her mind filled with dread, not at all amused at what sort of potential calamities her mostly recovered son could get up to. "Finnegan?," she demanded, when the only response was the sound of him eating. 

 

"Sorry, Ma," he mumbled. "I was eating a ring ding."

 

"Yes, but what are you sorry for?," she repeated, feeling a bit like a broken record. 

 

"Did I ruin everything?," he asked softly. "When I came home? Did I ruin everything?"

 

"You didn't," she promised. "Honey...what happened? Is it Rachel?"

 

"No!," he insisted, the love and pride coming out of his voice. "No, Rachel...she's been great," he assured her. "I love Rachel, she doesn't think I'm a loser or that I'm being ridiculous when I tell her I don't like loud noises and she's _having our baby, Ma_. 's not her, I love her. Love my Rach."

 

"Why do you think you're ruining everything?," she asked, furrowing her brow. 

 

"Blaine," he muttered, his tone darkening. "He makes me feel like sh-- _dirt_. Sorry, Ma." 

 

Carole sighed, pressing her hand to her temple. "I don't understand," she told him. "What do you mean? Blaine has known you for years --"

 

Burt stiffened beside her, a hardened look gracing his features, and she patted his knee comfortingly. "He's always thought he was better than me," Finn continued. "Sorry, not all of us can go to a fancy prep school an' get into a fancy drama school an' sing on _off-off-off Broadway_. An' why's that so special, anyways?"

 

She prepared to speak, but Finn rambled on, after pausing for breath. "I didn't think I did that bad, Ma. I know...I know you and Dad, you and Dad, you didn't want me to go into the Army, but I didn't think I did that bad."

 

"You didn't, sweetie," she assured him. "And I am sure that Blaine will come around."

 

Carole held back a sigh. In truth, she wasn't so certain. Burt reached out for the phone, clearly wanting to speak to their son. 

 

"Can I say hi to Dad?," Finn asked hopefully. "I wanna tell him about Rach's appointment." The proud tone was back again, and Carole's heart melted.

 

"Of course, baby," she cooed. "He's right here."

 

She handed the phone to Burt, who took it willingly. "Hey, son," he said. "Your mom says that you got to see your little girl?"


	8. where is love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brotherly chat leads to an unfortunate realization.

Burt Hummel had to admit that it was a relief to finally hear that endearingly hyper sound of Finn's voice (that only appeared when he was beyond excited) again, and he nearly found himself choking up at the exuberance that was heard over the line. 

 

"You have a copy for us, buddy?," he asked, a hopeful edge to his voice. "She is our first granddaughter, you know."

 

"Yeah, of _course_ ," Finn replied, the very definition of cheer. "We got them to make like ten copies," he said. " _And_ they gave us a DVD."

 

"That's amazing," Burt breathed. "I can't wait to meet her." He really couldn't. He wanted to hold his granddaughter so desperately. "How's Rachel feeling these days?"

 

He stretched out more fully on the couch, Carole moving to accommodate him. By day, Burt was both Congressman and Mechanic, but he lived and breathed for spending time with his wife and their sons. And Rachel was pretty much their daughter, so...he was willing to devote this time to her as well. 

 

Finn made a contented noise into the phone, before resuming their conversation. "Rae's good," he told him. "She's gettin' bigger, you can _totally_ tell that she's carrying our baby. It's awesome, I love it. She's doin' real, real, good."

 

Burt was pleased to hear that, though he secretly wondered if Rachel's feelings on getting bigger were as joyful as Finn's. Not that he voiced his suspicions out loud. 

 

"I'm glad, son," he said. "Does she have time to speak to her favorite father-in-law?"

 

"She's _sleeping_ , Dad!," Finn told him, a chiding tone (that he clearly picked up from Kurt) to his voice. "She's _tired_ , the baby is growing. I don't want to disturb her, I'm sorry." His son had clearly just given him the least sincere apology _ever_ , and it was for something that Burt couldn't even blame him for. 

 

"Don't you want to join her?," he asked. "Instead of talkin' to your old man?"

 

"I am with her, Dad," he replied. "Jus' not tired, but I'm with her."

 

Burt sighed. "Look, I'm gonna let you go," he said. "Nap with Rachel. But you better send me that pic."

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

"What do you think?," Kurt asked, entering his brother and sister-in-law's room, seeking only the honest opinion that could come from either Rachel or Finn Hudson. "Blaine bought it for me, I thought I would wear it out tonight."

 

Finn, _puffy vest loving_ Finn, was eyeing him in trepidation, a look of _revulsion_ on his face. "What is that?," he asked, his voice thick with sleep. "I don't understand."

 

"I'm hoping he has understood our points of view in regards to your situation," Kurt explained, striding over to Finn, Blaine's latest gift following in his stead. "I feel that if he does I should give him another chance."

 

His brother stifled a yawn. "No, dude," he said. "I get that. What I don't get is what you're wearing. Is it a cape?"

 

Finally, Kurt thought, patting himself mentally on the back. Years of fashion tutoring had paid off. Finn knew his outerwear. He preened. There _was_ hope.

 

"Precisely, dear brother," he gushed. "Don't you like it?"

 

Finn minutely shook his head. "I don't get it. Is it _black velvet_? It doesn't make sense. And what is with the purple fur? Did Blaine skin Grimace???"

 

Kurt caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and almost screamed, only stopping himself from doing so because Rachel was sleeping. Finn's Grimace comparison was worryingly apt. 

 

"I can't wear this," he declared. "My Gaga."

 

Finn peered at him. "Please don't. It's scary, Kurt. It looks like something you would see on CATS." His older brother buried his face in Rachel's shoulder, and Kurt was filled with envy for both the sleeping Rachel and for Finn, who was clearly so comfortable in his relationship with the smaller woman that he saw nothing wrong with little displays of affection around mixed company. Kurt couldn't remember the last time he and Blaine had been so casually affectionate. 

 

"Are you like that often?," he asked, curious. 

 

"Like what?," Finn asked, curiously. "'m not doing anything." And yet, he was, as his arm was casually on top of Rachel, covering her sleeping form over the comforter. "What are you talkin' about, bro?"

 

"You're touching each other," he said. "In front of me."

 

Finn's arm was hovering above Rachel's hip, and Kurt hastily sensed a need to amend his thoughts. "It's _sweet_ , Finn. But Blaine never does that with me."

 

Hand connected with hip, Rachel snuggled closer, and Finn shot him a confused look. "I _always_ do this stuff," he mumbled. "'s part of being a good husband, a good partner, a good guy. I can't even help myself...she's my lady. It's like I do it self-consciously."

 

"Subconsciously, Finn," he corrected. "Automatically. Self-consciously means you are embarrassed."

 

" _Not_ embarrassed of Rachel," he informed him. "Is Blaine embarrassed of you?"

 

Kurt pondered the thought.


	9. this time it was bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you don't, I can kill you without anyone suspecting a thing."

“No,  _Brittany_ , I don’t know anything about the chances of cats curing PTSD,” Quinn said pointedly, shooting a pained look at Mercedes as she did. “Where do you get these ideas?”  
  
Her friend chattered away about how she was so certain Lord Tubbington had made Finn ‘like a million percent better’, and Quinn bit back a sigh. Why was it always she that got the untold joy of dealing with Brittany’s inanities? Come to think of it, hadn’t she called  _Kurt_?

 

“Why did you answer Kurt’s phone?” She asked Brittany tiredly, when a quick check on the display of her phone’s screen confirmed her belief. “Is everything alright?”  
  
“Yes,” she responded. “Kurtsie is having a fashion crisis, he keeps talking about Grimace and cats and puffy vests,” she informed her, clearly repeating Kurt’s words verbatim. “You should see the cape Blaine bought him. I told him that it was ugly when he picked it out for him at the store.”

 

She sighed. “How is Finn doing?” She asked, trying to retain the hope that she may be able to salvage a thread of sanity in the conversation. A spark of hope entered her mind. Perhaps Finn was home. Surely he could spare a moment for his good friend Quinn. She loved Brittany, but she certainly wasn’t prepared for Brittany’s quirks at that moment. “Actually, is Finn home?”

 

“Yes, he and Rachel are being boring again,” the response came.

 

She decided she didn’t want to know. “May I speak to him?” Her tone was pained, and she hoped Brittany didn’t notice. “Is he up for a conversation?”  
  
Mercy had the  _gall_ to snicker at her, and she smacked her on the shoulder, slightly harder than actually needed.  _Be quiet_ , she hissed, as the clueless former Cheerio did everything besides getting her Finn.

 

“I think he’s awake,” she heard, hearing Brittany open a door. “He was talking to Kurtsie earlier.”

 

Ah, Quinn thought. That explained the puffy vests comment. “Wait, what are you doing?” She asked, dreading the sound of what she unfortunately recognized as Brittany attempting to be quiet. “Brittany?” She queried. Her friend made a shushing sound. Quinn felt a wary sense of unease. “Brittany?” She demanded, in a sharper tone than before. Another shushing sound and Quinn had had enough. “Brittany, why are you telling me to be quiet?”

 

“Because I think they are sleeping,” she informed her, in a rather loud stage whisper. “I’m not sure, though. So I was going to check.”

 

 

"Stop!," Quinn demanded, in a rather harsh tone. "Don't check to see if they are awake. Do not disturb them, Brittany." She let out a harsh breath, leveling her gaze at her still snickering roommate. "Let them rest."

 

 

"But you wanted to talk to Finn!," Brittany protested, rather faintly. 

 

"No, I wanted to...," she trailed off, not wanting to be rude to the other woman. "Why don't you tell Finn or Kurt or somebody human that I called when they are free?"

 

"Okay," she said. "Santana says she wants to kick Runt Nut's ass," she informed her. "Does she mean Blaine?"

 

Quinn sighed. Why did Santana always resort to violence and why did she always get the joy of explaining Santana to Brittany? 

 

 

 

***

 

 

Blaine was  _late_ , Kurt noted, not at all approving of that decision of his boyfriend's. Honestly, were the situations reversed,  _he_  would have been  _begging_  for Blaine's forgiveness. So it made sense that Blaine did not see fit to do the same. Kurt was therefore very annoyed.

 

Add in the fact that he had observed romantic gestures between both of his housemates and their significant others, and his mood was dour indeed. It made sense that Finn and Rachel would be cuddly and loved up, he had rationalized. After all, Finn had just come back from the Middle East, Rachel was  _pregnant_ , and they were a happily married couple. Plus Finn was the human equal to a puppy dog. He would cuddle with an inanimate object if he had nothing better to do. 

 

Kurt had been satisfied with Finn and Rachel being abnormal, until he noticed that Santana and Brittany were not, as he though on first glance, getting their sweet lady kisses on on his couch, but rather curled up, feeding each other  _strawberries_. Blaine barely even kissed him anymore.

 

He didn't even remember the last time Blaine had posted anything about him on Facebook.

 

But, the lateness was the last straw, he had decided. Ten minutes had turned to twenty which had turned to thirty. He wondered if he had been stood up. 

 

 

***

 

 

"What are you doing here?," Blaine demanded, eying the taller man that filled his doorway with wariness. "Kurt's not here," he informed him.

 

"I know that, Blaine," Finn replied, clenching his fists by his sides as he did. "Do you know  _why_  I know that?"

 

Of course Blaine knew why he knew that, but he certainly wasn't going to say or admit to anything out loud, especially not to the hulking 21 year old. He hoped that his companion for the evening had the sense to stay in his bedroom. He really didn't relish the thought of Finn beating him up for daring to cheat on wonderful Kurt. 

 

"Don't tell me he expected me to actually discuss things with him," Blaine snorted, rolling his eyes at the thought. "I have nothing to say to him on the subject of my feelings towards you. You should have been prepared to handle what you saw in that ridiculous war."

 

"The war wasn't ridiculous!," Finn exclaimed, and Blaine saw fire in his eyes. "I believe in the Army, I believe in myself, we did not fight a ridiculous war! People like you are the  _reason_  people are against the war!"

 

"Then why do you interrupt my sleep?," he asked, drolly. 

 

Finn opened his mouth, clearly about to drop some more right wing propaganda, when his jaw dropped, and he jabbed his finger into a spot on Blaine's neck. 

 

"That's  _lipstick_ ," he breathed. "That's lipstick, and that's a hickey. You cheated on my brother with a  _drag queen_? You cheated on _my brother?_!" Finn's voice had risen to thundering levels, and Blaine found himself being lifted up by the shirt collar, suddenly eye to eye with a very angry former soldier. "I don't give two shits what you think about me, you  _cheated on Kurt_!"

 

"A woman," he muttered, not sure if that would worsen the situation or better it. "She's not a drag queen."

 

"You  _asshole_!," Finn exclaimed, releasing him with way too much force, causing him to bounce off the ground. "Wasn't your little stunt with  _my Rachel_  enough? Now you're doing it  _again_?"

 

"I lied to him!," he tried to explain, though Finn looked like he didn't have any interest in hearing the explanation. "I'm  _bisexual_ , Finn. It's  _allowed_."

 

Finn's boot clad foot connected with him in a very sensitive area, and he moaned loudly in pain. "That's for lying to my brother, the  _entire_  time you've been together. And I don't think bisexual is a secret code for hoeing around."

 

"You can't tell him," he threatened, though his attempt was sort of pathetic since he was moaning in pain and was pretty sure his ability to have children was compromised. 

 

Finn snorted like a bull, and he stared down at him in disbelief. "You're kidding me, right? You take six years of my brother's life, you  _lie_  to him for six years, you  _cheat_  on him and you think it's  _okay_! You're a piece of shit, and Kurt deserves better." He shook his head. "But, you're right," he said. "I can't tell him."

 

"You will," he said. "And if you don't, I can kill you without anyone suspecting a thing."

 

 


	10. slugger through both headlights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't care if you're happy or not!," Finn exclaimed, getting an uppercut in on Blaine's jaw, satisfied when the smaller man (though Finn didn't think he deserved that descriptor) let out a howl of pain, clutching his hand to his face. The crack of his jaw had proceeded that action. "You lied to my brother and you lied to him about something that you shouldn't have lied to him about, and that's not Kosher, forget about the fact that you cheated."

 

"Where are you going?" Blaine had the gall -- that had been a word of the day on one of Kurt's calenders over the course of their brotherhood, and Finn was fairly certain he was using it correctly -- to demand. "Surely you aren't going to tell him?"

 

He felt his temper rise, his fists clenched with rage. "And why shouldn't I tell _my brother_ about his _cheating boyfriend_?" Finn had been cheated on before, and those had been non-serious high school relationships. He had also been the cheater. Finn was still fairly certain that his actions with Quinn when she had been dating Sam were nothing compared to Blaine cheating on the person he had been dating for -- Finn mentally counted -- _five_ years. "The hell, Blaine?"

 

"It's not cheating if it's a girl," Blaine informed him, and Finn contemplated his words for approximately half a second, before deciding that it was the dumbest thing Finn had ever heard. And he had heard a lot of dumb things. "Really, Finn, we have different parts. So it's alright!" There it was again. Blaine's light, airy, condescending tone, which he wore when he was trying to make Finn feel like he was a total moron. 

 

"You're full of it," he said darkly, shoving Blaine roughly. "You have _no right_!"

 

"No right for what? To be happy?" His former pseudo-future-brother-in-law demanded. 

 

"I don't care if you're happy or not!," Finn exclaimed,  getting an uppercut in on Blaine's jaw, satisfied when the smaller man (though Finn didn't think he deserved that descriptor) let out a howl of pain, clutching his hand to his face. The crack of his jaw had proceeded that action. "You lied to my brother and you lied to him about something that you shouldn't have lied to him about, and that's not Kosher, forget about the fact that you cheated."

 

"And forget about how you treated me!" He decided. "Forget that! Just...just go fuck yourself."

 

"I don't need to!" Was Blaine's response. The coward beat a hasty retreat.

 

Luckily for the sanity of Blaine's neighbors, Finn was able to quickly hail a cab, though he wanted to kick the hell out of their public fire box.

 

Finn Hudson was the maddest that he had ever been _ever_ in his 21 years on this planet.

 

When Kurt had come home in _tears_ from his date with the deserting Blaine, Finn had immediately gone into protective older brother mode, even putting on his knee brace so his assault on the former Warbler wouldn't be marred by his chronic pain. He had stormed over to Blaine's apartment, having the sense to take a cab, rather than walk to Greenwich Village, though only because Rachel had suggested it on his way out the door. His wonderful wife had settled down on the couch with Kurt, and she had convinced him to watch a _Project Runway_ marathon. 

 

Kurt had been _crying_. No, not crying. Kurt had been _sobbing_. And since he had come into the loft sobbing those horribly loud wails, Finn was certain that he had been crying the entire way there. 

 

Considering that his brother had been that upset about what he thought was a simple case of being stood up? Well, Finn would have killed Blaine with his bare hands if he hadn't remembered about the baby. He wouldn't do her any good in a prison cell on a murder charge.

 

He was so focused on his anger that he barely acknowledged that he had arrived back at the loft, though he was mindful enough to pay the cabbie and not storm angrily up the stairs. 

 

He managed to get the key in the lock and opened the door, surprised when he saw both wife and brother sound asleep, curled up together like cats. Despite his angry mood, he couldn't help smile. 

 

 

***

 

 

Rachel awoke to find herself stretched out on their couch, head pillowed on Finn's lap and her feet resting on Kurt's, and she blinked in surprise, eyes widening at the time on her cell phone. Somehow she had slept the entirety of the night on the _sofa_! And she had no idea when Finn had come home, but how on earth had he let them sleep until _10:45_? She was beyond appalled with herself, and she had missed the majority of her classes. Plus, the baby was pressing on her bladder, so she desperately had to pee. She gently extracted herself from the Furt sandwich, pressing a kiss on her husband's forehead before she went to the bathroom. Finn made a content snuffling sound, his nose scrunching up in the most adorable manner. 

 

She made quick use of the bathroom, deciding that she could play hooky from school for one day, hoping to catch a few more minutes of shut eye. 

 

"You left," her husband noted, voice filled with sleep, upon her return. "Where'd you go? Don' leave, mama."

 

She blushed at his latest nickname for her, obliging him by settling back in her previous spot, though she snuggled closer to him. 

 

"Your daughter was kicking my bladder," she informed him, shooting him a pout. His hands found their way into her hair. "I promise, I'm not going to leave. Why didn't you wake me last night?"

 

"You an' Kurt were knocked out, babe," he said. "I tried to move you but you wouldn't budge. So I put on my pajamas and joined you."

 

She wrapped her arms around his middle, staring up at him. "Something's wrong," she declared. "Did you have a good night?"

 

Finn sighed. "I'm fine," he promised, and she could hear the truth in his voice. "We'll talk more about it, later, okay? You smell good."

 

Rachel was about to inform her husband that it was certainly _not_ okay, but he nodded in Kurt's direction, and she silently agreed to drop the matter. Finn was stroking her hair, and it felt so nice, why would she ruin that by fighting with him? She sighed with pleasure as her husband's hands left her hair and ghosted down her body, noting the pleased look on his face in response to her sounds. He was being so affectionate, lately, and she loved it. 

 

"You can say hi to her, if you want," she murmured, pleased when he inched up the loose cotton top that she'd slept in, placing a large, callused, hand on her bare skin. The cool metal from his wedding band was a pleasant surprise, as was the fact that their baby stopped her interest in Rachel's left kidney and focused her attention on the spot just above her belly button where Finn had settled his hand. "The two of you are on the same schedule, I think."

 

"What do you mean?," he asked, his tone curious. "Really?"

 

She nodded. "Yeah, she's not usually this playful at this time," she explained. "Usually her daddy is up with the birds and therefore so is she."

 

"I want to see you before you go to class," Finn murmured, his eyes earnest. "Gotta make sure you're alright before I let you go."

 

She nuzzled his abdomen, giving him butterfly kisses. "I'm all yours, today," she informed him. " _We're_ all yours."

 

He beamed, his grin only growing wider when their bumble bee (she thought Finn's nickname for the baby was so sweet) grew more and more active, kicking and punching like there was no tomorrow. 

 

"I think she likes that, babe," he breathed. "I _know_ I like that." He pressed his palms flat against her belly. Bumble _totally_ approved. "Hi Bee," he whispered. "Whoa."

 

"I was thinking you and I could go baby shopping for Bumble Bee?," she suggested, pleased when Finn's response was to essentially start wriggling in excitement. 

 

"Can we _really_?," he asked her. "She's going to be the most loved little girl in the entire world."

 

"Yes, especially with her daddy around," she assured him. "I know you love her, Finn. So does she."

 

"Love her so much," he murmured, lips pressed against her neck, arms holding her as close to him as she could possibly get. "Can't wait to meet her."

 

 

 

***

 

 

Finn was glad to have a happier occasion to wear his knee brace, and he was even happier that he didn't need to use his crutches that day and was therefore able to walk around the baby store with Rachel arm in arm, completely overwhelmed and in awe by the enormity of the place. Okay, so, technically, he had his arms wrapped around Rachel, one around her waist, to protect Bumble Bee, and the other around her shoulders, just because he could. He was so proud of his wife and so proud of being her husband. 

 

"He didn't just stand Kurt up," he blurted out, and Rachel stared at him, brow creased in worry. 

 

"What happened, honey?," she asked, confused. "Finn?"

 

He eyed the ground, very much interested in the state of the floor. "He lied to Kurt, he's been lying to him since after your party during junior year. And that means he lied to you too. And to everyone. But especially to Kurt and you."

 

Rachel blinked, a thoughtful look gracing her features. "Are you saying he's bi? Finn, how did this come up?"

 

"There was a woman there," he admitted. "And Blaine said he wasn't cheating because the parts were different. I know that's not true."

 

She bit her lip ( _fuck_ , Finn thought it was _so sexy_ when she did that, no matter how inopportune the venue or the conversation, he was 21 after all, and coming off a deployment), tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before she responded. "You're right, that is cheating," she said. "And yet that troubles me less than Blaine's years of _deceit_. I mean, why would you _lie_ about that?"

 

He shrugged. "I think Kurt made some comment about not believing in bisexuality after you two kissed," he admitted. "But he told me that he was just hurt and upset. I mean, it was kind of a douche move, you know? Blaine _knew_ that Kurt had a thing for him, an' --" 

 

Rachel cut him off. "Wait, Blaine told me that Kurt didn't like him," she said, eyes narrowing. "But you think he knew?"

 

"Babe," he said, not liking thinking about how she had kissed or dated Blaine, even if it was only for one date. "Babe, I know he knew. _Kurt_ told me about it during one of our milk chats. And he was so upset, babe. I'm sure he didn't mean it, because he totally hoped _I_ was bi, before our parents got together."

 

She linked her fingers with his, and the simple gesture calmed him immensely. Rachel was good at that, though. She always knew how to calm him down, how to make him realize that he was going to be okay. She was such a good wife. And she was going to be such a good mom. 

 

"Can we buy her that?," Finn asked, hoping to change the subject, eyeing a giant stuffed bumble bee that was on display. Rachel followed his gaze, and he saw the smile on her face. "Please, it's perfect. A bumble bee for our Bumble Bee."

 

"Of course," she said, smiling up at him. "We can get her whatever you want."

 

"I want to get her the bee," he decided. 


	11. where you once belonged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One month previously

_One month previously_

 

The doctors had told Rachel that Finn was well enough to transition from the VA to home the next day, and to say she was a wonderful combination of nervous, relieved, scared, and grateful was putting it mildly. He had been stuck in that hospital for _over two months_. Frankly, the nausea she got every time she entered the building did not bode well with the fact that she was pregnant. She had already decided that she would sooner give birth in an alley than in any building related to the military. 

 

Much to her relief, Kurt had somehow given everyone that had been sitting vigil pertinent tasks to do (even Brittany), and, therefore, she and Finn were finally alone. It wasn't that she wasn't grateful for everyone's help -- Rachel knew full well that she'd _needed_ everyone's help -- but she missed it being just her and her husband. 

 

Still, that didn't explain why she was nervously standing in the doorframe to his hospital room, afraid to disturb him. 

 

"Rach?" She heard him call over in her general direction. "What's wrong? Is it the baby?" She belatedly realized that standing dumbstruck in Finn's line of sight with her hand on her abdomen would be likely to lead him to thinking those thoughts. 

 

She decided to simply cross the room to him, sitting beside him in the most comfortable chair. "Nothing's wrong," she promised him, squeezing the hand he'd offered her. "We're fine, you don't have to worry, she is fine."

 

"Why won't you sit with me?," he asked, as he stared at her with those big brown eyes, a pout gracing his features. "You know, you can, right? I'm not going to break if my pregnant wife lays with me. I promise." 

 

Rachel really couldn't resist, nor did she particularly want to, especially since Finn so clearly wanted to cuddle with her. She wasn't particularly thrilled with the fact that he had been practically blown up, but she had to admit she wasn't going to complain about the fact that he was being granted a full military pension, or about the fact that his career had abruptly ended. Especially since he now got to experience her pregnancy up close and personal. That made her happy. 

 

"They say I can go home," he remarked, and she nodded, allowing him to pull her close. "You want me to go home, Rach? You're okay with me?"

 

"Of course," she assured him, allowing him to rest his hand on her abdomen, though it was incredibly sensitive to touch at the moment. "You're my husband," she promised. "I want to be a family with you."

 

"An' with Kurt and Satan, right?," he mumbled, into her hair. "They're still there, right? They took care of my girls, right?" 

 

"Yes," she soothed. "Yes, they took very good care of your girls. And they'll still be there." She kissed him on the cheek. "I think she likes that," she informed him, referring to the baby. The slight motions that she'd been feeling every so often over the past couple days had started up again, with every touch Finn gave. 

 

Finn smiled like the cat eating a canary, an expression of pure bliss on his face as he traced hearts on her belly, his usual clumsiness erased whenever he was doing anything with their baby. Or, actually, with her. Their walks around the hospital had been completely devoid of her husband's two left feet, and she'd noticed the glares he'd given everyone who came within his Finn-deemed appropriate boundaries. Including his own mother! Rachel had explained that Carole was allowed to say hello to her granddaughter, but she was certain Finn begged to differ. 

 

"I can't wait," he told her. "Being with you...being with her...being _better_ ," he rambled. "Rach, babe, I am so sorry I got hurt. I am so sorry that I disappointed you, everyone. I'm so sorry I'm here."

 

"You didn't disappoint me," she promised. "Or anyone else. Finn..." She tenderly caressed his side, rubbing her fingers over his healing scars. "You're my hero. You could never disappoint me."

 

He let out a happy sigh, leaning into her touch, and she kissed him on the cheek. 

 

"Do you think I'll be okay?," he asked her softly. "I'm so _scared_ , Rach. Sometimes it's like I'm still there."

 

She looked up at him, really looked at him, and she nodded. "I think you will be, eventually," she promised him, noting his relieved sigh. "And I want you to know that you will always be okay with me."

 

"You promise?," he whispered. She nodded. 

 

"Yes, Finn, I promise."

 

He sighed in response. "Rach?" He asked softly, and she looked up at him, running her hands through his hair. It was longer now, she noted. "Can I see your belly?"

 

She felt herself flushing deeply, but she nodded encouragingly all the same. Finn was her _husband_ , their daughter's _father_ , he was entitled to see her belly and she _knew_ he wouldn't make fun of her or make her feel uncomfortable, because he was a good guy. So, Rachel lifted up her shirt -- well, _Finn's_ shirt -- taking her hair out of its ponytail so she could tie the shirt up above her bump, wanting him to get the full experience. "Do you like it?," she asked softly, noting that Finn's expression was one of awe. 

 

 

 

***

 

 

Finn nodded, carefully sitting up, his hand reaching out to caress her belly, which had gotten really big -- not that Finn would say that out loud, he knew better -- since the last time they'd video chatted. He'd missed seeing her belly -- that was their baby, their _daughter_ , his little girl -- but he had to admit that he couldn't blame Rachel for not displaying her stomach when they were in mixed company. He didn't know if he wanted anyone to see it, really, he liked it being something between the two of them. Plus, she was blushing, which he thought was super hot.

 

"You're pregnant," he responded, about to curse himself for the stupidity of the response, when she giggled at him and kissed him on the lips. "Wow, _babe_. You're _pregnant_."

 

"I know," she said, in a dreamy tone, a ear splitting grin on her face. "I'm sorry I didn't show you sooner."

 

"'s alright," he promised, eying her abdomen reverently. "'m glad you waited until we were alone," he added, choking back the lump in his throat. "When I'm home, can I see it more?"

 

"Of course," she assured him. " _All_ the time, Finn."

 

"'s cool, then," he chirped, focusing his attention on her bump, feeling the best he'd felt in awhile. "Hi, _baby_ ," he breathed. "'m your _daddy_ , _hi_. I'm home now, I'm _never_ gonna leave you or Mama again." He grinned up at Rachel. "Promise, babe."

 

"I know," she told him, blinking rapidly. "I know."

 

"No, don't be sad," he breathed. "Rachel, don't cry."

 

"I can't help it," she murmured. "I'm hormonal."

 

He reached up and wiped her tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "You're exhausted," he stated. "You should nap with me."

 

Rachel had opened her mouth to protest, but let out a giant yawn instead. She snuggled up against him, her belly flush against his side, and he looped his arms around her, hoping she felt secure. 

 

"I've missed this," Rachel whispered, snuggling closer. He grinned. "'m tired." 

 

He pressed a kiss to her temple. "It's okay, go to sleep," he encouraged. "I'll still be here." He felt her snuggle closer to him. 

 

"Will you sing us a lullaby?," she asked, yawning widely. "I think she'd like it."

 

Finn nodded. "Yeah, of course." 

 

Rachel fell asleep midway through the first verse of _Baby Mine_ , which he remembered his mother singing to him when he was a toddler, her legs wrapped around his good one as she snored, her face buried into his armpit. He was glad he had showered, he hadn't realized she would be doing that. He reached out to touch her bump, petting it gently. There was nothing he wanted more than to finally meet their baby. 

 

"Love you," he murmured, referring to both Rachel and their little one. "Can't wait to meet you."


	12. zero to sixty, in three point five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lord Tubbington enacts revenge; Brittany does what Blaine refuses to do.

 

Kurt didn't have the energy or desire to process or deal with the giant stuffed bumblebee that Finn had carried into the loft, simply staring at it wearily. His brother had a pleased expression on his face, and he wasn't going to fight the assault to his decor right then. No, Kurt was electing to brood instead. He was still dealing with his wounded pride from yesterday's incidents, and he had found a most wearisome note that Brittany had left. 

 

Apparently _Scooby Q_ had called. He suspected that this meant Quinn Fabray, but he didn't have the energy to deal with _that,_ either. 

 

"Have you left the loft at all?" Finn asked him, eyeing him suspiciously. "Dude. Why are you wearing my Snuggie?"

 

Kurt resisted the temptation to scream. So _that_ was the item that he had clad himself in? He shuddered at the thought of what polyester would do to his skin. "I overslept and missed classes," he told his brother. "What is wrong with this?"

 

"You hate my Snuggie," he pointed out. "You think it's déclassé."

 

"It _is_ déclassé," Kurt said sullenly, crossing his arms. "But I wanted to wear it anyways."

 

His brother eyed him again, planting a kiss on Rachel's lips and a kiss on her belly (potentially causing ruin to a lovely shirt, but since he didn't see any noticeable food stains on Finn's mouth, he was depressed enough to let this slide), before crossing the room to Kurt and sitting beside him, stretching his legs out. Kurt merely gazed at him, not saying a word. 

 

Finn was _bouncing_ , he noticed. His older brother had clearly had a good day. He was pleased, someone deserved to. "Where did you go last night?" He asked, tiredly.

 

"We don't have to talk about it," Finn told him, shooting him a serious look. "Just...know I have your back, alright? I'm your big brother."

 

Kurt sighed, allowing said older brother pull him into a hug, which he desperately needed. Finn smelled comforting, like being back home in Lima, where everything had been so simple. He breathed in his brother's scent, allowing the combination of purchased cologne and Old Spice to comfort him. The fact that Finn was able to be there to make him feel better was in itself a comfort. 

 

"I know," he told him. "I'm glad you're home, Finn." 

 

"Me too," Finn breathed, and Kurt could hear the relief in his tone. He squeezed Finn's hand in support. "I'm really glad, Kurt."

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Blaine paused in the hallway in front of the entrance to the loft, hearing Finn's rambling voice prattle on about something, and he stood stock still, unabashedly listening. He was still angry with him for the previous evening. How _dare_ Finn cast judgment upon him? Just because he had to seek out an alternative lover to satisfy his needs? The physical violence had been uncalled for. 

 

So maybe he was eavesdropping. So what? Kurt was his boyfriend, and Finn was just his _stepbrother._

 

"...based on a dream I had when I was in high school," he heard Finn say, and he bristled, wondering if the taller man was badmouthing him. "...you know, I did what I had to do, Kurt, I just can't..." The conversation continued, and he pressed his entire body to the door, trying to make out the entire dialogue. 

 

"...just don't understand _why_ he has such a problem with you," Kurt exclaimed, and Blaine bristled. He was losing to _Finn._ Again. "You're my brother, I told him that you came first...bothered to visit you in the hospital --" 

 

He heard Finn cough -- a rather loud, fake cough -- and he reflexively cringed. "But he did come," he heard his future brother-in-law say, tone confused. "He said that he couldn't believe I had screwed things up again...that everyone was just waiting for me to flame out...was just a matter of time."

 

Of course Blaine had said that. He had also told Finn not to tell anyone. He seethed at the fact that the taller man had broken his promise, while ignoring the voice inside his head that claimed he was doing a lot worse than breaking promises. 

 

A hand clapped on his back, and he let out a loud -- rather feminine -- shriek. The owner of the hand spun him around, and he felt himself pale when he realized the hand was attached to Santana Lopez. He wondered if he might even faint, when he took in the malicious glint in her eyes, as well as the malevolent expression gracing her countenance. 

 

"Spy much, Short and Curly?," she asked, her tone unemotional. "I doubt that Finnocence will cherish the fact that you were listening in on him and Lady Fab's _chats of femininity_." Blaine blanched. He had to admit to being scared of the Latina. Especially when she _stared_ at him, like he had done something wrong. And he _hadn't_. She was still eying him like he was her next meal. It was disconcerting. 

 

"I didn't want to interrupt --," he lied, but she cut him off, arms crossed, a look of active dislike gracing her features. 

 

"How about you cut the shit, Head Loserist," she snapped. "I'm not naive, and I have eyes. You are wearing cover up," she said, gesturing to the bite marks that he had liberally applied makeup over to attempt to hide. "You have a lovely black eye that won't heal for weeks, and you look like you got mauled by a tiger. You've done something to anger someone, but who?"

 

Blaine opened his mouth in an attempt to respond, but another voice chimed in, though rather more alert than usual. "My teddy bear," she supplied, a major pout emerging. "He's so sad and hurting, Sanny,  and Blaine made him _angry_. Lord Tubbington doesn't like Blaine, even though he's a dolphin," she added, as the monstrous feline in her arms let out a hiss, claws swiping in Blaine's direction. "But I don't think the marks on his neck are from Finny Bear," she informed them, and he flinched as she reached out and wiped at the makeup. "Actually, they look a lot like our sweet lady kisses."

 

Santana peered at the mark that Brittany had unearthed, eyeing him with suspicion. "You're right, Britts," she declared, smiling at the blonde before giving himself an evil eye. "It's interesting that Boy Wonder has sweet lady kisses marks when he's dating Liberace."

 

Brittany tapped Santana on the arm. "I said not to call Kurtsie that," she whined. Blaine snickered. _Kurtsie_. What a ridiculous nickname. "Are you laughing at me?"

 

"You called him Kurtsie," Blaine pointed out, regretting doing so almost immediately when Santana let out a roar, lifting him up by the neck of his newest polo. Apparently abuse to Blaine's innocent clothes and his innocent corpus was the latest New Directions trend. He did _not_ approve of this. "Put me down!," he insisted, as Santana bared her teeth, looking vaguely shark-esque. "Santana, unhand me!"

 

And, miraculously, Santana did. Less miraculously, she'd elected to do so by slamming him against the door to the loft, while Lord Tubbington had used the fact that Brittany was upset at his laughter to escape from her grip, and was currently making painful contact with his exposed arms and face. He'd made an enormous crash as he'd connected with the property, and he heard the conversation inside the loft screech to a halt. He could hear footsteps -- heavy, thudding, footsteps -- approach the door, and he winced as it swung open, relief at it opening inwardly immediately being tempered by the fact that the door had been opened by Finn. He wondered if closing his eyes and pretending he didn't exist worked?

 

"Rachel is sleeping," he heard his nemesis say, or rather, whine. "What the hell are you doing? What was all the noise for?"

 

Lord Tubbington gouged his very sharp claws into a very sensitive area of Blaine's, and he let out a loud scream. He sensed Finn's gaze upon him, but he didn't much care. The claws were firmly imbedded in his groin, and Finn was less painful to deal with. 

 

 

***

 

 

Brittany took stock of the current situation, and realized, though somewhat reluctantly, that she was the best one to take control and explain. Santana was stalking the length of the hallway, muttering under her breath in Spanish, Blaine kept moaning and was clearly cheating on Kurt, Finn's face was becoming an alarming shade of red, and Lord Tubbington was inflicting his particular brand of violence on a delicate part of Blaine's anatomy. 

 

So, purposely stepping on Blaine in the process, she threw herself at Finn, not even having to fake her tears. Blaine had been _so mean_ to her. And apparently to Kurtsie, Brittany's very favorite ex-boyfriend. _And_ he had been loud while Rachie and Brittany's most favorite baby had been sleeping. 

 

"Is Rachie okay?," she asked softly, as the surprised Finn gave her a friendly hug. "And baby bumble bee?" She _swore_ she heard Blaine snort. Judging by the look on Finn's face, he'd heard it too.

 

"Don't worry, Britt," Finn replied, in a kind tone. "She's just tired, the baby's growing," he explained. " _Blaine_ here was a little loud, that's all."

 

"Santana threw him against the wall," Brittany divulged, as if it was privileged information. "He was laughing at me. And he has lady kisses marks all over him. He was listening on your conversation that you and my dolphin were having."

 

Finn's face turned that worrisome color again, and he glared down at Blaine, who had the sense to gulp in fear. Lord Tubbington met Finn's gaze, and let out a rumbling purr, abandoning his attack on Blaine's gonads to rub himself against Finn's legs, sauntering into the loft like he owned the place. 

 

"Get up," Finn said flatly, stepping aside so Brittany could follow the cat into the apartment. "I mean it, Anderson. You had no right."

 

Lord Tubbington had set his sights on the confused Kurt, and she decided to follow him, pulling her dolphin into a tight hug. "I love you, Kurtsie," she whispered, noting his confused look. "I would have never had sweet lady kisses when we dated."

 

Kurt (who had taken a sip of milk) choked, coughing loudly, and she firmly whacked him on the back. Baby Bumble Bee needed her favorite uncle around, as did her Finny Bear. 

 

" _What_?" Kurt gasped, as Santana hauled Blaine up by the shirt collar and dragged him unceremoniously into the loft. "Brittany, what are you talking about?"

 

"It's true," she promised. "You were my favorite boyfriend. No lady kisses at all."

 

"No, sweetie," he said, holding her hands as he did. Brittany loved holding Kurtsie's hands. They were so super soft. "Why do you bring this up now?"

 

"Because Blaine did," she said honestly, looking Kurt into his eyes. "That's why there was all that yelling. And that's why Lord Tubbington ruined his ability to have children." She gave him a tight hug, not wanting to let go. "But you shouldn't yell because it made Finn turn red, he says Bumble Bee is growing." Brittany couldn't help squealing excitedly at that bit of news. 


	13. time to break up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't tell Sam," he murmured, settling back against the cushions. "Don't tell Sam, but you're totally her favorite uncle."

"Blaine cheated on me?" Kurt squeaked in response, not letting go of Brittany's hands, noting the hesitant nod from the blonde and the pained look in his brother's eyes, as Finn lumbered across the room to the two of them, allowing Santana to force Blaine into a chair. "Blaine cheated on me." It wasn't a question that time, but rather Kurt was making sense of his latest fact. "With a woman?"

 

"They looked like sweet lady kisses marks to me," Brittany replied, her voice soft and gentle, whether that was in response to Finn's previous decree or his rapid decent into distress, Kurt wasn't entirely certain. He briefly took note of Lord Tubbington slinking on to his lap, his purrs almost proud. 

 

"Blaine says that it's not cheating because the parts are different," Finn chimed in, the confused look on his face nearly comical. "I told him that I thought that was wrong and if he didn't tell you himself I was going to." He sighed. "I caught him last night."

 

" _What_?" Kurt demanded, eying the prone Blaine in disgust, as he sprawled on the table. "When did this happen?" He demanded.

 

Finn had the sense to look sheepish as he replied. "You were crying and you're my brother," he told him. "You shouldn't cry like that, it's not right. I wanted to find out why Blaine had stood you up..." He listened intently as Finn told him, Brittany, and a seemingly-listening Lord Tubbington, what had conspired the previous evening. It was a tale that did positively _nothing_ for Kurt's blood pressure. How _dare_ Blaine cheat on him and try to convince Finn it was _nothing_? He knew they were having problems, but he hadn't realized that Blaine had been using an _affair_ as a solution. And to make those comments to his _brother_ \-- well, suffice to say that the limited sympathy Kurt had had for Blaine's injuries was rather rapidly dwindling. 

 

Untangling himself from the tall blonde, depositing the cat in her lap, he stood, discarding Finn's truly _hideous_ Snuggie on the floor, revealing a more fashionable ensemble, and he stalked across  the loft to the kitchen, where Blaine was moaning, watched by a unsympathetic Santana. 

 

"I am very disappointed in you," Kurt informed his soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, a look of disapproval that Burt Hummel would have been proud of gracing his features. "I find out that you have been cheating on me, and attempting to manipulate my own brother into believing that you are not doing so, because the person is a _woman_? That is disrespectful towards everyone involved, not the least the person you are stringing along on the side."

 

He shook his head, pacing as he did. "Furthermore, _why_ did you cheat on me? I don't want to hear some comment about being bisexual," he continued, sensing an inanity about to escape Blaine's mouth. "Brittany is bisexual, _she_ doesn't sleep with men."

 

Santana smirked, nodding in agreement. She was perched on his counter, observing the two. 

 

"I can't do this anymore," Blaine spat out. "I can't...you will always pick him over me," he said. "I can't deal with having to deal with him, when he should have gone home to your parents' house. All you and Rachel care about is _him_."

 

"Get out," Kurt snapped, lips pursed together and his hands on his hips. "Your jealousy is so unattractive, Blaine, as is your continued belittling of my _brother_. I am sorry that Finn's injury and his recovery and the attention that people have paid to him has _inconvenienced_ you. In fact, I am so attentive to Finn that I have happened to notice that the less time he spends with _you_ the better he gets. I feel there _may_ be a correlation to the two."

 

"You're dumping me?" Blaine asked, staring owlishly at him.

 

"Yes," he declared. "Now, get out."

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

The door to the loft slammed as Blaine left, and Finn cringed as he heard sounds coming from his and Rachel's bedroom soon after. He had _told_ Blaine to be quiet, and now of course Rachel was awake. He didn't _want_ Rachel to be awake, he wanted her to rest so that their baby could grow big and strong and so she wouldn't be dead on her feet the entire day. Rachel did so much for him, and she never complained about it, why couldn't he have done the same to her? He was such a failure.

 

"Go back to bed," Finn told her softly, as she entered the living room, clad in one of his old t-shirts, rubbing her eyes. "'s alright, babe. You can go to sleep."

 

Rachel blinked, staring open mouthed at the scene in front of them, eyes widening in confusion. "What happened? I heard shouting."

 

 _Dammit_ , Finn groused inwardly, crossing the room to where she stood, scooping her up and carrying her over to the couch. At least she could relax there, if she wasn't going to listen to him and go back to bed. He was going to strangle Blaine. 

 

"Kurt found out," he said flatly, toeing the Snuggie with his shoe as he did. "I _told_ Blaine to be quiet," he muttered, allowing Rachel to tug him down beside her. "'m sorry you woke up, I _tried_."

 

"You didn't wake me up," Rachel whispered softly, and he looked over at her, noticing how her palm was splayed against her abdomen. "Yes, it was excessively loud out here," his wife conceded, leaning against him, her hair brushing against his arm, "but your child wasn't having any of having her mommy sleeping," she informed him, brown eyes meeting brown. "I heard what you said about not waking me, and..." She trailed off, and Finn blinked at her, about to speak when she pressed a kiss to his lips. "...I love you, Finn." She kissed him again. "We love you."

 

He didn't think hearing those words would _ever_ get old, not when he heard them from Rachel. He held her close, fingertips touching hers as they felt their baby, a besotted look on his face. 

 

He got the sense that they were being observed, and he stiffened slightly, scanning the room until he identified the culprit, which was Brittany's cat. "I think Lord Tubbington wants to say hi to the baby," he murmured. "Brittany told me about their play dates, 's cool if he does." 

 

Rachel got that funny look on her face -- the one she wore whenever she thought he was being cute -- and he blushed lightly, planting another kiss on her lips. 

 

"You're nauseating," a voice informed them, the person it belonged to shaking his head. "Were we ever like that?"

 

Finn was momentarily confused -- nauseating was a _bad_ thing, wasn't it -- but Kurt had a wistful smile on his face, and his girl was blushing, so he wondered if it wasn't that bad. He didn't know how to respond to the question, though. He didn't want to hurt Kurt's feelings. 

 

"I don't remember, dude," he said, figuring that choosing honesty over lies would be the better course of action. "Maybe back in high school?" He offered. Personally, Finn had always thought there was something a bit off about Kurt and Blaine's relationship, but he'd never said so out loud. What good would it have done? It certainly couldn't do any good now. "I thought you were out in the kitchen," he added. He was sure that Kurt was going to stress bake eventually, and Finn was a growing boy.

 

The countertenor wrinkled his nose, delicately lowering himself to sit beside them on the couch. "Santana and Brittany are defiling the counter," he sighed. "At least the two of you had the sense to only ruin the chair." Kurt shot them a catlike smile. "The chair that Blaine was using, as a matter of fact." He shook his head. "How're my favorite divas?" He asked, deftly changing the subject to something they all considered more palatable: Rachel and the baby. His wife preened from her position in his arms. 

 

"She's kicking," she informed Kurt, motioning him closer. "I want you to feel."

 

"Are you sure?" His brother's tone was hesitant, and he made no attempt to get closer. Rachel pouted. Finn knew what he had to do. 

 

"Bro," he whined, eying him pathetically. "You're her uncle, don't you wanna say hey?"

 

Kurt placed a cautious hand where Rachel's was, and Finn beamed as his brother's eyes lit up, knowing that meant the baby was kicking. Finn thought it was so cool when the baby kicked, and he had felt her loads of times since he'd being released, he could hardly imagine what it was like being Kurt and feeling her kick for most likely the first time. 

 

"She's active," Kurt commented, after a few moments of awed silence. "She's...is she like that all the time?"

 

Rachel giggled, sitting up slightly, the hem of his t-shirt riding up to reveal a pair of his boxers. "It's for Finn," she explained. "She...she knows who he is and she gets really active whenever she hears him."

 

Finn grinned widely at that, pleased that he inspired that type of response from their baby. Hell, _any_ reaction would be totally kick ass.

 

Being able to experience Rachel's pregnancy was worth getting hurt, no matter how much he hated his bad knee and his flashbacks. He couldn't wait to meet their little girl. The little girl that didn't ever judge how he sang, who kicked whenever his hands were remotely close to Rachel's belly, their little girl who Finn was content to lay with for _hours_ , telling her stories about her aunties and uncles and reading her the paper -- but only the happy parts -- and whisper sweet nothings to, Rachel's hands in his hair and his head on her belly, nestled against their precious miracle. Because that was what she _was_. She was totally a miracle, at least in his eyes. And that made her a miracle to the entire world. 

 

Kurt's eyes had lit up when his Bumble Bee kept kicking for him, and that made Finn happy. Kurt had been so _sad_ lately, and, while Finn really wanted to go all Incredible Hulk and beat the crap out of Blaine, he was pleased with the fact that bonding with his niece had cheered Kurt up. 

 

"Don't tell Sam," he murmured, settling back against the cushions. "Don't tell Sam, but you're totally her favorite uncle."


	14. down, and troubled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Santana does have a heart.

"You're just saying that," Kurt protested weakly, not moving his hand as the baby continued to kick. "She's got like a zillion uncles."

 

Finn stared at him, a guarded look coming over his face, and he regretted the comment. "She knows you're my brother," he informed him, rather flatly. "Therefore, you're her favorite." He watched as Finn slid his hand down Rachel's side, settling it over his. "You come first," he added. "You know that?"

 

He held back a sigh. "I know," he told him, thinking back to the days when essentially holding hands with Finn would have been enough material for a week of erotic dreams, when it was now simply an act of comfort. "You're a good dad," he added, noting the pleased look that graced Finn's features. Kurt felt confident in saying the statement, since he was certain Finn _was_ a good father. It didn't matter that the baby wasn't born yet. Kurt knew that some people thought that you became a father when the baby was born, but he knew better. Especially with how much Finn loved his impending niece. And how caring he was of her mother. 

 

Her _sleeping_ mother, Kurt amended, though he was surprised that Rachel could sleep through the movement. 

 

"She's tired," Finn explained. "Bumble Bee kicks like this a lot."

 

"Am I bothering the two of you?" He had to ask. Finn shook his head. 

 

"Nah, bro," he said, smiling at him, a look of pure pride on his face. "I'm...it's alright. We'll be alright." Finn sighed, gaze dropping down to Rachel, who'd shifted in his arms so he could hold her tightly. Finn made a clucking sound as he cradled her close. 

 

"Of course you will be," Kurt soothed. "Tell me, how did your shopping trip go?"

 

Shopping -- the perfect thing to distract him from the events of the day. If he couldn't be the one shopping himself, he had the right to live through others. 

 

Even if the other in question was his shopping novice of a brother. Finn _had_ known what a cape was the day before, and Kurt continued to be proud.

 

"It was good," Finn supplied, hands smoothing down Rachel's shirt. "We...we got her _lotsa_ stuff," he informed him. "Did you know that babies _grow_? So Rach said we had to get her things that would _grow with her_."

 

The taller man looked at him sagely, and for Finn's benefit, Kurt neglected to inform him that he did in fact know that. Sometimes, benevolence was in order.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

"I don't understand," Santana heard Brittany say, and she pulled her closer to her, letting her cuddle close on the bed. 

 

"What don't you understand, babe?" She queried, kissing the top of her head. Brittany let out a heavy sigh.

 

"Why did he do it?" Her tone was broken and with that Santana found a piece of her heart breaking -- she did have a heart, thank you very much -- and she matched her girlfriend's sigh. Brittany was more perspective than most people thought, and it hurt Santana when she was upset. "Blaine," she clarified, when Santana didn't respond. 

 

"He's a dick," she told her, planting a kiss on her forehead. "He's a dick and Lady Hummel deserves better."

 

Brittany nodded in agreement, her blue eyes squinting in thought. "He should apologize to Kurt and to Finn," she declared, locking eyes with Santana. "He's being so rude to them...I don't like it. Kurt was his _boyfriend_ and Finn is still totally super sad sometimes."

 

"He wouldn't mean it," she whispered, eyes meeting the bedspread. "He would lie."

 

"I know," she whined, the pout reappearing. "It's stupid. I wish there was something we could do to help."

 

An idea entered Santana's mind, and she knew it was one that Brittany would approve of. "We can distract them," she told her, linking pinkies with her. 

 

Her girlfriend squealed. "Distract them how? With our lady kisses?" The idea was tempting, but Santana shook her head. 

 

"I think it will have to do with the Frankenteen's spawn," she informed her, smirking at the name. Brittany shot her a pointed look.

 

"That's not nice, Sanny," she told her. "That's Lord Tubbington's best friend."

 

The fat cat had taken a shine to Shorter Hudson's bump, Santana had to admit. Perhaps it _was_ because of the baby. At the very least, Finn's Bumble Bee -- what a ridiculous nickname, she thought -- had distracted the cat from watching their lady loving. 

 

"Sorry, Britts," she said, sincere. "Are you game?"

 

Brittany giggled, flashing her a grin. " _Totally_ ," she breathed. 


	15. bleed american

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt has it out with Blaine

The taste of blood was metallic in Blaine's mouth, and he couldn't rid himself of the sensation. He didn’t understand what the big deal was, anyways. So, he had cheated on Kurt. It was typical of Finn and Santana to overreact. And so, he had laughed at Brittany. It wasn’t his fault she said ridiculous things. And where did Kurt think he was getting off breaking up with him? This whole mess was _his_ fault. If he hadn’t insisted on that _ridiculous_ belief that Finn had to be _coddled_ after he’d returned home –

 

“What are you still doing here?” The aforementioned countertenor demanded, suddenly in Blaine’s field of sight. “I thought I made my feelings clear.”  
  
Blaine rolled his eyes. “Honestly, Kurt, I want an apology,” he informed him. “What your brother did to me last night was out of line—“

 

Kurt shook his head, fixing him with a glare. Blaine shuddered inwardly.

 

“Finn _will not_ be apologizing to you,” he informed him, eyes glinting with rage. “I made it perfectly clear how things were going to go when he came home, and you attempted to trample over my brother’s mental health rather than accommodate him! When I heard about Finn, it was the scariest moment of my life,” he ranted. “And where were you?”  


Blaine stood, annoyed by Kurt’s implications. “I had _class_ ,” he told him. “Surely you didn’t expect me to blow it off! He knew that getting blown up was a hazard of his job!”

 

“You could have missed one class, Blaine,” he sighed, running his hands through his hair. “If not for my sake then you could have for Rachel…your supposed best friend whose _husband_ nearly died. How do you think you made her feel?”

 

“She would have gotten over it,” he muttered. “He would have been a wonderful addition to her memoirs.”  


Okay, even Blaine could admit that that comment had been tactless, at best. Which would explain the rather impressive shade of red that Kurt had turned. He inwardly cringed.

 

“How _dare you_?” Kurt demanded, eyes fiery. “Finn isn’t some character in a play or competition for a solo or character in Rachel’s favorite movie! She needed your support and you were never there for her! She was _pregnant_ and she thought her husband was _dying_! And I am tired of you knocking Finn for choosing to go to the Army instead of NYADA! He wanted to provide for his wife and for their future family! Furthermore, do you have any idea how offensive you are sounding?”

 

Blaine knew.

 

“And you wonder why I slept with someone else,” he muttered.

 

“What was that?” Kurt asked him, in a fake-sweet tone. “What did you just say?”

 

“You heard me.”

 

“Are you seriously blaming my brother for your decision to cheat?”

 

Blaine nodded, choking back a lump in his throat when he saw how angry that comment had made the other man.

 

“You disgust me,” his former boyfriend said, in a rather sad tone. “And to think I thought you were different.”


	16. where'd you go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn panics, Kurt embarks on a journey of stress baking.

Kurt was still seething when he returned to the loft, hoping that he had scared Blaine away entirely. He couldn’t believe the nerve of his ex-boyfriend. Blaming his affair on Finn! It was true that during their high school careers, Finn _had_ been involved in cheating, on both sides of the equation, but he had never thought that Blaine would decide to use him as the world’s most ridiculous excuse!

 

And Kurt was Finn Hudson’s brother, he knew all about ridiculous excuses.

 

“Where’d you go?” Said brother questioned, his voice permeating both Kurt’s inner rant and the silence of the loft. “I woke up and you weren’t here, there was no note, no –“  
  
“I should have left a note,” Kurt agreed, not wanting a Finn-related headache to join his Blaine-related headache. “I had to deal with a small little problem.” He smiled weakly at him. “You know I don’t blame you, right?”  
  
“For what?” Finn asked, and Kurt resisted the temptation to allow his head to meet the nearest flat surface. Sometimes Finn didn’t get things. Though in this case…well, Kurt didn’t exactly blame him. He watched as Finn scratched his face, yawning widely. “What’d I do?”  


“Nothing,” he assured him, crossing the room and enveloping his brother into a hug. “You’re fine.”  
  
“No ‘m not,” he heard him object. “Not really.”  


“You will be someday,” he promised him. “I know you, Finn.”

 

“Thanks, bro,” Finn replied, releasing himself from the hug and shooting Kurt a goofy grin. “I love you, you know that, right?”  


He nodded. “I know,” he whispered. “I love you too.”  
  
“You gonna be okay?” Finn asked him. “I mean, with Blaine an’ all.”  
  
He shrugged. “I will be, eventually.”

 

Kurt needed something to distract himself from the perils of life in the loft – and honestly, just because he was gay, did not mean he wanted his life to emulate a soap opera – and he peered cautiously into his kitchen, relieved when he spotted it empty.

 

He could clean.

 

Unfortunately, Finn followed him into said kitchen, slowly perching on the counter top. Kurt eyed it – and by extension him – in disgust.

 

“Santana and Brittany were defiling that very spot earlier,” he told Finn, motioning for him to stand. “It has to be cleaned before I can allow _you_ to sit there.”

 

“Will you make cookies after?” Finn asked, and Kurt let out a sigh. His brother, the human trash compactor. He nodded.

 

“Yes,” he told him. “I will.”

 

“Chocolate chip?” Finn begged, though Kurt let the uncouthness of begging slide because he eased off the counter in the process.

 

“Yes,” he sighed. “And yes, you can sample my wares.”


	17. angel's dirty face is soft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn knew a dismissal when he saw one.

Finn knew a dismissal when he saw one, and he decided to retreat back to his bedroom, where he had carried Rachel to once she’d fallen asleep on the couch. He stood in the doorway, content for the moment to simply watch her sleep, her belly rising and falling with every breath she took. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have her.

 

The pregnancy had been a surprise – Finn and Rachel had wanted children together, but they had anticipated that said children would arrive once they had settled down in their respective careers – but he considered it a welcomed one, especially since he was now home to enjoy it. Even when he’d still been deployed, he’d been excited, Skyping with Rachel every chance he’d gotten and writing her little notes every single day.

 

“Finn?” He heard her whisper, and he lumbered across the room to where she laid, perching carefully on the edge of the bed.

 

“Hey,” he breathed, leaning over and kissing her on the lips. “You sleep well, Mama?”  
  
She nodded. “Yeah, I always sleep well when I’m with you,” she told him, eyes still tired. “How’s Kurt?”   
  
Finn sighed, running his hands through his hair. “He’ll be alright,” he told her, after a moment. “Eventually.”

 

She made a sympathetic noise. “They were together a long time,” she commented, letting out a breath.  
  
Finn nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I know,” he told her. “Were they ever happy together?”  
  
Rachel eyed him, her expression a thoughtful one. “I think they were at one point,” she hedged, rolling closer to him. “I mean, they almost had to be, Blaine transferred schools to be with him. And…”

 

“But were they happy when I was gone?” He asked.

 

She shrugged. And as Rachel was a romantic, Finn realized this wasn’t the world’s most ringing endorsement for a relationship.

 

“Not – not for a while, honey. For a long time. This isn’t just a recent thing, it really has nothing to do with you.”  
  
Finn felt a bit better. Not much, but a bit.

 

“Yeah?” He asked.

 

She nodded. “Yeah, honey,” she soothed, leaning up to press lips to his. “You know that I wouldn’t lie to you.”

 

Finn nodded against her kiss. “I know,” he whispered. “Still sucks.”  
  
“I know,” she agreed. “It does.”


	18. i know that things

"If it's not my fault," Finn whispered, eyeing Rachel nervously, "then why do I feel so shitty?" He wiped his hands on his jeans, awaiting her response. Finn thought Rachel was the smartest person he knew. 

 

She reached over and patted his hand. "Because you're human. Your brother is hurting, and you're human, Finn. Anyone would feel bad."

 

"Anyone except Blaine," Finn muttered darkly. "He's such a jerk."

 

She wrapped her arms around him, nuzzling her face into his neck, and he breathed a sigh of relief. There was something about being in Rachel's arms that just comforted him. It centered him, made him feel like he wasn't broken. He couldn't believe she was his.

 

"You can't control the actions of others," she soothed, hands running down his back. "You can only control yourself...and for what it's worth, I think you are doing a great job."

 

"And it's _not_ my fault?" He queried. "Even though I confronted him?"

 

She sighed. "Did you tell Blaine to take up a lover?" She demanded, eying him. He shook his head. "Then, no, it's not," she told him. "It never was and it never will be. In a way it's good that Kurt knows. That way he can move on."

 

Finn supposed that Rachel made sense. It wasn't the stupidest thing he'd heard, at the very least. And she had held him tightly. He pressed a kiss to her temple. Damn, he loved her.

 

"It _did_ suck when I realized Beth wasn't mine," he admitted softly. It _still_ smarted, somewhat, when he really thought about it. "And even that...that seems less serious than this." 

 

Yeah, Finn totally would have loved and cared for and adored baby Drizzle, he really would have, but he had to admit that realistically, he had not been ready to be a dad at 16. Hell, he was _barely_ ready now, and he was a _real, legitimate, adult_. And he didn't actually _love_ Quinn. Hell, at least she had admitted to it once he'd been told! He somehow doubted that Blaine would have done so had Brittany not forced his hand by doing the admitting for him. Blaine had not only cheated on Kurt, but he had lied about something important for the _entirety_ of their relationship. And Finn knew that was not cool. 

 

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked, her hair brushing against his cheek. She'd pressed her upper body against his back, laying her head on his shoulder. Her hair, which was loose that day, wafted over his shoulder, tickling his bare skin. "Honey?"

 

 

"With Beth, it was just one lie," he tried to explain, tried to make the words come out right. "Yeah, Beth was a huge ass lie, but it wasn't like Quinn carried on the lie throughout Beth's entire life," he rambled. "I mean, maybe she was gonna, but she eventually admitted the truth." He sighed. "Blaine told Kurt that he was capital G Gay for the entire time they were together. So that meant every single day of their relationship was touched by a lie."

 

"A lie that Blaine saw nothing wrong with," he added, jabbing an invisible Blaine with his thumb.

 

Rachel hummed in agreement, arms tightening around his chest. "I suppose one could even say that as a scared 16 year old, Quinn thought you were the best candidate to be the baby's dad," she decided, nuzzling his neck. "Which, though ideally it would have been a mutually decided agreement between the three of you...and I don't agree with her methods of illusion...isn't the least flattering thing in the world. I mean  _I_ am glad that you are my baby's father. And I would be equally as glad if we were not married."  
  


"But what purpose did  _Blaine's_ lie have?" Finn asked, confused. "Does it have any?" 

 

She shook her head. "Not any that would be anything but solely beneficial towards him."


	19. kiss away the pain

Rachel held Finn for several minutes longer, enjoying his strong muscles pressing against her small form, and she was especially enjoying his special smell, providing him with the comfort that only she could give him. She really cherished moments like this, even though the causations of moments like those annoyed her. There was nothing she liked more than holding her husband, second only to the fact that she was able to hold him.

 

She would have stayed like that forever -- or at least until she'd have to go to the bathroom -- but her heightened sense of smell detected the presence of baking in the loft.

 

"Finn?" She whispered, murmuring into his neck. "What is Kurt making?"

 

Her husband immediately perked up, a goofy grin coming to his face. "Chocolate chip cookies," he informed her, tone filled with glee. "He said I could help. I hope he lets me be his official tester, I don't want to actually bake them."

 

Rachel somehow doubted that Kurt would let Finn do anything besides his prized official tester task, but she patted his head anyways, a pleased look on her face. "Go," she told him.

 

"Come with me?" He asked, and she melted when he gave her that look. "We can both taste test. The cookies have to meet Bee's seal of approval."

 

She giggled, allowing him to gently scoop her up, giggling louder -- she even let out a squeal -- when he nuzzled at her belly, the feeling of his stubble and the feeling of the baby's motions combining to make her rather ticklish.

 

"Of course," she agreed. "Bee likes everything her daddy likes."

 

This was true, much to the detriment of Rachel's vegetarian -- let alone her vegan -- ideals. Practically from the moment the test had turned positive, she had been craving meat. It had been traumatizing. But, at the time, she had -- once Kurt had calmed her down -- viewed it as an overseas connection between father and child, one that Finn had been all too pleased had developed when he returned home.

 

"Daddy likes everything Bee likes," Finn said in a rumbling tone, clearly directed to her belly. "'specially Mama, Daddy and Bee love Mama, we love her lots." He grinned at her; the baby kicked.

 

"You're a very eager girl, aren't you?" Rachel questioned her belly, feeling how active the baby had gotten when Finn had spoken to her. "Mama loves her Bee and Daddy."

 

Finn grinned at that, face flushed. "Course she's eager, babe," he said. "What else would she be, she's Rachel Hudson's daughter? And Rachel Hudson is the most eager person I know."

 

She felt her face redden, the color matching his. "Will you be okay tomorrow?" She asked him quietly. "I have class, and..."

 

He nodded. "And I'll be escorting you there and escorting you back," Finn informed her, gaze serious. "I'll be fine, Rach...I have a group I can go to. I thought I might check out some schools, if I felt up to it." He cleared his throat. "Maybe do some online courses so I can stay at home with Bee an' Mama an' Daddy can make something of themselves?"

 

"You'd do that?" She asked, pleased with that development.

 

"Yeah," he said, depositing her on the floor with great care and pressing a kiss on her forehead. "I'm not ready to do classes on campus with all the people, but I think I could take a couple online."

 

She squealed, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm so proud of you," she told him, pressing a wet kiss to his lips, allowing him to deepen it. "So proud."

 

"Yeah?" Finn asked, before kissing her again.

 

She nodded. "Yes. I'm exceedingly proud of you."

 

His hands found their way to her abdomen, and their little girl kicked. "She's proud, too?"

 

"Of course," she assured him. "She's always proud of her hero daddy."


	20. i can be your hero

"But, I'm not her hero daddy anymore," Finn told her, his gaze dropping to the ground. "I flamed out."

 

"You will always be her hero," Rachel promised him, cupping his chin in her hands and forcing him to look at her. "No matter what happens, no matter what you do with yourself, you will always be her hero. Nothing will change that."

 

"Okay," he mumbled. "I believe you."

 

She squeezed his hand. "Good," she insisted. "Now I believe you said something about cookies?" 

 

Finn did indeed perk up at Rachel's reminder, and he took her by the hand, sprinting as best he could to the kitchen, where Kurt was making cookies. He was even wearing a funny apron and one of those cool tall hats that real fancy chefs wore. Finn thought that was kick ass. Kurt never let Finn wear the wonderful hat, no matter how much he begged. Clearly the hat held the magical powers one needed to use the stove and oven without being chaperoned. At least that was Brittany's thoughts on the subject. Finn thought she was Very Wise. 

 

"What are you doing?" Finn asked, as Magical Cooking Kurt opened the cabinet that contained their liquor and started pouring Mojito mix down the drain. "You said that the drain didn't like food!"

 

Kurt did indeed pause what he was doing, an appalled look on his face. Finn's pride grew. He had learned some super secret cooking skill after all. At least in his mind. Maybe Rachel was right about the hero thing. He definitely saved them the cost of the plumber. 

 

"They were Blaine's," his brother explained. "I want to be rid of them."

 

"Yeah, but remember the time I put baking soda in there?" 

 

Finn warned, recalling the incident and the shade of purple that Kurt had turned when the explosion had occurred. There had been _two_ explosions that day: one from the plumbing and one very loud _worse than his experience with the bomb_ one from Kurt himself. 

 

"Boom! And you got really mad at me." 

 

Kurt let out a wearied sigh, one that Finn knew meant that he was right and Kurt was wrong, despite how deeply that situation pained Kurt. 

 

"That is correct, Finn," he said, aimlessly setting the bottle down on the counter. "Thank you for reminding me of that costly endeavor of yours."

 

"You're welcome," he said, tugging Rachel over to wear a tray of cookies was cooling. "Is it time for me to help yet? Rachel wants to help too, she says Bee likes your cookies."

 

The compliment made Kurt brighten slightly, and he nodded, holding out a plate for the two of them and a spatula. "Please don't use your fingers, Finn," he added, by way of explanation. "The metal is still hot and you could hurt yourself."

 

"You should have some too," he decided. "Bee would like that."

 

Rachel had used the baby as a successful way to trick Finn into eating his gross nasty hospital food, and Kurt's cookies were way more awesomer than that, so he was certain he would be able to manipulate his baby brother via the same method, whether it was via Kurt's desire to humor him or his actual desire to please the baby. Finn thought that Kurt looked ridiculously thin all of a sudden, and he didn't approve of it. 

 

He knew that if he could tell, it had to be super obvious. 

 

Kurt smiled wryly at him, delicately choosing two cookies from the plate. "Alright," he said. "Fine."

 

"Can I wear your hat?" He asked, peering at it hopefully. "I promise I won't use it to cook."

 

Kurt sighed, pressing a hand to his head, before taking off the hat and placing it in Finn's hands. "Just this once," he told him. "I don't want you getting used to it."

 

"I can get rid of it for you," he offered, placing the hat on his head. "Blaine's stuff."


	21. mr. fabulous

"What's with Lady Gay?" Santana demanded of Finn, sitting herself down on the chair across from him, blatantly ignoring the fact that he was reading the paper. 

 

And in the middle of eating breakfast. 

 

Actually, Santana had noticed the breakfast part, though more in the context of the fact that Kurt had cooked everyone in the loft a meal -- including himself -- and yet Finn was eating Kurt's portion. 

 

"You are going to gain a zillion pounds if you keep eating his meals for him," she informed Finn, staring at him. Well, at the headline on the front page of the _New York Post_. 

 

Finn slowly lowered the paper, treating her to an action shot of Finn: Chewing Slowly. If she hadn't already been a lesbian, living with the epitome of heterosexual average male would have turned her. 

 

"Huh?" He asked -- really, it was more of a grunt -- before swallowing. "What do you mean? My mom probably asked him to fatten me up, I was losing weight at the VA."

 

She held back her natural choice of a snarky comment, simply sighing. "Your mother may have said that," she agreed. "However, have you _seen_ Fabulous lately? I mean, really looked at him? Because you may have lost weight during your hospitalization, but I'm not sure how much he has left to lose."

 

"You mean this isn't my Second Breakfast?" Finn asked, peering down at the plate, setting the paper aside. "I mean, it is sort of early for Second Breakfast, but you know how Kurt feels about my cooking skills."

 

"I was observing today," she informed him, shaking her head. 

 

There was no use in being too cruel and breaking Frankenteen, it would break Brittany's heart if her Finny Bear ended up back in the nuthouse, not to mention she was entirely certain that Kurt would use Finn's trip there as an excuse to eat even _less_. 

 

"Britts ate her meal and went off to dance, you and Fanny Brice were _nauseatingly adorable_ as you fed each other, and Kurt _purchased you those papers and told you to introduce your spawn to the comics_. You didn't find that a bit odd, Finn?"

 

Finn screwed up his face in concentration, and she bit back a sigh. "I did think it was weird that Kurt would encourage me reading Bumble the comics," he admitted, and she had to admit that she was moderately impressed by his display of logic. "And he got really mad the time I told him the Times was boring because it didn't contain _Garfield_." 

 

"He told Britts that he needed to lose his pear shaped hips," Santana informed him. 

 

"Kurt doesn't --" She cut him off. 

 

"I _know_ , Jolly Green," she assured him. "I get that. When Kurt is stressed he doesn't eat," she informed Finn, reminding herself that she was speaking to someone who had a history of copying answers of her beloved girlfriend. "He has been bottling up his emotions for _two weeks_ , probably longer."

 

She stole a piece of Finn's bacon. "Sue gave him body issues up his perky flamboyant ass," she purred. 

 

"Anyways, Britts is worried," she sighed. "She says that he's drinking the Master Cleanse again."

 

"Isn't there _sand_ in that?" Finn asked, blinking. "But, I don't get it. Why doesn't he see what he's doing to himself?"

 

Santana eyed him, hedging slightly before answering. "None of us do," she said. "Sometimes seeing what is the truth is very difficult."

 

"What do you think I should do?" He asked. 

 

"I donts knows," she told him, sighing loudly. "I wish I did. Maybe he needsa gets laid."

 

Oops. Finn had been drinking some juice, she realized belatedly, as the poor thing started coughing it up. " _Santana_!" Finn wheezed, when he had caught his breath. "Stop it! He's my _brother_! Plus he's real thin, what if the guy _breaks_ him?"

 

"It was only a thought," she assured him, in an almost friendly tone. "I wills thinks of something."

 

"My mom's coming up," he informed her. "She's a nurse, he's fixable."

 

Santana hoped Finn was right. She really did like Hummel. She hated seeing him waste himself away. 


	22. mother knows best

Finn had spent a lot of time thinking about what Santana had brought to his mind about Kurt's eating habits, and, naturally, as was true with most things in regards to Finn, once it had been pointed out to him many things made way too much sense.

 

For example, Second Breakfast had never been immediately after Breakfast before. And Finn's mother was going to _kill him_ for having Second Breakfast before Kurt had eaten a thing. Oh, he was a dead man. 

 

Then there was the fact that while Rachel was getting heavier to carry -- a fact that Finn would _never_ share with her -- Kurt was getting _lighter_. And not normal Kurt light, he wasn't an idiot, he knew that Kurt was smaller than he was, everyone was smaller than he was, except like the Terminator. But super light, like Finn having to exert no effort at all light. And he knew he had gotten stronger while he was in the Army, but _still._

 

Most worrying was the fact that Brittany had noticed. And Finn liked Brittany, but Santana was right when it was the most worrying sign of all. 

 

So Finn -- though he would deny this to the end of times -- did something on the edge of childish.

 

He called his mother. 

 

 

***

 

 

"What do you mean, can I come out sooner?" Carole asked, confused. "I mean, I _can_ ," she hedged, curling the cord of the house phone around her fingers as she listened to Finn ramble. "But I thought you were doing _better_? Aren't you going to your groups? Aren't you out of the house _right now_?"

 

"'m waiting for Rachel," Finn replied. "I meet her at the Starbucks near NYADA after her classes get out so she doesn't haveta take the subway home alone." 

 

She nodded. "That's good, honey, you are a good husband," she assured him. "I am sure Rachel appreciates it. Is something the matter with her, then?"

 

She heard Finn clear his throat, before he slurped loudly on something that was likely terribly unhealthy for him. "Not Rach," he said after a period long enough to slightly worry her. "She's good, she and Bumbles are great."

 

"Then, what is it, honey?" She asked. "If you and Rachel and the baby are fine, what's so incredibly pertinent that you can't wait a week to see me? Not that I'm not flattered."

 

"'s Kurt, Mommy," Finn whispered, sounding quite young all of a sudden. He hadn't even called her mommy while he was recovering from his wounds in the hospital. "Think he needs you to talk to him. _Please_ come."

 

Carole's heart stopped momentarily. "Did Blaine _hurt him_?" She demanded.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Finn shook his head, then realized his mother couldn't hear that over the phone. "Not _physically_ , Mom," he mumbled, trying to remain strong and rebuild his lost credibility that had evaporated when he called her mommy. "I think his heart hurts."

 

" _What_?" She exclaimed, and Finn amended his word choices for the future. 

 

"Like you know, he's _sad_ ," he told her. "But he's getting super thin, Brittany told Santana that he's eating _sand_!" It was important that his mother know these things. "Sand. Sue made them drink sand. He's doing it again!"

 

"Alright, Finn," she replied, her tone calm and gentle. "It will be alright."

 

"How?" He whispered. 

 

"I'm going to change the dates on my ticket," she told him. "And you and Rachel are going to go out for lunch using the emergency card your father pays for."

 

"Should I tell Dad?" He wondered. "Can you?"

 

"Let me see what the situation is like," she replied. "I'll make the decision. And I'll make the call."


	23. a little fall of rain

It was raining steadily by the time Rachel arrived at the Starbucks she was meeting Finn at, and she was grateful to have had the foresight to bring an umbrella that day. She was pleasantly surprised to find him waiting for her outside the entrance, clad in a fully zippered raincoat. He pulled her into a tight hug, and she laid her head on his chest, not caring that the raincoat was dampening her hair. 

 

Something had happened.

 

Usually, Finn waited inside on the comfy couch because he believed she needed twenty minutes of rest to recover from her ten minute walk.

 

He was so sweet.

 

"Are you alright?" She asked him, once he'd loosened his grip on her. "Were they rude to you?" 

 

If those people had been rude to her husband, Rachel was going to give them a piece of her mind. She was Rachel Barbra Hudson, after all, not some wallflower.

 

"Kurt won't eat," he told her, sighing morosely. "I called my mom, she's coming up early to see if she can get him to."

 

"Oh, _honey_ ," Rachel breathed, snuggling close to him, damp hair be damned. "It will be alright. Do you want to go find him?" Frankly, Kurt had been dwindling slightly on a weekly basis since Finn had returned to the apartment, though most likely it had started when he'd been Medflighted to the VA. Rachel just hadn't been focused on him at the time.

 

Finn shook his head. "My mom...she's treating us to lunch," he told her, flashing Burt's credit card in her direction. "I wanna treat you like a Queen, babe." He managed a half smile, touching her cheek with his thumb. "Plus you know how he can get...it probably wouldn't be good for my mental stability."

 

She smiled wryly at him. "You're probably right," she said. "That's...very perceptive of you, Finn. And very kind of your parents."

 

Fancy meals were splurges that didn't happen often on an undergraduate's dime, and she was _very_ indebted to Burt and Carole for their offer. Plus she was proud of Finn for recognizing that he had limits to what he could do. 

 

And she thought he was being so sweet when he wordlessly shouldered her bags and took control of her umbrella, shielding them both from the elements. 

 

She stood on her tiptoes and gave him a kiss. 

 

"I love you, Finn Hudson," she said, looping her arm through his. "I would love to go out to lunch with you."

 

It would be nice to get out of the rain, at least. 

 


	24. all night, always

Finn petted at Rachel's hair, letting her curl up against him on the couch, relishing in her proximity. He _really_ loved Rachel. Of course he did, he'd married her, so everyone knew that. But there was just something _comforting_ about her. About her curled up beside him wearing _his_ sweatpants and _his_ t-shirt -- an old one from high school that he had shrunk in the wash and that _totally_ showcased her baby bump -- her arms around his middle, head nestled in the crook of his arm. 

 

"Did you take your medication?" Rachel asked softly, and he sighed, shaking his head. "I'll go get it for you," she told him. "I have to pee, anyways."

 

He sighed, allowing her to disengage herself from him, his gaze following her as she walked across the room and into the bathroom, returning momentarily with his medication and a glass of water, a determined look on her face. He withheld his groan, not wanting to worsen the clearly impending lecture. He simply swallowed the pills, gulping the entirety of the glass down. 

 

"'m sorry," he told her, rubbing his face with his hand. "I just...hate them."

 

Much to his surprise, she dropped down beside him, pressing her hands to her belly. "It's alright," she said softly. "I know you do...you should take them for her," she added. 

 

"You're not gonna lecture me?" Finn asked, bringing one of his hands to her abdomen and the other to cup her cheek. "Babe, I..." He trailed off, staring at her belly in awe. "Babe, 's that our girl?" The baby was being quite active. Rachel nodded, pink coloring her cheeks. "Is she hurting you?" Rachel shook her head.

 

"She's just active," she told him. "It's alright, it's normal." Finn grinned at that, his eyes wide with pleasure. "I told you, she loves to kick for you."

 

Palm pressed flat against the swell of his wife's skin, Finn Hudson was very grateful for roadside bombs and medications he didn't want to take and Rachel's course of antibiotics that had created this beautiful baby girl when he had been home on leave. 

 

"She's my baby," he informed her, palms flush to her skin, an eager look on his face. "And...she's happy. She knows we're here with her." He rubbed the spot where the baby was kicking tenderly, his fingers pressing down against her skin. "And I don't care what medications I have to take or how long I have to take them to make sure that she _always_ knows that."

 

Rachel let out a contented sigh. "You're a good dad," she told him. "Very good to our munchkin." He grinned as she reached her hand up and tousled his hair, a fond expression on her face. "She likes when you talk," she added. "You...you should talk to her more."

 

"Okay," he said simply, continuing to stroke her bump as she curled into him, the new proximity of her abdomen to his side a pleasant surprise indeed. "Love you, baby Bee." He spoke in a gentle rumble, transfixed by the motions against his abdomen. "You're my pretty girl. You...don't know how much of a surprise you were to me and your mama, but you were so welcomed. I dreamt of you every night while I was in Bahrain...no matter how miserable and lonely I was without you and mama, knowin' she was expectin' you made me feel better." Bumble Bee kicked, sharply, where his hand was pressed, seemingly in response. His grin grew even wider, the motions encouraging him to keep talking, along with the smile gracing his wife's face. "Mama, eh?" He asked, rewarded with a gentle nudge. "You like when I talk about your mom, don't you, precious?" Another nudge. "I love your mama," he informed Rachel's belly, along with Rachel herself. "She's the best mama in all of the whole universe. She loves you lots, she's been reading all sorts of books about how you're growin' an' she's doin' everything possible to make sure you're alright."

 

Finn cleared his throat. "I've loved your mama for a long time, sweet thing," he cooed, his fingers tracing hearts all over Rachel's belly. "And I will keep loving her until the day I die."

 

"You mean that, Finn?" Rachel asked, gazing up at him. 

 

"Yeah," he said, leaning his chin on her head. "Always."

 

 

***

 

 

Finn's medication had a tendency to make him sleepy, not that Rachel particularly objected when a sleepy Finn decided that a good position to drift off to sleep was stretched out on the couch, head pressed against her belly and his arms cradling it. She was actually enjoying the enforced rest -- even their daughter had fallen asleep -- she'd slept for a while, but had woken up and was simply observing her husband. Finn was so adorable, she thought to herself, drinking in her husband's sleeping form. He was dressed simply that day, clad in a polo shirt and jeans, the shirt rising slightly to expose his lower back, his boxers peeking out over the top of his jeans. Somehow, Finn had managed to stay soundly asleep with one of his legs dangling to the floor, the other stretched completely out on the available space on the cushion. 

 

She took a stealthy picture of the two -- three -- of them with her phone, the flash only causing him to hold her closer. She reached down and stroked his hair, gently massaging his scalp. He stirred, making a quite content sound.

 

"Love you," he murmured, and she watched him open his eyes, blearily staring at her. "You're comfy."

 

She giggled, covering his hand with hers. "You're cute, Finny." Finn's smile was immediate, he shot her a quirked up grin before nuzzling at her belly. "She's sleeping," she told him, not missing his pout at that. "Don't be sad, she was napping with you."

 

"You okay?" Finn asked softly, sitting up on the couch, crossing his legs underneath him. He reached out and touched her shoulder. She nodded, staring up at him with a fond look. 

 

"I'm fine," she promised. "We're both fine." 

 

"Were you taking pictures of me?" He asked, covering his mouth to stifle a yawn. "Am I cute?"

 

"I took a picture for her baby book," she told him, ruffling his hair. "And, yes, you are adorable."

 

"I try," he told her, reaching out and hugging her. Rachel leaned into his embrace, her eyes filled with adoration. She didn't care how sick Finn was, all she cared about was that he had come home. He was hers again, and he would never leave. "Makin' up for lost time, y'know?"

 

She planted a kiss on his lips, a warm feeling coursing through her veins as she settled herself carefully on his lap. "You don't..." She trailed off. "Well, if it makes you happy." His hands were on the small of her back, lifting up her shirt to massage her lower back, his touch leaving her keening in pleasure. She was filled with hormones now, and every prolonged touch from her husband sent tingles down her spine and blood rushing to a sensitive area. "That feels good," she breathed.

 

Finn's hands moved higher up, and she instinctively arched her back, nails digging into his thighs. "You okay?" He asked, tone husky. She nodded. "You...turned on?" His tone was hushed, but she met his lips in a kiss. 

 

"Yes," she said simply. "I need you, Finn."

 

 

***

 

 

Okay, so Carole wasn't exactly _surprised_ that Finn and Rachel were running late to pick her up at the airport -- she did love her son to pieces, but he was still the same Finn Hudson he had been for the past 21 years. Timeliness wasn't a strong suit of his. She _was_ , however, surprised to see the general state of dishevelment her son and daughter-in-law were in when they finally crossed into her field of sight, wrapped into each other. Finn's polo shirt was on inside out, and Rachel had decided to adopt an extreme version of the bed head hair style. She bit her lip, smiling at the twosome. They had yet to notice her, and she took the moment to observe the casual intimacy that they were displaying. Finn had noticed the state of Rachel's hair as well and was smoothing it down, while Rachel had looped her arm through his and was clinging to him. It was _sweet_ , Carole decided. 

 

Finn noticed her and led Rachel over to the bench she was seated at, her luggage at her feet. She stood, enveloping him in a tight hug. "Hi, baby," she murmured, taking in his change in appearance. "How are you feeling?" Finn looked much better than he had the last time she'd seen him in person. 

 

"I'm okay," he told her, and she sensed he was telling the truth. "I was a bit nervous, coming here," he admitted. "But Rach...made me feel better." Her daughter-in-law turned a ferocious shade of red at his statement, and she watched him protectively place his hand on her back, in what she had a feeling was a mutually comforting gesture. "Still not a fan of crowds," he admitted. "But I'm alright." 

 

"I'm glad," she said, standing on her tiptoes and kissing him on the forehead. "You're looking better, sweet pea." She reached out for Rachel, pulling her into a gentle hug. "How are you, darling? Everything alright with you and my granddaughter?" 

 

Rachel nodded, before planting a kiss on her cheek and taking her hand and pressing it to her bump. "We're good," she told her. "She's actually just waking up, Finn got her active again," she said, shooting him a small smile. "She might kick for her grandma."

 

Carole felt a small motion where her hand was, and she let out an excited squeal. That was her _granddaughter_. She and Burt were going to be _grandparents_. And the baby was _kicking_ for her. 

 

"I felt her," she told the two of them, noticing their matching smiles. "You two must be excited?" She didn't move her hand from Rachel's abdomen, as the baby had continued to kick.

 

"Yes," Rachel confirmed, as Finn nodded eagerly, and she watched him loop his fingers around Rachel's wrist. "We're very excited...we can't wait to meet her."

 

"We started setting up her room, Mom," Finn interjected. "It's so cool, wait 'til you see it."

 

"Should we head there now?" She asked, heart breaking somewhat at Finn's relieved look. "I'd like that...to see the place and get some rest," she said, skillfully faking a yawn. "The flight made me tired."

 

"Alright," Finn agreed, as Rachel shot him a worried look. "Yeah. You and my girls need to rest. But you're my mom, so you're like my original girl." He smiled shakily at her, grabbing her suitcase and travel bag with his free hand. "We're gonna take a cab, alright, Mom?"

 

"Whatever you want, sweetheart," she said. 

 

Carole actually managed to sleep during the cab ride to Brooklyn, though that was only after the taxi was filled with the sounds of Finn snoring, Rachel pressed into his side. Soon enough, they had arrived at the loft.

 

Finn's general disposition had improved dramatically. 


	25. Did you know Rachel's cactus needs bacon to live?

"Do you like it, Mom?" Finn asked Carole hesitantly, leading her into the baby's room. "It's...not all done yet," he explained. "But we're working on it bit by bit."  
  
"Of course I do," she assured her son, rewarded with him beaming in her direction. "Finn, it's wonderful."  
  
"Cool," Finn replied, jamming his hands in his back pockets and bumping shoulders with her, seeming almost playful. "I'm working really hard on it," he told her. "My baby deserves the best."  
  
Carole watched as he reached out and placed his hand on Rachel's abdomen, thumb rubbing around it in circles. She just knew that he was going to be a good father. She could just tell, and she wasn't just saying that because he was her baby boy.   
  
"She has the best," Rachel spoke, and her daughter-in-law smiled up at Finn encouragingly, leaning into him as his fingers curled around her side. "She's got you."  
  
She saw the tips of Finn's ears redden, and she smiled fondly at the two. "She's very lucky to have two parents like you both," she informed them. "Very lucky." And then, Carole left the room, leaving her son and her daughter-in-law to their private moment, retreating to the living room, where Finn had left her suitcases. She hummed quietly to herself, more than a bit relieved that she had been able to use the pull of being the wife of a Congressman to get a hotel room on such short notice. She didn't know if the loft's other occupants were expecting her, nor did she think that they would appreciate her camping out on their couch. She didn't even know if Kurt was expecting her. And sure, this rendition of the loft was a much larger -- and improved -- version of Kurt and Rachel's first apartment, but she still didn't want to put anyone out.   
  
She decided to have a cup of tea while she waited, turning on the electric kettle and preparing herself a cup of Earl Grey, taking a seat on the couch after it had brewed. With the exception of Finn and Rachel's quiet conversation in the soon to be nursery, the loft was quiet. She relished this, suspecting this was rarely the case.   
  
As if to prove her point, she heard two familiar voices arguing in the hallway.  
  
"--don't know why you wouldn't let me go alls Lima Heights on the Hobbit's ass," she heard as she took a sip of her tea, nearly choking out of shock and amusement. "I would have taken him, Britts," the voice continued, volume rising as it approached the apartment.   
  
"I just don't think we should be more violent," the other voice said. "Lord Tubbington shouldn't be exposed to such negative influences. What if he starts smoking again? And I don't think that beating Blaine up will make Kurtsie eat again."  
  
The door to the loft swung open, and Brittany and Santana walked in, the aforementioned Lord Tubbington walking in front of them, on a leash. New York was so strange, Carole thought to herself.   
  
Brittany was pouting. "So you have noticed it," Santana commented. "What about what I asked you to do?"  
  
"I tried," she informed her. "He just said I was imagining things. I even told him he didn't have shapes like a pear, like you said to." The cat was unhooked from the leash, and Carole watched as Brittany dropped her coat and purse on the floor near the entranceway. "He just looked at me."  
  
"What about breakfast?" Santana asked. "And that's hips like a pear."  
  
"Did you know Rachel's cactus needs bacon to live?" Was Brittany's response. "I think Lord Tubbington ended up eating it, the cactus didn't even seem to notice."  
  
Carole's eyebrows rose alarmingly, and Santana stopped looking through her bag to stare at Brittany, who seemed worryingly earnest. Santana opened her mouth to respond, but Carole beat her to it.  
  
"Are you telling me that Kurt has been pretending to eat?" She asked Brittany, as the blonde woman eyed the cactus with curiosity, her face screwing up in confusion.   
  
"I don't know," she answered. "He told me that he was helping the cactus! The poor thing..."  
  
"China doll lied to you," Santana informed her, saving Carole having to convince Brittany that the cactus was fine. "Don't pout, Britts," she continued, looping an arm around her. "He lied to Finn, too."  
  
"Why is Mrs. H here?" Brittany asked, gazing in Carole's direction. "Is Kurt in trouble?"  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
"No, sweetheart," Mrs. H told her, in the placating tone that Brittany remembered from Finn's hospital stay. "Finn just asked me to come visit, that's all, no one is in trouble."  
  
Brittany pursed her lips. It was nice of Mrs. H to come visit Finn, she decided. She was Finn's mom after all, she probably wanted to check on him and see how his knee was doing and how sad he was. And of course she would want to see Rachel and be around baby Bumble Bee, even if the baby wasn't born yet to cuddle with. But there was something...off about the whole thing.   
  
"I thought they were visiting you for Thanksgiving," she blurted out. "Is this because I let Kurt feed the cactus?"  
  
She was smarting about how Kurt -- her favorite ex-boyfriend! -- had lied to her. All he would have had to do was tell her he was back on the Cheerios' diet, not make up lies about feeding plants. She would have understood.  
  
"You didn't do anything wrong," Mrs. H assured her, and she felt her pout lessen. "Honey, Finn is worried about his brother," she said, as Brittany sat down on the couch, leg bouncing nervously. "It's not just one incident of you agreeing to him feeding a plant or one day of feeding Finn two meals and himself none at all...it's that all of those things add up, and they add up to a worrying picture."  
  
"It was a diet," she said, after a moment of processing what Mrs. H had said. "The My Brother Almost Got Blown Up By A Raid diet." She sighed. "He said that he would eat more again once Finny Bear came home and wasn't so sad anymore, but Finny Bear is getting better and I think Kurtsie is getting worse. And I'm sorry, Mrs. H. Maybe I should have told you about his diet but Kurtsie has always been thin...I thought it was normal. And everyone was so worried about Finn that I forgot."   
  
Great, she thought to herself, Kurt had probably told her about the diet at that time on purpose, so that she would forget. She let out a heavy sigh.   
  
"I really am sorry," she repeated.   
  
"I know," Mrs. H replied. "But, it's not your fault...Kurt can be good at causing people to not see the truth...he has been known to evade detection...to keep secrets."  
  
Brittany sniffled. Loudly. "I feel like it is my fault, though," she mumbled. "I should have noticed. He's my favorite ex-boyfriend."


	26. I love you -- I know

"You really love her, don't you?" Rachel asked Finn in a quiet tone, and he pulled her close to him, settling his hands on her belly. "Finn?" 

 

"Yeah," he whispered, hands rubbing up and down the small bump. "More than anything I've ever loved before. Except you." He grinned down at her, petting her abdomen some more. "I can't wait to meet her." He felt a nudge against his palm, and he pressed on the spot firmly, pleased when their daughter kicked -- hard -- in response. "'m glad 'm home, babe," he said fervently. "This makes it all worth it." 

 

The baby kicked a lot more now, Finn had noticed. He didn't know if it was because she was getting bigger or if it was because she knew that her daddy sometimes needed those kicks to ground him to reality, but he _really wasn't_ going to complain. He thought it was so awesome, the most amazing thing in the world. 

 

Rachel giggled, her brown eyes twinkling with excitement, and she beamed up at him, her small hand joining his larger one. "She loves you too," she assured him. "She's always willing to wake up for you." As if to illustrate her mother's point, their bumble bee kept wriggling around, her little motions markedly improving Finn's spirits. "You're her daddy."

 

Daddy. Finn had never had a word fill him with pure joy before, but being called daddy was the best thing in the world to him. He couldn't wait for their little bee to be born so he could _really_ be a daddy. Yeah, he knew he was really one now, but he wanted to hold her and cuddle her and have a damn _point_ to his insomnia. But Rachel calling him their baby's daddy did boost his spirits even more than the kicking, though it was a tight competition. He felt his smile grow wider. "Hell, yeah, I'm her daddy," he breathed, feeling awed by the thought. 

 

"Can...can I talk to her?" He asked her softly, not wanting to loosen his hold on her. "Just for a little bit?"

 

"Of course," Rachel told him. "...let's sit on the floor, alright?" 

 

The rug was a plush material, and it was a deep, rich, purple, and Finn thought there was no better place to sit in that moment than on the new carpeting with Rachel in his lap. He knew that eventually they would have to leave the room and that eventually they would have to deal with the reality of the situation -- holy _hell_ was Kurt going to be mad at him -- but he was willing to prolong that moment in time for as long as he possibly could. So he eased himself and Rachel down on to the floor, his petite diva of a wife settling herself in between his legs, and he gently palmed her abdomen, feeling strong motions beneath his hands. 

 

"Hey," he said in a quiet tone, stroking her bump through the thick material of her sweater. "Hey, there, it's your daddy. I hope you're doin' alright, Mama says you are but I can't help but worry about you." She moved in response, which Finn was pleased to take as a yes, and as encouragement to continue. "You're the best thing in the world that's happened to me," he added earnestly. "And...and I want you to know that I love you _so damn much_ , baby girl, you're my whole world and I can't wait to hold you in my arms and really be your daddy. I'll stay up _all night_ with you if that's what you want."

 

Rachel gave him an encouraging glance and squeezed his hand. "She knows, Finn."

 

The baby _was_ kicking an awful lot, he'd noticed, and he beamed at that. "She's not hurtin' you, right?"

 

She shook her head. "No, she's not," she promised. "She's just a girl who wants to play with her daddy. And I'm just a girl who thinks that her girl and her daddy are the most adorable things in the world." 

 

"Nah," Finn said, leaning his chin on her head. "That's you...you're the most adorable thing in the world." He pulled her close to him. "You're amazing, babe."

 

Rachel settled back against his chest, sighing contently as Finn carded his fingers through her hair, pleased when his breathing steadied and his general demeanor seemed calmer. "I love you," she whispered, snuggling closer to him. "So. Much." She lightly tapped her fingers against his thigh. 

 

"You know..." He said, before trailing off. "You know that I love you, right?" 

 

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, of course," she cooed. Finn grinned. "I've always known."


	27. believe me if you could

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think he broke Finn."

Kurt really was starting to feel like he was on a particularly bizarre version of _This is Your Life_ , or perhaps _Intervention_ , when he arrived home from his internship and found everyone that could vaguely be considered a resident of the loft sitting dazedly in the living room, not at all paying attention to what was on the television. "What are you all doing home?" He asked, finding everyone being there in the middle of the day more than a little bit disconcerting. Even Finn wasn't usually home at this time. "Did somebody die?"  
  
It was Brittany that broke the silence. " _You_ lied to _me_ ," she said, sounding incredibly aware. "You told me that your plant liked to eat meat, and when Lord Tubbington ate the bacon you gave it, I thought that it was going to _die_. Finn's mom says that plants don't eat meat, Kurt." The blonde's eyes locked with his, and the glare she gave him was somehow more fearsome than Santana's. "I am pretty sure that you are going to get sued for using Coach's recipe for the Master Cleanse," she added, crossing her arms.   
  
The thought of Sue Sylvester suing him had not crossed his mind until that very moment, and he prayed to any God that existed that she wouldn't. It was then that he processed the rest of her statement.   
  
"How does Mom know about this?" He demanded, shooting a dirty look at Finn. "Did _you_ have Brittany call her?" He demanded of his brother.   
  
"I didn't have to call her," Brittany said, her tone exasperated. "When San and I came home from walking Lord Tubbington she was there. So I decided to ask her about the plant because she's a nurse."   
  
"Why is she here?" Kurt asked, dreadful thoughts about his father's potential fate filling his mind. " _Is it my dad? Is he dead? **Finn?**_ " He had somehow crossed the room to where Finn was sat, quivering with emotions. "Tell me, Finn, is he dead?"  
  
"I was _worried_ about you!" Finn exclaimed, jumping off the couch, needing to steady himself on Kurt when the quick movement proved to be too much for his healing knee. "Look at yourself! You're wasting away, Kurt! You haven't been eating properly since that bombing almost blew me up!"  
  
"You don't have to talk about that, Finn," Kurt insisted, seeing the pallor of Rachel's face and seeing how Finn's hand clenched hers as he spoke. "I know it upsets you to think about, I wouldn't want to derail the progress you ma--"  
  
"That's _bull_ , and _you know it_ ," Finn said, as he shook his head. "You don't get to tell me what to say or what I should or shouldn't do and you have no right to try to defect attention from yourself by pretending it's for my benefit." Kurt opened his mouth to correct his word usage, but Finn continued to speak, apparently content to ignore Kurt's rebuttal. "I know about your little _diet plan_ ," he informed him, in a low tone. "The 'my brother nearly got blown up' one? Ring a bell?"  
  
"You weren't supposed to know about that!" He exclaimed, finally able to get a word in edgewise. "I didn't feel much like eating while you were in the hospital and when Brittany asked how I had lost the weight I told her that as a joke."   
  
"I don't think it's a particularly funny joke," Finn said flatly. "And I get that you were worried about me and that might have made you lose your appetite, but you've gotten worse. You barely eat, you make me eat both our meals and you hope I don't notice, and you look unhealthy, bro. So I called Mom because I wanted her help."  
  
Kurt outwardly seethed. How _dare_ Finn say that his losing weight was the problem, when, in reality, it was his current weight that was the problem. He was clearly obese, and that was why Blaine had dumped him.  
  
"You had no right -- "  
  
"You can't tell me that anymore," Finn continued. "If it was just me that was worried, fine. But it's everyone. And you're lying and -- and I can't stand it. Haven't I been through enough? I am working so _damn_ hard to get better, to fix myself before _my little girl_ gets here. And that's so hard for me. But I'm _trying_. I can't fix you too! So, yeah, I called her. But I don't regret it."  
  
And Kurt was now feeling guilty. He really hadn't meant for his diet to upset Finn. Or Brittany.   
  
"I just have to lose five more pounds," Kurt said, in what was meant to soothe his brother. "Or ten. I'll stop when I get to 120."  
  
Finn looked as if he had swallowed a lemon, or something particularly unsavory. "You're 5'10," he told him, flatly. "You aren't going to be 120."  
  
"You have no right to tell me what to do," Kurt muttered. "Isn't it bad enough that you ruined my relationship?!"  
  
Okay, that had been out of line, he thought to himself, as Finn's face crumpled somewhat, before he put on a facade of composure. Just because he was angry didn't mean he had to be purposefully cruel.   
  
"I didn't mean to," Finn said, sounding childlike. "I'm so sorry, Kurt. I didn't mean to."  
  
The rational part of him was telling him to apologize to Finn, but he elected to ignore it. "You often do things you don't mean to do, don't you? I'm not surprised you've moved on from insulting my decor."  
  
Finn's jaw dropped. Kurt became vaguely aware that everyone was staring at him. "Don't be an ass," Finn spat. "I was a sophomore in high school. How many times do I have to apologize?!"  
  
"That's not the only ignorant thing you've done!" Kurt continued. "You think I'm selfish for being on a diet and for being upset that I found on that Blaine was cheating on me and now I have no boyfriend and I won't fit into my sample sizes because you think I'm anorexic! Meanwhile you go off on a selfish whim and go off and join the military because you thought you could make your father's dishonorable discharge go away with one of your awe-shucks smiles! How do you think we all felt? Did you think about us?"  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
Finn's sobs filled the entirety of the loft.   
  
"That could have gone better," Santana commented as Kurt bolted out of the apartment, while Finn had collapsed back down on the couch beside Rachel, his entire body heaving with sobs. Beside her, Brittany shot her a bewildered look, looking between the door -- that Kurt had pointedly slammed as he'd left -- and the couch, a conflicted look on her face.   
  
"Kurt was really mean," Brittany finally said, Santana's ability to hear her over Finn only possible due to her proximity. "I think he broke Finn."  
  
Santana had to agree with Brittany's assessment, as she watched Rachel trying to soothe her husband, a task that seemed particularly difficult at the moment. "Finn was already broken," she told her gently, running her fingers through her hair. "Remember, we talked about this?"   
  
She nodded, before wrinkling her nose up in confusion. "Rachel says he has medication, though," she said. "She showed me where it was when I came by here for Lord Tubbs play date and she asked me to sit with Finn while she went to yell at you-know-who." Brittany mouthed 'Blaine', clearly thinking Santana needed that to be clarified. She didn't, but even she could appreciate Brittany's attempts at accommodating Finn.   
  
She inwardly cursed Kurt for ruining her mood so much that she couldn't even insult him or his brother without feeling like a jackass.   
  
"I think that it doesn't help all the time," she started, hoping that Brittany wouldn't join in on the tears. "It might be so he can function like us."  
  
"No, she told me he has special happy medicine," her girlfriend said, beaming brightly at the recollection. She practically bounced. "It had a really long name but I think it's happy pills, you know how fancy Rachel can talk."  
  
Brittany pouted again, as Rachel's attempts at calming Finn became increasingly futile. Santana got an idea. "You want to help, babe?"  
  
"Yes," she agreed.   
  
"Get Rachel Finn's...happy pills," she settled on, hoping that Brittany wouldn't worsen things by calling them that. "He needs to take them."  
  
  
***  
  
  
"I don't think you were selfish," Brittany told Finn, once her good deed of getting him his happy pills and Rachel making him take them had done its job and her friend was back on a slightly more even emotional keel. Rachel had told her that that was a good thing, and Brittany assumed that it meant Finn wasn't in danger of like jumping off the balcony or something. "I know you thought about us," she added, pleased when he smiled weakly in her direction. "You talked to Rachel like all the time," she reminded him.   
  
"She's my wife," he mumbled, and she followed his gaze to the slumbering Rachel, whom Santana had commanded to take a nap while she went out to try to find Kurt or Finn's mom and Brittany got the most important job of all, making sure Finn didn't do 'stupid things like see if he could fly off the fire escape'. "I wanted more than anything to be with her, but I had to do this, not just because of my father."  
  
"You're with her now," she said, saying nothing as Finn tenderly adjusted Rachel, clearly trying to make her more comfortable. She thought it was super sweet how much he loved her and their daughter. "You're not gonna do anything stupid, are you, Finn?"   
  
"What'd you mean?" He asked, staring at Rachel's belly, which Brittany had totally noticed was getting big. She resisted the temptation to squeal when he placed his hand on it, the twitch of his lips meaning that the baby was kicking. She totally wanted to feel, but not if feeling the baby was making Finn happy again.   
  
"I don't like when you go on the fire escape," she told him. "What if you fell or something?"  
  
Finn shook his head. "'m not gonna jump off the fire escape, Britt," he said. "I know that's what you're worried about. I just need some air sometimes."  
  
"I would be sad if you jumped," she whispered. "'n so would Rachie and the baby."  
  
"I know," he mumbled. "'s why I wouldn't."  
  
She chewed on her lower lip, contemplating Finn's response. He really looked like he needed a hug, and Brittany thought she gave the best hugs in the world.  
  
"Can I hug you, Finny?" She asked carefully. "Is that alright?"  
  
  
***  
  
  
"Yeah," Finn agreed, and attempted to give her an encouraging smile. "Of course it's alright. You can hug me, Britt."  
  
Brittany's hug was gentle, a far cry from her more exuberant greetings on Finn's good days, and he appreciated that. He carefully wrapped his arms around her. He sniffled softly. He was so embarrassed by his breakdown in front of his friends, and over something so stupid.   
  
"You can tell us," she said, matter-of-factly, not pulling away. "You should tell us. If you feel like you need air, tell us."   
  
"And?"   
  
"And we'd give you space," she said. "It's okay, you don't have to pretend to be okay when you're not. And that way Rachie won't think you're lost, I think you being lost scares her and the baby."  
  
Finn felt guilty again, and he nodded. "I'll try."  
  
She pecked a kiss on his cheek. "Good. And I'm glad you're back," she said, leaning into his ear. "Rachel played all of the songs you recorded together every night for the baby," she whispered. "So she would know who her daddy was. Now she doesn't have to do that."  
  
Most people that Finn had encountered since his return had been effusive over his service to his country, and about how wonderful it was to have a hero like himself back on American soil, but Brittany's comment about why she was glad he was back actually cheered him up. Plus it explained Rachel's comment about Bumble Bee liking him singing that she'd made back in his hospital room. He smiled a genuine smile, first at Brittany and then at Rachel's bump. He really loved that baby.   
  
"She does like it," he said. "Rach says she thinks Bee's listening, it really calms her down."  
  
"You're her daddy," Brittany said. "Duh. She totally wants a private concert from you, that's why she gets quiet."  
  
"I want to be a good daddy," he admitted, petting Rachel's abdomen as he did. "I'm trying so hard to be the best daddy in the world and not let my demons get the best of me. I want to be a good dad, more than anything in the world." Bumble Bee kicked at his hand in response. "I really love her, she and Rach...they're my whole world." She kicked again, harder. Rachel shifted. "Bee, be good to Mama," he chided, only for her to nudge him repeatedly. "Mama...Daddy made Mama tired, Bumble. You're really active, are you tryin' to cheer me up?" He felt flutters in response. "You are?" He asked, voice cracking somewhat. "'s working, Baby Bee. Mama started to cheer Daddy up but you and Auntie Britt Britt helped loads once she fell asleep. Thanks." He directed the thank you to Brittany, who looked beyond excited about something. "What?" He asked.  
  
"You called me Auntie Britt Britt," she said, beaming.   
  
"Yeah, 'cause you are," he said, matching her smile. "We're a family, and that means that you're her family, too."


	28. It's a good life

"Thanks, Finn," Brittany said sincerely, trying to control her eagerness. She wasn't stupid, she knew that Finn had to go through a lot every day to make sure that he was alright to be around others, and she didn't want to set him off. Brittany prided herself on her ability to sense others' feelings, unlike Kurtsie, apparently. She couldn't believe how mean he had been to his brother! "I'm so sorry about my dolphin, maybe it's his time of the month."  
  
Kurt was an honorary girl, after all. Maybe he could PMS.   
  
"It's not your fault, Britt," he told her, sinking back against the couch. She watched as Rachel moved closer to him, still sound asleep. "I should have just had Mom talk to him."   
  
Brittany still felt guilty. Finn shot her a half smile. "No, really, it's fine," he continued. "I'm tired of everyone treating me with kid gloves and I'm apparently still being punished for stupid things I did as a teenager when Kurt wanted us to fall in love with each other. I said what I had to say and I wish that I hadn't broken down, because that was fuckin' embarrassing, but I promise it's not your fault. I just...I wish that things were different, that's all."  
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
Finn shrugged. "I just wonder what things would have been like, sometimes," he said honestly. "I don't want to be like my dad."   
  
"You won't be," she said. "I see how you are with Rachel, and about the baby...you won't be, I promise." Brittany beamed when her comment caused Finn to brighten, and relax somewhat. She wasn't stupid. She knew how people worked.   
  
"Thanks," he said softly. "Would you be mad if I napped with Rachel?"  
  
"No, you can nap with her," Brittany encouraged. Duh, of course she wouldn't be mad. Sleeping Finn would be totally easy to keep track of. "Go ahead."  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
Rachel was totally not wearing a bra under her shirt, Finn had discovered as he semi-woke, her boobs pressed against his chest, her arms wrapped firmly around him. She let out a quiet snore, exhaling loudly as she did, and she buried her face into his undershirt, her hair tickling his arms. He really wanted to explore the un-contained pregnant boobs territory, but she was sleeping and he was really too much of a gentleman to wake her for that. Especially now that she was pregnant. Like it totally had to be a law that you couldn't wake up your pregnant significant other to get to second base on your brother's couch, even if you were totally pissed at him and perfectly willing to round to home on it. Stupid Kurt, he thought to himself, tugging Rachel closer. It wasn't fair that he shouted at him.  
  
He had really thought he had had a point. Wasn't 120 what Rachel weighed? Finn thought about asking her, but figured it would be an error in judgment.   
  
Plus, he was kind of okay with just spending the rest of the afternoon sleeping on the couch with his wife. It was a normal thing to do.   
  
"You okay?" He heard her whisper softly, her tone sleepy. "Finn?"  
  
Brown eyes met brown, and Finn nodded, causing Rachel to shoot him a smile. "Yeah, I'm okay," he told her. "Did you sleep alright?"  
  
She nodded into his shirt, and he smirked at the gesture, enjoying how cuddly she was being. "I always sleep well with you here," she murmured, and he heard her yawn.   
  
"But you're still tired!" Finn protested.   
  
"It's alright, honey, really," Rachel told him, as he reached a hand out and caressed her hair. "The baby's just growing."  
  
He grinned widely at her, feeling the swell of her bump pressed against him. "She can grow all she wants."  
  
She giggled, a faint flush coming to her cheeks. "You're really happy, aren't you?" Rachel sat up, sitting on his legs, expertly avoiding his bad knee, an expectant look on her face.   
  
"Yeah, duh," Finn said. "I'm a dad." He ran his hand down Rachel's side, drawing her in for a kiss. "You made me a daddy." He felt the ripple of movement beneath her skin, and he kissed her again, not moving his hand from its spot. "Wanna do it?"  
  
"Finn!" Rachel chided. "Where is your sense of romance?"  
  
He placed his chin on her head. "Sorry, babe," he murmured, planting a kiss on her hair. "I just...please?"  
  
"Okay," Rachel agreed, sweetly smiling at him.

  
  
***  
  
  
"Is Santana with you?" Brittany asked Carole, and Carole peered at her in confusion, before slowly shaking her head.   
  
"Why would she be?" She asked. "I checked into my hotel room and took a nap, then I came back here like I told Finn I was going to."   
  
"Oh," the blonde said in a breezy tone, which did nothing to comfort Carole, shrugging her shoulders. "Santana said she was looking for you or Kurt," she informed her. "I thought she'd found you. But I'm glad you're here! Kurt was super mean to Finn earlier."  
  
"What do you mean?" She asked, confused, following her into the kitchen, spying her son and daughter-in-law sound asleep on the couch. "How was he mean?"  
  
"He got super mad at Finn for saying he couldn't be 120 at 5'10"," Brittany said, pouring herself a cup of coffee. "And like I agree with Finny, because I'm not 120 and I'm the same height as Kurtsie. But Kurtsie got really angry and started saying really mean things like about how Finn doesn't like how he decorates and how Finn didn't think about anyone else when he joined the Army and -- "  
  
"What?" Carole gasped, eyes wide.   
  
"It's true," she said, shaking her head. "Oh, Finn is worried that he'll end up like his dad," she added, matter-of-factly. "Kurt was saying super mean lies and I think that Finn believed them."  
  
"Were they talking about Christopher's dishonorable discharge?" Carole asked, dreading the answer. Brittany nodded. "Brittany, honey, those weren't lies. I don't want you thinking badly of Finn's father, but Kurt was telling the truth. Just in a completely inappropriate and vindictive manner."  
  
"So Finny's dad really didn't die in the dessert war?" Brittany asked, her tone filled with confusion.   
  
"Desert Storm?" She corrected, tone gentle. "No, he died of a drug overdose in Cinci."   
  
"That was mean of Kurt to say that Finn was going to do that," she said after a moment, eying her blankly. "Finn was so sad, Mrs. H." Carole let out a sigh. How many times had she told Brittany to call her Carole? She had lost count. And what had gotten into Kurt? She was highly disappointed in him. "Is Finn's father an angel?"  
  
"Beg pardon?" She asked, trying not gape.  
  
"It's just that my mom said once that when people die they become angels," Brittany informed her, her eyes glinting with joy. "Like in that movie from before color was invented, It's a Good Life? They become angels so they can watch over us up in Heaven."   
  
"I suppose," Carole said, trying not to upset the younger woman. "It's a nice thought, isn't it?"  
  
Brittany nodded, practically bouncing. "Yes," she agreed. "Santana and I were angels once," she added. "We were in a totally awesome movie that Rachel filmed back in high school. I think it was about racing kangaroos."  
  
Carole didn't ask.


	29. Temptation, Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Cock blocked by Mom," Finn muttered, sinking down on the bed beside her, a pout on his face. "Just like high school."

"Do you hear that?" Rachel queried, pulling slightly away from Finn, who seemed quite content to ignore the sounds of people conversing and simply lavish attention on her breasts, popping one of them in his mouth. "Finn, that's your mother. We can't keep doing this."  
  
His mouth was still firmly on her breast, tongue flicking back and forth as he sucked on her nipple, but she heard him sigh nonetheless. It did seem awfully juvenile to be caught by Finn's mother at their age, so she reluctantly pulled away, her disappointment evident.   
  
"Cock blocked by Mom," Finn muttered, sinking down on the bed beside her, a pout on his face. "Just like high school."  
  
Rachel giggled, curling herself up so her head was on his chest, her hair splayed across. "You're cute, you know that, right?" She knew that Finn was frustrated, but she found it adorable.   
  
"Nah," he chuckled, stroking her hair. "You're the cute one." She felt him kiss her head, and she smiled up at him. "Did we wake her up?"   
  
"Yes." Rachel nodded, kissing him on the lips. "I think she'll be up for awhile," she told him, patting her belly as she did. The baby had woken up partway through their lovemaking, but she hadn't minded. It often woke her up, to be honest. "You can feel after we get dressed," she said firmly, batting his hand away. Rachel knew Finn and she knew how he worked, she knew that he would use the baby kicking as an excuse to not leave the room unless she prodded him to.   
  
Finn pouted at that. "But she's kicking now, she probably wants to play with me. Can I give her a kiss, at least?" He shot her a pathetically hopeful look, and she nodded, grinning down at him as he pressed his lips to her abdomen. "Hey in there, baby girl," he whispered, before pulling reluctantly away. Their daughter kicked in protest, but Rachel petted her belly, before hoisting herself off the bed and slipping on a new dress. She didn't really much feel like bothering with underwear or a bra. The dress was long enough to conceal her modesty and her breasts were still just small enough to get away with it.   
  
"I think you should wear the blue," she said softly, noticing that Finn hadn't done anything more than open the draw where his sweaters were kept in. "It brings out your eyes and it's soft when I cuddle with you." She came up behind him and gave him a hug, fingers tenderly tracing the fading scars on his sides. "You look good in anything, though," she assured him, her hand not leaving his back. "You--" Finn's lips crashed against hers, his kiss desperate and hungry, and she made a moaning sound in response, kissing him back. "Finn," she insisted, trying to regain control of herself, her hormones, and her husband. "Finn, we can't do this. We need to have a mature adult conversation with your mother about your brother."   
  
"What if Kurt tells her I'm too screwed up to live here," Finn mumbled, reluctantly releasing her and putting on the aforementioned sweater and toeing on a pair of jeans that had been on the floor. "What if I get locked away, what if I can never see you or our daughter again?"  
  
Oh, Rachel thought to herself, her heart practically breaking at Finn's demeanor, at the fact that he thought that was a genuine possibility. She hadn't realized that he was thinking along those terms, and she really didn't like that Kurt had put such a thought in her husband's -- his brother's! -- head. She wrapped her arms around Finn, squeezing him as tightly as she dared. Finn pressed a hand to her bump, rubbing it desperately.   
  
"That's not going to happen," she said, her tone firm. "You're staying here, you aren't going to get locked away, and nothing you do is going to get me away from you or our daughter. We love you too much. You know that, right?" Finn nodded, though his gaze was downcast. "What can I do to make you smile again?"  
  
"Take that off," he replied. "I like you better in my hoodie and sweats." He shrugged. "We're not going anywhere, you may as well be comfy."  
  
"Okay," she agreed. It was a simple request and Finn was right, his hoodie and sweats were better to lounge around in. She pulled off the offending to Finn garment, blushing lightly as she realized he was completely unabashedly checking her out. "You like what you see?" She asked, tone flirtatious.   
  
"Yeah, babe, you're hot," he said. "And all mine." His tone dripped with possessiveness, and she found herself flushing lightly. "My Rachel," he said, drawing her close for a kiss. "And my daughter." He knelt down so he could kiss her bump, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I love you. I'm your daddy." Their baby responded by kicking Finn -- hard -- and he drew back, a pleased look on his face. "Want to play a game with Daddy?" He queried, hand flat on her belly. "Let's let your mama get dressed and we can play out in the living room," he murmured, and Bumble Bee kicked in response. "Yeah, I know," he continued, and Rachel felt her heart melting. "You love to kick for your daddy, we just have to wait a few minutes for Mama to get dressed. Daddy can't wait to give you all the attention you want out there."  
  
"You're such a good dad," Rachel told him, ruffling his hair as she slipped on the sweatpants that she had loved to sleep in while Finn was deployed, topping off the effect with one of his McKinley sweatshirts. "Is this better?" Finn looked her up and down, before nodding.   
  
"I love when you're in my clothes," Finn told her. "It's a turn on for me."  
  
  
***  
  
Rachel kissed him hungrily in response to his confession, her bump pressed firmly against him, not visible through his hoodie, but, he knew it was there. Finn threaded his hands through her hair, deepening her kisses, liking the reaction he was getting from her.   
  
"Babe," he mumbled, his breath hot against her skin. "Babe, you're turning me on."  
  
Rachel giggled, her nose crinkling up. "I know," she said, snuggling up to him. "Don't you think I like that?" She asked, kissing him again. "I'm your wife, I love turning you on."   
  
He felt himself flush, sure he was turning a bright red. How he was turning a bright red, he wasn't sure, since most of his blood was being diverted to points south, but he was definitely sure he was. Rachel was rarely so forward, not sexually, at least. But lately -- with the pregnancy -- she had been so into him. And she hadn't been shy about letting him know. Finn shifted uncomfortably, his dick straining against the zipper of his pants.   
  
"My mom -- " he attempted to remind her. Finn really did not want Carole to walk in on them. "Babe, we..."  
  
Rachel's small hands had found their way to his pants, and he bit back a moan as she deftly unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, tugging them and his boxers halfway down, before delicately -- and carefully -- lowering herself to her knees.   
  
"What do you say to a blow job?" She asked him throatily, wrapping her fingers around his erection and lazily pumping it. Finn's eyes went wide, and he managed to nod. Hell yes, he wanted a blow job. "Finn? What do you say?"  
  
She drew her hands away, eying him expectantly. "Yeah," he managed to breathe. "I'd love one."  
  
Rachel's tongue darted out and licked at the head of his penis, before she ran it down his entire shaft, the action causing him to harden even more. He let out a moan, thrusting into her as she took his entire cock in her mouth, her hand slowly massaging his balls as she deep throated him. Finn twisted his fingers in her hair. "Babe, fuck," he murmured, feeling like he was about to explode right then. He moaned softly, thrusting into her mouth, one hand clutching the comforter in an attempt to stay upright. The other was still in Rachel's hair. "Rach, Rach, babe-" He trailed off, incoherent sounds of pleasure leaving his lips as he came, sooner than he'd wanted to, breathing heavily as Rachel swallowed, before she pulled slowly away.   
  
"You feel better?" Rachel asked, pecking a kiss on his check. He nodded, still catching his breath. "Good," she said.   
  
"You feeling okay?" Finn asked, helping her stand up. His fingers brushed against her bump, feeling the baby move in response. "Someone's saying hey there." He readjusted himself, trying to look presentable, before placing his hand back on the baby's favorite spot to kick. "Hey babygirl," he trilled. "Wanna put on a show for Grandma?"  
  
She kicked -- hard -- in response. Finn beamed. Rachel giggled. "I'm fine," she said, and he let her tuck herself under his arm, "and you know she does."


	30. blame it on the b-a-b-a-b-a-b-y

"Do you want to carry me?" Rachel asked Finn cautiously, hoping that the answer was yes but not wanting to pressure him or hurt his knee further. "Just out to the living room."

 

She felt him press a kiss to her hair, before he picked her up in one swoop, burying his head against her middle. Apparently, the answer to Rachel's question was yes. Bumble Bee certainly agreed with her father's plan, wriggling excitedly in response to the raspberries Finn was giving her sensitive skin. 

 

She was unbelievably ticklish. 

 

"You don't have to ask," he said, once she regained her composure and he drew away from her belly to do things like breathing. "I will always carry you. No matter what."

 

Rachel beamed. "You're sweet," she told him, looping her arms around his neck as he carefully cradled her in his arms, a look of concentration on his face. "Seriously, you're the sweetest guy."

 

"I try real hard," he murmured. "I think I made her happy."

 

"You did," she promised. "And I'm gonna sit on your lap the entire time," she continued, petting Finn's hair as they slowly walked down the hallway.  "And I want you to squeeze my hand if you need to leave, okay?" 

 

"What will you do?" He asked, his tone barely above silent.

 

"I will make up a pregnancy thing," she declared. "We will blame it on the baby."

 

Much to Rachel's shock, Finn let out a quiet chuckle. His head dipped lower so he could kiss her on the temple. 

 

"Blame it on the b-a-b-a-b-a-b-y?" He teased, flashing a toothy grin at her. "Like back in high school? At that assembly?"

 

It figured that Finn's return to musical amusement would be at Rachel's expense. That high school assembly was burned into Rachel's mind under _humiliating public perfomances_. She had yet to entirely forgive herself for it. But the fact that Finn looked so proud and had actually sang, even if it was just the two of them and a joke? Well, that trumped Rachel's non-amusement. 

 

"Oh!" She exclaimed, as the baby kicked her in the ribs. "She's fiesty," she explained to him. "She liked your little song just now."

 

"Good," he said. "I liked it too." 

 

"Yes," she agreed. "We will blame it on the b-a-b-a-b-a-b-y." Finn chuckled louder, and she beamed. "You're just going to be my concerned husband and her concerned father."

 

"I really love her, Rach," he said. "I don't know what I would do without the two of you."


	31. semi-public dirty talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn nodded. "Fuck yeah. I'll fuck that baby out of you," he said. "It will be fun."

"You don't have to ever worry about that," Rachel assured Finn, and he choked back the growing lump in his throat at the look in her eyes. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. "We're never going to leave you, I promise."

 

"Thanks, baby," he said, tightening his hold on her. "I'll never leave the two of you." Finn felt that that was a promise he could keep. Rachel and their baby on the way were the only things in his life that didn't scare the hell out of him. He was confident in his ability to be a good father, a good husband. And he was excited that he got to be there. With them. The entire amount of time.

 

"I know," she said. "I promise, if you need to leave, we'll go." 

 

He let out a sigh. "I just...I don't know what I need," he admitted. "I'm really upset and I'm really confused and I just want to hide and not deal with things. But I know that we can't do that. And he really hurt my feelings."

 

"I know he did."

 

Finn was stalling, or at least trying to, but he _was_ carrying his almost-five-months pregnant wife, and he suspected that she wasn't really a fan of being pointlessly held in the air. 

 

"Hey, you know something cool?" He said, trying to distract himself from the fact that they were entering the living room, where he was reasonably sure his doom did not actually lay in wait. 

 

Rachel wrinkled her nose, before shaking her head. Encouraged, he continued on. 

 

"The baby is the size of an artichoke," he informed her. "I got this app and it tells me all sorts of cool facts about our Bumble Bee. It's so awesome. Every day it gives me more information."

 

"Will you show me?" 

 

"Yeah, of course." 

 

He sank down on the couch, gently positioning her beside him, pleasantly surprised when she climbed into his lap, drawing a blanket over them. Finn grinned down at her, resting his hand on her side. He could see his mother talking to Brittany in the kitchen, and he secretly -- okay, not so secretly -- hoped that she would make some food for him. And probably Rachel. Rachel was like hungry all the time now, almost as much as he was. Finn thought that was so awesome.

 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and went to the app, excited to show Rachel his most favorite thing on the device. 

 

"I downloaded it when you told me," he said, lightly stroking her bump as he did. "It was so cool, it made me feel like I was part of everything, even when I was so far away."

 

"This is so sweet," his wife breathed. "You were always a part of everything," she added, and he gave her a cocky grin.

 

"Duh," he murmured. "I'm like _permanently_ with you until she decides to meet us." To the untrained eye, it looked like Finn was whispering sweet nothings to his adorably preggers wife, but he was not above some semi-public dirty talk. _Especially_ with the blanket covering them. He could get a woody and no one would even be able to tell. "You know what'll help with that?" He continued, his tone a casual whisper, though he dipped his fingers under the waistband of her sweatpants as he did. "Multiple orgasms."

 

"And you're going to help with that?" Rachel asked, eyes filled with amusement. 

 

Finn nodded. "Fuck yeah. I'll fuck that baby out of you," he said. "It will be fun." 

 

His fingers dipped lower, as she made a content sound. 

 

"It sounds fun," she whispered, squeezing his hand. "That sounds pretty awesome, actually." 

 

He licked his lips. "You're the awesome one, babe." 

 


	32. matter of instinct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And am I really selfish?" He continued. "I mean, maybe he's right and I shouldn't have joined the Marines and tried to reverse my dad's discharge," he sighed. "I just wish that I had known that I was being selfish before, because I didn't mean to be. He's my dad, Rach. I had to try, to at least see if I could."

Rachel felt herself flush, sure her face was turning a shade of crimson, and she laid her head on Finn's chest, the familiar sound of his heartbeat pleasing to her. She tugged the blanket tighter, wondering if she was imagining the chill in the loft or if it actually _was_ cold. Finn was warm though. 

 

Her husband's body felt like a furnace compared to Rachel's, and she was content to use him a source of heat, even if doing so made her like a lizard. As if he knew that she was cold, Finn wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tightly, but not as tight as he would have before she was pregnant. 

 

"Love you," he said, his voice low in her ear, and she smiled up at him. "I love you both."

 

"We love you too," she promised, trying not to purr as his hands ran up and down her back. "I'm really glad that you're here," she continued. 

 

Rachel had always hated that Finn was in the military, whether she wanted to admit it or not, and to say that she had feared that an injury or something along those lines would happen was not at all putting it mildly. Still, she had known how important being in the armed forces was to him -- from wanting to clear his father's name, to wanting to be a good husband, to wanting to provide for her and their suddenly growing family -- and she had kept quiet. There honestly hadn't been a point in complaining about something that made Finn happy. And the Marines _had_ made Finn happy. Rachel had known how proud he was to do something that mattered. 

 

"Do you think what Kurt said is true?" He asked, his tone sounding resigned. "It's just...Rachel, I have tried so hard not to be that person anymore. I thought we were past one comment that I made in _high school_."

 

Rachel had too. Unfortunately, Rachel also knew Kurt, and she knew how vindictive he could be. 

 

"Finn -- "

 

"And am I really selfish?" He continued. "I mean, maybe he's right and I shouldn't have joined the Marines and tried to reverse my dad's discharge," he sighed. "I just wish that I had known that I was being selfish before, because I didn't mean to be. He's my _dad_ , Rach. I had to try, to at least see if I could."

 

 

***

 

 

"Kurt said _what_?" Carole found herself asking Finn and Rachel, her tone a bit louder than she intended due to her disbelief. "Kurt told you that you were _selfish_ for wanting to reverse your father's dishonorable discharge?"

 

What she had heard from their conversation -- and she _really_ hadn't intended to -- had made her livid. It was one thing for Kurt to be upset that Finn wanted him to eat, it was another thing entirely for Kurt to be saying those things about Christopher. As if Kurt had _any_ idea what Chris had tried to do for them, how _hard_ he had tried to get better...the fact that her stepson was badmouthing her first husband -- _Finn's father_ \-- had Carole seeing red. 

 

"You weren't selfish for wanting that, Finn," she told him. "Anyone would have wanted to try."

 

"I'm so sorry I couldn't, Mom," Finn said in response. "I guess I just suck."

 

"You don't suck, Finn," Carole insisted, sitting down on the couch beside him and Rachel, and she ruffled his hair tenderly. "Sometimes we try our best and things don't work out." 

 

"Your father would be so proud of you," she assured him. "He loved you so much." She kissed Finn on the forehead. "He really did."

 

"I know, Ma," he said. "I just...I would never say those things about Kurt's mom. So it really hurt me." Finn paused. "You really think he'd be proud of me?"

 

"Of course."

 

"That's so awesome," he said, quirking a grin in her direction. 

 


	33. american soldier

“I don’t want you to think that your father wouldn’t be proud of you,” Carole told Finn, her tone serious, as she sat down on the couch beside him and Rachel. “Finn, your father loved you,” she insisted, talking his hands in hers. “I really wish that you could remember him, because I  _ know _ how much he loved you. Some days I think that you were the only reason he had to even  _ attempt _ sobriety.” 

 

“Your father was a good man,” she said. “He tried really hard, Finn, I know he did. It was just...it was  _ hard _ for him. Coming back was  _ hard _ . I don’t know what he saw over there, I mean, he never wanted me to know, but I don’t think he  _ meant _ to get addicted.” She sighed. “He was in a lot of pain, honey.” Carole shook her head. “It might have been mostly emotional pain, but there was physical pain, too.” 

 

She sighed once more. “He didn’t have what you had,” she admitted. “You had support from the military, they didn’t send you back, they’re not  _ going _ to send you back. They  _ gave you an honorable discharge _ . The Marines made your father feel like he was a failure because he couldn’t hack it overseas. Deployment after deployment…” She shook her head. “I probably failed him too. I don’t have any excuse for my failing him.”

 

“I won’t have Kurt thinking he can go around bad mouthing your father, though,” she said, through gritted teeth. “That behavior of his is absolutely reprehensible.”

 

“I don’t know what that means,” Finn said. “Reprehensible, I mean. I understood the stuff about Dad and everything.”

 

“Out of line,” she elaborated. “How would he feel if you started making fun of his mother?” 

 

Finn shrugged. “I don’t think I would. I mean, she’s his mom.”

 

“I  _ understand _ that,” she said. “My point is that it would likely upset him if you were to do so.”

 

The silence filled the room, rather uncomfortably. It wasn’t often that she had experienced silence around either Rachel or Finn. It was rather strange. “I don’t think that you failed Dad,” he said after a moment. “I know that you probably do, but I think you did alright. You had me to think of.”

 

“I still wish you’d been able to know him,” she admitted, leaning back against the couch, feeling rather emotionally exhausted. “You remind me of him,” she added. “Every day.” She blinked back the tears that threatened to fall, allowing Finn to loop his arm around her shoulders. “He’s proud of you, honey, I promise. I don’t want you to ever doubt that.”

 

“I know, Mom.” Finn brushed a kiss against her cheek. Carole relaxed incrementally. “I’m just tired of it.”

 

“Tired of what?” 

 

“Every time Kurt does something wrong he tries to magically twist it around so it’s my fault,” he said after a moment, and she noticed his fists clench. “He did it when we were in high school together and he’s still doing it now. How many times do I have to apologize for what I said to him in the basement?”

 

“I...I didn’t know.” Carole was frankly a bit flabbergasted. 

 

“I know,” he said, his tone gentle. “It just...I know no one wanted me to join the Marines,” he said softly. “I just...I needed to make sure that I could have a foundation for a good life for Rachel and me. The Marines was a better way of doing that than what, waiting tables? Seeing if maybe there was a garage here that would hire me? Making Rachel waste time in Lima while I worked at the garage there? Yeah, I wanted to do right by Dad and try to see what they said about the discharge but it wasn’t the only reason I enlisted.”

 

“I know, Finn.” 

 

“I just…” Finn trailed off. “I’m sorry, Mom. I shouldn’t have called you and asked you to come. I didn’t think it would cause this much trouble. Honest.”

 

“You don’t have to apologize,” she said. “You’re not the one causing the trouble.”

 

It wasn’t as if Kurt’s penchant for drama wasn’t without precedent, Carole reminded herself, trying to hide the majority of her irritation so that it wouldn’t be obvious to either Rachel or Finn. Burt tended to do nothing to discourage Kurt’s general Kurt-centric attitude, which she understood to an extent, having struggled with being a single parent herself. Kurt, however, had a knack for taking his freedoms to ridiculous heights. She would have never let Finn get away with the things Kurt did, and, she had mentioned to Burt more than once that Kurt’s behavior could turn problematic. Clearly her foresight was not without merit. 

 

“I feel like --”

 

“You’re  _ not _ ,” she stressed. “I would tell you if you were. Okay?”

 

Finn shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”


	34. we were just kids when we

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sad thing was that Finn did want to meet Drizzle, even though there was a part of him that was unbelievably mad that Drizzle had existed for as long as she had and yet there was Finn finally getting the chance to ‘meet’ her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt 'young' in LuxKen27's 2018 Summer Mini Challenge.

“You want me to do  _ what _ with you?” Finn demanded of Quinn, crossing his arms across his chest. “No  _ way _ , Quinn. Absolutely not.”

 

Kurt had left the loft earlier that day, throwing apologies that Finn was  _ sure _ his so called brother didn’t mean in the slightest given the tone of them in in his general direction, and, with Rachel gone to school and Santana and Brittany who knows where, Finn thought that he might have had some quality time alone to brood. He hadn’t expected to open the door to the loft several minutes prior to find Quinn standing there, an expectant expression on her face, and a request immediately leaving her lips. 

 

“I didn’t think it was that ridiculous a request,” Quinn said, standing in the entrance to the loft, surveying Finn with an inquisitive gaze. “Shelby said that I could visit her as long as I was supervised,” she repeated. “I thought you would like to meet her.”

 

The sad thing was that Finn  _ did _ want to meet Drizzle, even though there was a part of him that was unbelievably mad that Drizzle had existed for as long as she had and yet there was Finn  _ finally _ getting the chance to ‘meet’ her. 

 

“Why?” Finn heard himself ask, unable to voice the refusal that immediately came to mind. “I don’t get it.” Quinn pursed her lips, and he wondered what exactly had been the wrong thing to say in that statement. “It’s not like she knows me or anything.”

 

“Because, I thought…that you might want to,” she said in response, her voice soft. He had to strain to hear it. “Noah isn’t allowed to see her, and I can’t see her alone, and I thought...she was your Drizzle.”

 

Quinn looked so sad, disappointed, even, and Finn found himself feeling quite guilty indeed. He didn’t know that Puck wasn’t allowed to see little Drizzle, but he supposed it wouldn’t be right if he told Quinn he didn’t want to meet her or whatever. What if she couldn’t find anyone else? Hadn’t he let down enough people? In pretty much whatever he’d done lately? He’d certainly let down Drizzle. Beth. Whatever her name was. 

 

“Yeah,” he said, eying the ground. “Yeah, I’ll go, I’ll go see Drizzle with you.”

 

“Today?” Quinn asked. 

 

He shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, I guess, if you wanna see her today,” he offered. “I don’t know what we’d be able to do…” He shrugged. 

 

It had been a long couple of days. His mother had left, Kurt in tow, but not after three solid days of the silent treatment alternated by passive aggressive behavior. It had made Finn sink into a solid funk, and he had planned to spend the day on the couch watching daytime TV until Quinn had shown up, demanding he go to Shelby’s with her to see the little girl that he had thought was his for those few short months five years ago. It wasn’t like Finn didn’t  _ want _ to meet Beth. He  _ did _ . He just...if Beth even knew who he was she would just be let down by the person he had become. And Finn knew that, so why didn’t Quinn? The blonde was practically glaring at him, and Finn wondered if Quinn was actually capable of reading minds. 

 

“I don’t understand you,” Quinn said. “I thought you’d want to meet her, to get to know her,” she continued. “You’re acting like you don’t. Is it because of the baby?”

 

He shook his head, letting his hair fall into his eyes. 

 

“I don’t want the baby to see me like this either,” Finn admitted. “Look at me. Drizzle is going to think that I’m some sort of loser and so is my Bumblebee.”

 

“She won’t think that,” she told him. “Finn, it’s going to be okay. Beth won’t care that you’re on crutches because of your knee and you’re not a loser. I promise.”

 

“Why isn’t he allowed to see her?” Finn asked. “Not that I disagree, I just don’t understand.”

 

Finn would  _ never _ understand Puck’s attitude towards Drizzle, or Quinn, for that matter. Truthfully, the fact that Quinn had actually tried to have a  _ relationship _ with Noah Puckerman more than once made Finn a little nauseated if he thought about it too long. He thought that Quinn deserved better than him. But he didn’t understand why he was  _ banned _ from seeing the preschooler. Especially if Shelby was letting Finn go visit her with Quinn. His self esteem existed to the extent that he liked himself more than he liked Puck, but he was still wary of the development that had occurred. 

 

“Shelby doesn’t think that he’s very appropriate,” Quinn said. “The older women, the sex for money...I haven’t heard from him in awhile,” she added. “I don’t think he really cares.”

 

“I always cared about her,” he admitted. “I could accept that I wasn’t her dad, and that she wasn’t ever gonna love me, I could accept that it was better for her to live with Rachel’s egg donor instead of with you...I still cared about her, though. Even though it’s stupid to. I mean...what am I to her? It wasn’t a real question, Q. Don’t answer it.”

 

Finn knew that he was nothing to little Drizzle (she wasn’t his kid, he hadn’t been good enough, she deserved better than him, we’re not going to name her anything) and he didn’t want Quinn lying to him and saying that he was something to her, that she knew who he was, that he was anything more than a friend of her biological mother, who was married to her sister that wasn’t her sister (and Finn didn’t even know if Beth  _ knew  _ about Rachel). There was nothing the blonde could say that would convince him that Drizzle loved him, that...he’d go, whatever. He wasn’t going to be a dick and say no Quinn, I won’t go with you to see her. That was like him saying no Drizzle, I won’t let you spend time with your mom. 

  
  


“It’s not stupid, Finn,” she said. “I don’t know why you think that Beth will think you are this horrible person, but she is not going to and this defeatist attitude of yours is quickly growing old. I  _ am _ sorry that Kurt said those things to you, but you should know better than to listen to him.”

 

“I’ve never met her,” he mumbled. “I saw her once, for like...a long time when you had her, but she didn’t see me and I didn’t want to ask you if I could...hold her or anything. Puck told me no so I just didn’t bother...and now she’s all  _ big  _ and…”

 

“Puck did  _ what _ ?” 

  
  


***

  
  


“I told you, he said I couldn’t see her,” Finn repeated, shrugging his shoulders, while Quinn felt her blood pressure start to rise to dangerous levels. “I really wanted to, but I just thought that you and Drizzle didn’t want me around. I didn’t blame either of you, really.”

 

“That’s  _ not _ true,” Quinn said, trying to modulate her tone. Upsetting Finn would add nothing resembling positive to the situation. “Beth would have loved to meet you, and I want to strangle him.” 

 

“He lied to me?”

 

“Yes!” She exclaimed. “Finn, I pretended you were her father for months on end, why  _ wouldn’t _ I have wanted you to meet her? Did you ever wonder why I did that? I did it for  _ her _ . She deserved better than Noah Puckerman as her  _ father _ , she deserved  _ you _ .”

 

“I didn’t realize,” he murmured. “I just...I didn’t know.”   
  


Quinn drew in a deep breath. It wasn’t Finn’s fault that Noah Puckerman was a moron, and it wasn’t Finn’s fault that they had just been stupid kids, that was  _ why _ they had given Beth up for adoption.

 

“I know you didn’t,” she said. “I’m so  _ sorry _ .”

 

“For what?” Finn asked. “It’s okay, Q. I knew she wasn’t mine...I didn’t want to cause a scene...we were  _ kids _ . I really loved her. But she was a baby. What the hell could we have done with her?”

 

She gaped at him.

 

“What?”

 

“I know that we weren’t ready,” he said. “She was so little. I didn’t want her to be a...she was better off. You were right when you said that we couldn’t raise her. But...I want to meet her. It makes me sad that she doesn’t know me, but I want her to know me now. Even if I think that I’m a loser, maybe she won’t. And...Rach says that Bumblebee won’t think I’m a loser. I don’t really think so, but she thinks I’m too hard on myself.”

 

“You’re not a loser,” she insisted. “You could have  _ died _ , Finn. We were all really worried.”

 

“Beth doesn’t know that.” He shook his head. “She’s gonna look at my knee and…”

 

“She won’t care,” Quinn said. “She’ll just be happy you wanted to play with her.” 


	35. i was enough for her, not long ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I said she was better off because she would have had a life free of Puck,” Quinn admitted. “I just didn’t want to tell you because...you hated me when Rachel told you the truth about Beth. I didn’t want you to hate her, Finn,” she said. “I didn’t care that you hated me but I wanted Beth to still have a chance to get to know you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the 'actually' prompt for LuxKen27's 2018 Summer Mini Challenge

“I used to think about her,” Finn said softly, sitting beside Quinn in the taxi cab she had hailed for the two of them. “I used to think about how maybe she would know who I was, how...even though she would hate me for not having things together enough to be her father, she might...want to know me someday.” He shook his head. “I knew that I wasn’t good enough for her, that was always made clear to me, but I thought when she was older she would try to find us.” He shrugged. “Wasn’t that a crock of shit?”   
  


“What are you talking about?” Quinn said. He glanced over at her, 

 

“The baby,” he muttered. “The kid, whatever Drizzle is now. When she was mine I thought about her all the time.”

 

Quinn wondered if seeing Beth was actually too much for Finn to handle, rather than her uncharitable thoughts about him just not wanting to leave the loft and trudge into Manhattan with her to fix her screwups. She had assumed he had just not wanted to leave home on the cold day, but she seriously was questioning her judgment. 

 

“We would have been able to see her,” she said, trying to keep her tone gentle. “If you had been her father, I might have pushed for an open adoption, you were never the one that I wanted to keep her away from.” 

 

“Oh, I’m sure Drizzle would have  _ loved _ that. Being reduced to letters and maybe pictures and  _ maybe _ , if we were lucky, Drizzle would have wanted that, would have wanted to have us in her life. It would have been shitty for her.”

 

“Why would it have been?” Quinn asked. 

 

“You said that she was better off,” he said. “You said she deserved better no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried. I  _ wanted _ to be her dad because I loved her. I just didn’t know how to be a dad because I never had one,” he continued. Quinn wisely elected to listen to him ramble. “I still don’t know how to be a dad.”

 

“I said she was better off because she would have had a life free of Puck,” Quinn admitted. “I just didn’t want to tell you because...you hated me when Rachel told you the truth about Beth. I didn’t want you to hate her, Finn,” she said. “I didn’t care that you hated me but I wanted Beth to still have a chance to get to know you.”

 

“I didn’t hate you,” he said. “I don’t know how I felt about you.” He cleared his throat. “But, Puck made it clear to me that Drizzle had picked him over me. Which upon some reflection was stupid to believe because she was only a newborn, but what was I supposed to think? Who wouldn’t like their father more than their mother’s stupid ass boyfriend who thought that he’d conceived her in a hot tub?” 

 

To say that Quinn was growing more wearied the more Finn’s self-loathing became more and more obviously due to Noah’s purposeful actions was putting her current feelings mildly. She was unamused with this development, and she wished that Finn had said anything at all to her about it at any point over the past six years. 

 

“Beth would not have picked sides as a newborn,” she said. “She would have been glad to have met you and I would have made sure that my mother had taken a photograph of the two of you, because I would have let you hold her.”

 

“What is she going to think of me now?” Finn said. “She’s a kid. She’s going to wonder who I am and why I’ve never met her, and she is not going to like any of my excuses.”

 

“She knows who you are,” Quinn confessed. “Well, not about the fact that you thought she was yours, but she knows that you...she’s met Rachel, okay?”

 

“What?” Finn asked.

 

“Rachel usually goes with me to see her,” she elaborated. “She...Noah got himself arrested and you were deployed and Shelby didn’t want...I don’t blame Shelby, Finn, I haven’t exactly made the best choices...Rachel agreed that she would visit Beth with me. And Rachel has told Beth about you, that you’re her husband and that we’re...friends.” Quinn continued to speak. “I gave Beth your baby blanket,” she added. “You really wanted her to have it, and I figured that you wouldn’t mind, and --”

 

“It’s cool,” he said. “I did want her to have it, you don’t have to explain.”

 

“No, it’s sweet,” she insisted. “She reminds me of you, actually.” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“She carries it everywhere with her,” Quinn said. “She hates to be without it.”

 

For a brief, fleeting, moment, Finn looked like the teenage boy Quinn had fallen in love with. She caught a flash of his dimples, the grin quirked in her direction. 

 

“I loved that blanket,” he said. “I took it everywhere with me.”

 

***

 

Finn had to admit that he felt like the world’s biggest coward, but meeting Beth was probably one of if not _the_ scariest thing he’d experienced in his life. This fact was particularly impressive given the events that had led to him being sent home from the Marines, but, well, that had been another day at work for him, and this -- this -- this was meeting the little girl that he had spent months thinking was _his_ _daughter_. Finn felt bad for little Drizzle. It had to suck that her biological mother had to be _supervised_ when she saw her and Finn thought that being Puck’s biological child had to completely suck. He thought the little girl was probably better off without Puck in her life. But, still. 

 

“Do you think she’ll like me?” Finn asked for what felt like the millionth time. It was nice that Quinn thought Beth might like him, but he wasn’t sure if it was true or not. 

 

“Of course,” she said. “Why wouldn’t she like you? You’re you.”   
  


Before he could ask again, Quinn was buzzing the intercom to get let into Shelby’s building, and she was unceremoniously dragging Finn upstairs, practically by the ear. The effect was the same, anyways. 

 

“It will be fine,” she insisted, while they stood in front of the apartment’s door, and he blanched somewhat at the sounds of a child -- not a child,  _ Drizzle _ \-- chattering eagerly in the background. “I promise, she will be happy to see you.”

 

“Ok-- _ oh _ ,” Finn said, trailing off when the door swung open to show both Ms. Corcoran and a tiny blonde girl, who barrelled out into the hallway and wrapped her arms around Quinn. “Hey,” he breathed, addressing Drizzlebeth herself, wishing he could kneel down to her level. “Hi, Beth.”   
  


Calling little Drizzle Beth did hurt Finn a little bit, but the grin the little girl shot him brightened his mood. 

 

“Hi,” she said in response, looking up at him with blue eyes that matched Quinn’s. “Hi, Finn. Mommy says you and Mama are gonna play with me?”

 

“Uh, yeah,” he settled on, trying not to let her calling him Finn crush him entirely. It wasn’t Beth’s fault he wasn’t her anything. “Of course we’re gonna play with you.” Finn had barely gotten the sentence out before he felt the preschooler wrap herself around him. “Is that...okay?” He gestured to Beth, thoroughly confused by the train of events. “She’s hugging me.”

 

“It’s fine,” Shelby told him. “Rachel has told her about you, hasn’t she, Bethie?”

 

Drizzle nodded, tugging hopefully at Finn’s hand, clearly angling for him to pick her up. 

 

“You know Rachel?” Finn asked her, carefully scooping her up. “Rach’s my wife,” he added. “She’s your…”

 

“Sissy,” Beth supplied. “Rachie’s my sissy.”

 

“Yeah,” he agreed, bouncing her carefully. “She’s your big sissy.”   
  


Drizzle giggled. “You’re Finn McGeeGee.” The look Quinn shot Finn was one of apology, but he shot her a half smile, before focusing his attention on the little girl. 

 

“You can call me that,” he told her. “If you want, call me whatever you want.” He held her tightly as they followed Shelby into the apartment, the lump in his throat easing somewhat as Beth chattered happily in his ear about whatever six year olds thought was cool nowadays. He didn’t even pretend to have a half clue what she was saying, but he nodded his head in agreement in what he thought would be the right places. He spotted his old blanket on the couch that was in the living room, and he impulsively kissed Beth on the top of the head, depositing her on the couch beside it. “This was mine, you know,” he told her. “My dad gave it to me when I was a baby.”

 

“I know,” she said. “Mama said you gave it to me when I was in her tummy.”

 

“Yeah, I did,” he said. “I wanted you to have it.” 

 

He dared to join Beth on the couch, noticing the eerily similar to Quinn gaze she appeared to have perfected. It was vaguely terrifying, even from a child. 

 

“Does Bumblebee get a blankie?” Beth asked. 

 

“She will.” He made a concentrated effort to not look directly at anyone while he forced the offer out of his mouth. “Maybe if it’s alright with your mom you could help me find her one,” he said. “I haven’t gotten her one yet, but I bet she’d think it was super awesome for her aunt to help pick it out?”

 

Super awesome was not an accurate description for how Finn felt about this situation, but he sensed ‘emotionally traumatic’ wasn’t the appropriate way to describe it to Drizzle. For some reason, she seemed to  _ like _ him and it seemed like she was excited to see him, even if he wanted to alternate between bursting into tears and tracking Puckerman down and punching him out for his manipulations regarding the little girl who had taken it upon herself to curl up against him, tucking his old blanket around them both. He relaxed somewhat when he realized that Quinn and Shelby were smiling at the two of them, rather than eying the scene with revulsion. 

 

“I want to,” she declared. 

 

“Okay,” he said. “That’d be cool.” 

 

“Will you and Mama color with me?” 

 

“Sure,” he said. “If she wants to?” 

 

“She got me a new coloring book last time she came,” Drizzle told him. “Kitties and puppies.”


	36. when you're not strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shelby asked me if I thought you would want her to visit,” Quinn said after a very long moment of silence. “You were...really bad, Finn. I know you don’t remember but it was terrifying for us...and I thought that you might like a visit from Beth.”

“Kitties and puppies?” Finn repeated, his tone developing what Quinn viewed as false bravado, but that Beth was clearly taking as excitement and that she herself was going to let slide, given the unexpected magnitude of the situation she had accidentally inflicted upon him. “I’d love to color those with you. They’re awesome.”

 

Beth scampered off in the direction of her room, and Quinn let out a nervous sigh. Finn glanced at her, his gaze questioning, and she opened her mouth to speak, planning on offering him an out. 

 

“You okay?” Finn asked her, keeping his tone low, obviously trying to respect the fact that Beth and Shelby were present in the apartment. “With seeing her and everything? It has to be hard on you.”

 

“It’s fine,” she demurred. “This is more than I deserve.”

 

Quinn was never really going to be fine with what had happened with Beth, the whole debacle with Finn and Noah had really taken a toll on the blonde’s mental health, not that she ever wanted to admit that to Finn. She didn’t entirely think that she deserved to see Beth at all, and if Shelby hadn’t insisted that the younger girl had wanted to have a relationship with her, she would have never pushed for one. But Beth had wanted to get to know her, so Quinn had agreed, parameters on their interactions and relationship and all. Just because Beth was the sum of all of Quinn’s regrets and failures didn’t mean she was going to take it out on her. 

 

“Ha,” Finn said, his laugh sounding quite bitter. “You sound like me.”

 

“What do you mean by that?” Quinn sensed that the comment meant nothing good. 

 

“Rachel says that I don’t have to be okay all the time,” he said, shrugging. “You don’t have to be okay all the time either.”

 

She was about to make a rebuttal when Beth returned to the room, art supplies and coloring books in tow. The look that she gave Finn made it clear that they were going to discuss this later. 

 

“Will you both color with me?” The five year old asked. “Pretty please?”   
  
“Of course,” Quinn said. “We’d love to. Wouldn’t we, Finn?”   
  


“Yeah,” he said, nodding in agreement. “I want to.”

  
  


***

 

“Want a smoke?” Finn asked Quinn after they left Shelby’s apartment, brandishing the back of cigarettes in her direction once they were out of Drizzle’s field of sight. “Rach hates it,” he sighed, “she says it will ruin my voice, but I don’t smoke around her or the loft and I’ll never do it around Bumblebee, so she’s pretty much given up.”

 

Quinn wordlessly accepted the cigarette. 

 

“I’m sorry about what I said,” he continued. “I just...you looked so sad and it was hard on me to see her so I wasn’t sure…”

 

“Don’t be sorry.”

 

“Can I ask you something?” Finn said. “Drizzle…Shelby came by to see Rachel when I first came home, when I was in the hospital...you don’t know if she brought her with her, do you?”

 

Quinn  _ did _ know the answer to Finn’s question, and she wasn’t sure if it was an answer that the taller man would be particularly thrilled with. The truth was that Shelby had come to see Rachel and had intended to leave Beth in the waiting room with Quinn while she came to support her daughter, but had ended up asking Quinn if a visit from the little girl would boost Finn’s spirits. Quinn had been hesitant - she wasn’t sure that visiting Finn would be good for either of them - but she had caved when Finn himself had asked after the kindergartener. She had been somewhat concerned that her ex-boyfriend had suffered severe memory loss and she would have to crush his dreams of being Beth’s dad once more, but he had manage to produce the fact that Shelby had adopted her, so, despite Quinn’s feelings of nervousness, she had gone along with Shelby’s idea. 

 

“Shelby asked me if I thought you would want her to visit,” Quinn said after a very long moment of silence. “You were...really bad, Finn. I know you don’t remember but it was  _ terrifying  _ for us...and I thought that you might like a visit from Beth.”

 

“I don’t remember it,” he said honestly. “Did I?”

 

“Well she brought your blanket with her and your mother cried,” Quinn said. “Finn, did you not tell your mother that you wanted her to have that blanket? Beth was very curious about you, and you invited her to watch cartoons with you...upon reflection I think you might have been on some potent medication, but I don’t think she noticed and you seemed happy with ‘your Drizzle’ being present.”

 

“I wanted Drizzle to have it,” he answered. “I didn’t want the only thing I could give her to be taken away because Mom was angry at what happened.” He sighed. “Great, so now Drizzle knows what a moron I am?”

 

“You’re not a moron,” Quinn said. “We told her that you were hurt but that you were going to be okay, nothing specific was ever said.” 

 

“Still…”

 

“Listen to me,” Quinn commanded. “You were honorably discharged from the military, Finn. You may not have wanted this to be how your military career ended but you are alive and Rachel won’t have to explain to your daughter why you aren’t there for her growing up. Isn’t that what’s important? You’re not your father, Finn.”

 

“Kurt-“

 

“Don’t even start with me on Kurt,” she warned. The look in her eyes was truly frightening. “I have half a mind to go to Lima and give him what he deserves.”

 

“He knew that Drizzle wasn’t mine,” Finn said. “He knew for months and he never told me. And he threw Drizzle back in my face when we were fighting the other day.”

 

“ _ What _ ?”

 

“He said that I had already been stupid to go through an unplanned pregnancy once and had been “lucky enough to get out of it” so why would I do it again?” He lit another cigarette. “I don’t want you to think that I didn’t love Drizzle. I did. I wanted her to be mine so badly.”

 

“I’m not angry with  _ you _ ,” she said. “I know that you loved Beth,” she assured him. “Finn...you were the only one who even put in the  _ effort _ with her. With me. While I was pregnant. You took me in...you didn’t make me feel like I was a burden to you...you didn’t make me feel like  _ she _ was a burden to you. It’s Kurt that I am not happy with. My biological daughter shouldn’t be used as some sort of  _ weapon _ , regardless of what certain people were or weren’t to her.” Quinn pressed her lips together in a thin line. This had not amused her. “Not to mention, Kurt’s opinion on the child that you and Rachel are currently having is  _ not _ something that he needs to share with everyone, especially if it is just to be spiteful!”

 

She drew in a deep breath. “And, you are right,” she said. “He did know that Beth wasn’t yours for months. If it was that important to him that you knew he should have told you.”

 

“They all knew and that pissed me off,” he said. “But if Kurt was like in love with me or whatever why didn’t he just tell me? Rachel did.” 

 

“I have no clue.” She paused. “What were you fighting about?”

 

“Stupid bullshit,” was Finn’s response. “It’s dumb, Quinn, it was a dumb thing to fight over. It wasn’t worth him bringing up Drizzle.”

  
  


***

  
  


“You wanna see her nursery?” Finn asked Quinn hopefully when they arrived back at the loft. He couldn’t keep back his grin at the thought of showing off the nursery he had worked so hard on for little Bumblebee. Of course it wasn’t done yet, but he was still proud. “If it’s too hard for you, you don’t have to,” he assured her. “I’m just excited.”

 

“Of course I want to see it,” Quinn told him. “It’s okay to be excited, Finn, you’re going to be a dad.”   
  


“Do you really think Drizzle wants to help me get Bumble a blanket of her own?”

 

“Of course she does,” she said. “Beth loves Rachel, and she’s excited that she’s going to be an aunt...even though it’s weird for us, she doesn’t get that.”

 

“What did he do?” Finn asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. Finn hadn’t heard from Puck in several years. He had tried to keep in touch with him during Basic, but he’d been more concerned with keeping in touch with Rachel and his mom, especially after Burt had gotten sick. There had been no point in going home to Lima, really. It was easier for his mom and stepfather to visit him while he was home on leave in New York, and the majority of his friends lived there too. Or at least close enough to the city that they could travel to him. Plus, Finn had been married and marriage had matured him. Not dramatically so, but enough that he’d outmatured Puckerman years ago. 

 

“You’d be angry,” Quinn warned. 

 

“Don’t you think I should know?” Finn asked. “If it’s something that stops him from seeing Beth, and Rachel is also havin’ a girl…”

 

“I had to press charges against him,” she said flatly. “They weren’t wine coolers the last time. And, Finn? I’m not sure they were just wine coolers when it was Beth.”

 

“You’re pregnant?” Finn breathed. “He  _ roofied _ you?”

 

Quinn shook her head. “No, I got myself emergency contraception,” she said. “Yeah, he did. And it wasn’t just me. There were others.”

 

He clenched his fists. “You should have told me.”

 

“You were in  _ Kuwait _ , Finn,” she said. “What the hell would you have done?”

 

“Q,” he said, softly. “I would have been there for you, even though I was in Kuwait.”   
  


“Why? I was stupid.”

 

“You weren’t stupid,” he said. “I do all sorts of stupid things, Q, you’re not stupid. I promise.”

 

“That’s nice of you to say,” she said. “I just wish I believed you.”

 

“I don’t believe anyone when they talk me up either,” Finn admitted. “So, it’s cool. I get it.”

 

He really wanted to punch Puck out, but despite the desire he had to do so, he sensed this was an unwise course of action. Rachel would be unhappy he had used his fists, to say the least. Plus he didn’t want the brief chance to see little Beth taken away from him because he’d beaten the crap out of her biological father. 

 

“I was manipulated,” she muttered. “You would think that I would have known that what happened to me the first time wasn’t  _ normal _ , but apparently I missed that memo.”   
  
“You were a kid,” he said after a moment of silence. “We were stupid idiots, and...how would you have known? You were Quinn Fabray.”   
  


Finn heard the sound of sniffles. Quinn was crying. 

 

“You know that...what he did to you is on him, not you, Q,” he said. “You don’t deserve to shoulder the blame.”   
  


 


	37. tell me how i'm supposed to breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She’s not her father, Finn. Even if she has the name he wanted her to have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMC 2018 prompt "find"

“What’s this?” Rachel asked Finn, curiously eying the presence of a child’s drawing on their freezer door, having noticed it when she approached the freezer to grab her sorbet. She had been craving it the entire day, and was grateful indeed that her husband hadn’t been desperate enough to eat it. 

 

“Drizzle drew it for us,” Finn said, his tone quiet. “I saw her today. I went with Quinn.” 

 

“Beth drew us a picture?” She repeated. Finn nodded. “That was sweet of her.”

 

“I can take it down if you don’t want it there,” he said. “I just...I don’t know. It made me feel special. Like I mattered to her.” 

 

“No, I like it there,” she informed him. “You do matter to her,” she continued, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she took her snack out of the freezer, tucking the tub of sorbet under her arm. “Did you have fun?”

 

“It was nice to see her,” he said after a moment. “I wouldn’t really call it fun, Rach,” he added. “I mainly went so that Quinn wouldn’t have to cancel her visit with her. I couldn’t do that to Drizzle, no matter how much being around her made my stomach hurt. I guess she likes me, though.”

 

Rachel gave Finn a calculating gaze, worrying her lower lip as she did. She hadn’t expected his reaction to seeing Beth to be such a negative one, and she sort of regretted suggesting the idea to Quinn and Shelby in the first place. It was just that Rachel felt ridiculous having to hide the fact that she had developed a relationship with the little girl from Finn. She didn’t want to hide that she and Shelby were trying to get along and that her little...sister, she supposed, had taken a shine to her. 

 

“Do you want to see her again?” She asked, hesitantly. 

 

“It was weird,” he said. “But, whatever, Rach. Drizzle wanted to see me and she wants to spend time with me so...I can just deal. I’d never want Drizzle to think that I rejected her, again.” Finn ran his hands through his hair. “She was excited for Bumblebee, though, she told me that she’s going to be an auntie. So, we have that in common, because I am excited for Bumble, too.”

 

He pressed his lips to hers, kissing her gently. Rachel returned the kiss, taking his hand in hers.

 

“I know you’re excited,” Rachel assured him, pressing his hand against her bump. The baby was sleeping, but it was nice to have Finn’s hand there nonetheless. There was the possibility that she would wake up soon. She didn’t want him to miss it if she did. “If it’s too weird for you, I’ll talk to Shelby…”   
  


“Nah,” he said, quirking a grin at her. “It’s alright, I’m happy that you and Shelby are getting to know each other, and I’m happy that Beth wants to know me, even though she makes me sad sometimes. I’ll be okay, I promise. I’d never stop you from seeing them and I wouldn’t want to stop her from seeing me, since that’s what she wants. I never thought she’d want to after everything that happened.”

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“I was super mean to Quinn when I found out Puckerman was Drizzle’s dad and not me, and when Drizzle was born he told me that Drizzle hated me and that she didn’t want me to meet her or see her or anything, not even to say goodbye. I guess he was just being an ass but I thought he was telling the truth. Why  _ would _ she like me? I went with Quinn so she could see her, not because I thought Drizzle really wanted me to meet her.”

 

“Did she?”    
  


“Yeah, she was so pumped,” he said. “She called me Finn McGeeGee! And she has McGeeGee! I didn’t know what Quinn did with it but I’m glad she gave it to her, cos I really did want her to have it.”

 

Rachel was happy to hear the excitement in Finn’s voice. 

 

“Noah was wrong to say those things to you,” Rachel said firmly. “They weren’t true, and it was very wrong of him.”   
  
“Yeah, well, he’s an asshole,” Finn muttered. “Always has been and always will be. Drizzle’s better off being adopted because she never has to be let down by him ever again.”

 

“You know we don’t have to talk about this,” she assured him, running her hand down his arm. “It’s alright if you don’t want to.” Rachel knew that it was probably not the greatest thing for Finn’s mental health (ignoring the fact that the baby that he had thought was his was currently and permanently his wife’s younger sister), but she was willing to let its slide for the evening.    
  


“You think I’ll be a good dad, right?” He asked, as he stared down at her bump. “I mean, cos I’m so scared of sucking at it, Rach. I don’t know what to do with babies, hell, I barely knew what to do with her and she’s like a little person. I don’t want to screw up our daughter, like I would have screwed up Beth.”

 

“Cos. I know I would have screwed her up,” he said. “Her life would have been ruined had we kept her, and I wanted that more than anything, Rach. Quinn kept saying how that wasn’t what was best for her and I just wanted to be her dad, I didn’t care that we had nothing and that Quinn was right to not want to raise a baby with someone who was sleeping in a closet. And look at her. She’s not even allowed to see Beth without a  _ babysitter _ . So what good would we have done?”

 

“You’re not going to screw her up,” she said firmly, and she took his hands and pressed them down on her belly, hoping that the baby would kick for him. “It’s okay, Finn,” she promised. “I know that you wanted to be her dad. I’m sorry that you weren’t, because you would have been a good father to her, just like you will be to Bumblebee.” 

 

“You don’t know that,” he protested. 

 

“You said yourself that you wanted what was best for Beth,” she reminded him. “That you understood that she was better off without Noah in her life, even if it meant less involvement with everyone...you told me that you wanted to spend time with her even though it was hard for you to see her, because she wants to see you again. You’re taking her with you to buy the baby a blanket because you want to include her. Why do you think that makes you horrible?”

 

“Doesn’t it?”

 

“Of course not. I think it’s really great.”

 

“Everyone expected me to be happy that she wasn’t mine, that she wasn’t my responsibility anymore, no one cared that she wasn’t a  _ responsibility _ to me, she was  _ Drizzle _ . And then when Puck said that she hated me and that she never wanted to see me ever...it broke me. Especially when Shelby brought her back and I never got to even see a picture. I mean, we were dating, it would have been super wrong to ask your egg donor if I could meet your ...whatever Drizzle was to you at the time. I would have liked to see a picture, though.” 

 

“I know.” 

 

“It’s okay, Rach,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I get to know her now, she wants to know me even if she calls me Finn McGeeGee and not...what I wanted her to call me when she was really Drizzle. I just...that name reminds me of  _ him _ and really wish Shelby had changed it. I would call her by her middle name if I had any idea what it was.”

 

“She’s not her father, Finn. Even if she has the name he wanted her to have.”

 

“I know that.” Finn shrugged his shoulders. “I know she’s not.”

  
  



End file.
